To think one can go for a pee when their newborn is asleep?

[ChilledBee]

So the other day I emailed the lullaby trust to ask:

Thanks BertieBotts, very interesting.

Actually I do remember that when my baby was very young I used to leave him in a carry cot at the bottom of the stairs, and our loo was at the top of the stairs, so I could sit on the loo and read and leave the door open while being able to see him. Not because I was worried about SIDS, not sure it even entered my head that it could happen in the daytime, but I think I was worried about him choking (he used to sick up his milk a lot).

I have anxiety at the best of times but since having my second it’s gone absolutely haywire and taken over. I know logically that everything is okay and I should be able to do simple things like going to the loo for a minute or two but for some reason I still can’t pluck up the courage without thinking what if. I am getting help for it but for now it’s still a problem. Time will only tell if my therapy helps it get better. Hopefully it does.
No amount of people telling me it’s OTT will change it sadly because I already know it is and it doesn’t stop the anxiety one bit.

@polydactyl

But that's kind of the point. You've realised your anxiety is extreme enough to need help because of the way you feel. Other people were talking as if any decent mother would feel that way about leaving the room.

For naps during the day, I don't think it's so much the baby tuning into your breathing, but more that the background noise you make eg watching TV, pottering around etc stops them going into a deep enough sleep to forget to breathe.

I think even if you don't want to leave a baby alone at all - for whatever reason, you can still go for a pee - just have baby in a basket or sling and take them to the bathroom (or kitchen if you want a cup of tea) with you.

My children were born before this advice, but I still used to bath or shower with them in the bathroom with me in a carry cot or bouncy chair

Bloody hell mine were in their own rooms from birth all night (feeds aside) and for all day time naps. They slept wonderfully! I think people are neurotic these days, I’m unsure why but we do seem to create an awful lot of panic over the perfectly normal and natural process of child rearing.

That thread was mad. But to be fair, the OP started out by asking if she would BU to take her older children to the park and leave the baby asleep in the house, and it then descended into not allowing the baby to be left alone for a second.

It would be interesting to see what the responses would have been if someone posted that they go to the toilet while baby is napping and whether those responses would be along similar lines.

Anything could happen

Hey @ChilledBee that was my thread wasn’t it? Good on you for checking with lullaby trust - it just goes to show some of the posters on there who wouldn’t even go for a wee are a bit mental.

Yes it was. I thought it was important to show that not going for a wee is ridiculous.

Oh Lord people take this stuff to extremes. I don't think people realise just how rare SIDS etc is when the baby is on its back in a cot free of bumpers etc

My newborns were left outside in their pram to sleep, what a terrible Mother i must be

People take a lot of the advice way too literally (for example being allowed their first taste of food the day they turn 6 months old). I did not worry about leaving my baby to go to the toilet. My husband worried a bit but he spends about 20 minutes on the toilet sometimes so it is a bit different

Thanks @ChilledBee - a point well made.

I should also point out that all three of my children have been more comfortable sleeping on their tummies as soon as they could roll over (they couldn’t roll themselves back from their tummies for another month or so after that) but the point is, I would follow the advice of rolling them back on to their backs (in a next2me crib) but then I would go back to sleep and when I next woke they’d be on their tummies again! Just what they found more comfy I guess! No loose bedding, no stuffed toys. And thankfully all three have been absolutely fine and still sleep on their tummies now

The point I’m trying to make is, some people would say I’m a bad mother because I didn’t stay awake all night to roll them back over every time they moved

When I was born,SIDS was understood to be a thing but to prevent it, they'd advise putting babies on their front so they didn't choke on their own vomit.

Exactly. The advice has changed massively. I personally feel that babies are safest when they are asleep on their side, with nothing in front of them affecting their breathing and not facing up so not able to choke on their vomit. Advice will probably change in another 10-20years no doubt!

I would go to pee with baby in their crib but I would put the bouncer in the bathroom if I went for a shower or wait till they were napping.

I think these rules are utter madness and lead to maternal anxiety and depression. I cannot believe parents are really never leaving their newborns in another room for longer than a few minutes.
I live in a country where people receive no advice on SIDS prevention except to avoid smoking and overheating, yet SIDS rates are lower than in the UK with 130 deaths per 670,000 newborns.

Hear hear Dee!

You need to have common sense. Unless your baby has a neurological condition eg epilepsy that requires 24/7 monitoring (in which case they should be in hospital or have a care package) you can of course leave them, they just advise they sleep in your room. When I had mine many people put their babies in the nursery straight away and sids rates are not significantly lower as far as I'm aware (the back to sleep campaign made a huge difference). The very sad truth is that a few babies do die each year of sids that even with a post-mortem they cannot work out the cause (usually there is an underlying cause) not going to the toilet, taking a shower or cooking dinner really isn't going to make a difference. My friend was the chair of sands, she lost her little boy at 10 weeks, she was beside him at the time - so terrible. Common sense needs to prevail, just eliminate the known risk factors like smoking

@Lowlandlucky

That was standard until the 70's here, in front gardens too! I never did that, winter babies in a flat but apparently it's still common in Scandinavian countries I read. I did sometimes park the pram on the communal landing if my neighbour was out there drinking coffee - so I could head to the communal laundry, but sometimes I just left her inside

I think these rules are utter madness and lead to maternal anxiety and depression

I agree. I think access to the internet and just the sheer amount of information and advice is overwhelming. We had some basic advice, the rest we relied on our instincts.

Both my babies were in their own room from 2 weeks, they slept there, they napped there. The door was slightly ajar, and I didn't have a monitor. They also napped outside in a pram when not raining, for a couple of hours a day, all year round.

It seriously never crossed my mind that anything would happen to them.

stucknoue i have gone out and wiped snow off of the pram when i lived in the North of Scotland without central heating or double glazing, all of mine were winter babies, they never had colds and were all very healthy, in fact other than chicken pox the never needed to be seen by the Doctor.

The cat would lie under the pram and miaow if the baby stirred.The only time they never went outside was if it was foggy

It's no wonder new Mums have mental health problems! Both mine used to nap in their bedroom & I would either go for a nap in my room or get on with jobs round house. My friend in Denmark used to put hers in a large pram outside in all weathers. So alone! But I don't think fresh air will lead to SIDS.

It's still common in Scandinavian countries I read

Yep, standard practice and not just in 'nice weather' either. Most babies have pillows and duvet from birth as well. SIDS rates are lower than the UK, almost the lowest in the world. So I take a lot of the UK advice with a pinch of salt since the methods here seem to yield better results.

I think these rules are utter madness and lead to maternal anxiety and depression
It's not rules, it's guidelines. If parents used a bit of common sense and viewed the guidelines as they are intended instead of panicking over every little thing, or not going for a wee because the baby is sleeping, being a new parent would be much more enjoyable.

Of course there is conflicting information out there, but you need to view it as intended and question rather than blindly accept the first bullshit result from a google search.