To think she will regret this?

[IceAndASlice123]

Friend of the family, 20 years old, boyfriend of 6 months proposed to her last night. Aibu to think it will end in tears or am I just cynical?

DH proposed to me when I was 20 (3 weeks after my birthday) after we had been together for 10 months. We have been married for 15 years.

My friend met her DH at 19 and was engaged in 9 months. They had a long engagement but were still married at 23. We’re 29/30 now and it’s not gone to shit yet. It might last the test of time, it might not. They’re happy now and I don’t see the marriage failing any time soon.

I met my DH at 20 and we both knew pretty soon it was going to end in marriage. We didn’t get engaged until 4.5 years and married until 6 but that’s because of jobs and study, not because of our age. We might make it. We might not.

You can’t help when you meet someone. Some people meet at 18/19/20 and some meet at 40+. I wondered if I met my DH too young but we’ve been together for 9 years and not found a reason to break up yet, so we haven’t. At what age is it acceptable to meet your spouse? Are you meant to just meet a great person and say “come back in 5 years please?” Just under half of marriages end in divorce. Marrying younger than 25 increases the risks slightly but divorces happen in every age bracket. You aren’t immune from divorce at 26+.

Just be happy for her. It’s honestly not that hard. If something goes wrong, it could be her age or any number of other variables and so just support her as you would someone in their 40s getting a divorce.

It might end in tears or it might not. People will end relationships after any age or time together.

My DH proposed to me about fours weeks after meeting me when I was 18. That was almost 20 years ago.

Just wish them well, you can never tell.

It’s possible “everyone on Facebook” feels the way you do, but are being diplomatic.
Weddings aren’t cheap, it’ll be a long way off.

Oh FFS smile and wish them well. He's proposed. They haven't phoned the registrar, or found out the cost of a reception. It's almost certainly going to fizzle out before they've even agreed a date, but let them enjoy feeling special in the meantime.

(And yes, OK, they might be one of the tiny number of het couples who do get married when they are barely out of nappies themselves and stay together happily for another 50 years. Unlikely but not impossible.)

It does seem a bit too soon but it's rude to say anything. All you can do is wish them well and be there with tea and sympathy if things do go tits up. If I was this young woman's DM, I'd probably be telling her that 'There's no rush, take your time and save up so you can have the wedding you want, after all, you only do it once don't you...' but privately, I'd have my reservations.

A friend of mine just posted her 40th wedding anniversary pictures on Facebook. She and DH were 17 and 20 when they met - he was an American serviceman posted over here for a stint. They saw each other 6 times , then he had to go home to the USA. She hopped on a plane and went over there . They got married 6 weeks after she arrived. At that point they'd known each other for a total of 12 weeks. They live between here and the USA, and are still blissfully happy after 40 years.

We got engaged and he moved in before we had even been out alone together. Married 24 years this month.

My FIL got engaged after two weeks. They're still together 8 years on. Sometimes it does work.

Met now dh when I was 19 and we started going out, engaged a month later, married at 21. Been married for more than half my life now - 23 years.

Know people who knew each other for years before getting married and they divorced pretty soon after, people can be together differing lengths of time before marriage and they can all be married for different lengths of time. There are no hard and fast rules for how long you should have a relationship before engagement, marriage etc.

Just let them try what they feel is best for them and if it doesn't work be there to help pick up the pieces. If it does work then that is even better.

I just don't get this level of judgement for a choice which isn't impacting your life. She is an adult with the capacity to make her own choices. Just say "congratulations" and move on.

DH and I got married in an unconventional manner and we had a few people making "helpful" little comments or asking whether we were "sure". There were a few cynics in the wings too. I just pitied them really as we knew what we were doing and were happy.

I got engaged after 7 months when I was 20, over 20 years later we are still happy. My parents and especially my grandmother were not happy at all and made their feelings very clear. His parents were great and for years I have felt far closer to them than my own parents

i love all these still together stories.
my auntie and uncle new eachother for weeks.they just new.still together almost 40 years later.

A friend of mine answered a lonely hearts ad in the local paper - met the guy on the Thursday, he moved in with her three days later, they celebrated their 24th anniversary this year.

I'd have concerns too. Not much you can do about it though.

My cousin got engaged at a similar age. It ended within months because he cheated on her. Ahh young love...

If it ends it ends, it's not the end of the world, particularly if no kids involved. People can be older, know each other for years and it still ends.

When are they actually planning to get married?

Weeell, my gran told her mum she was stark raving mad to allow her (my gran's)17 year old sister to marry. (she had to give her permission as she was under 21). Turned out the happiest marriage of the whole lot of sisters. They were six. He died in his 80s and she is still around at ninety.

Even if it does all fall to shit, so what? That can happen with anyone. Life will go on and they will move forward, just like everybody else.

Think people have got caught up in the romance of it all rather than seeing the reality

Sorry what is the reality?

At 20 I moved in with my bf after a week, and we were engaged after 3 months.
20 years and 2 DC later, still happily married.

Is this the reality you speak of? what is wrong with this reality?

Are you concerned because she is "just" 20 or because they've been together for "just" 6 months?

Yep YABU. You sound bitter.

While I appreciate that it works for some, I agree OP. My own experience will colour this of course. I was in a serious relationship from 18. If we'd got married we'd have been quite happy. But by 25 I decided I hadn't lived enough and I was a totally different person to my teenage self. 100% best thing I ever did. I'm now hitting 30, have had a great few years living alone and have just moved in with the loveliest man I've ever met.

Maybe if I'd decided to marry my first bf I'd be saying that was the best thing I ever did. I'll never know. But I have no regrets and I actually don't think anyone should settle down too young. You don't know yourself.

And you can't really compare this to people who've been together 25+ years. Things are different now. It was the done thing back then to marry very young.

Besides, you've got to wonder how one has the knowledge and maturity to really know if something actually isn't right/healthy when it's all one knows.

I tend to think that anyone getting engaged at that age really doesn't have much else going on in their lives and/or really lacks maturity/common sense

haha one doesn't know anything about what one is spouting.

I'm not going to justify my then maturity to you. All you need to know is, people are different, grow and learn at different rates, with (hold onto your hats) different experiences!

I was certainly not young, naive, lacking in common sence, Although I did have some friends who were very immature and couldn't see past the end of their nose, and had quite sheltered lives.

Even if she regrets it, so what? It’s not like her head will fall off if they get married & then get divorced. 🤷🏻‍♀️