To think one can go for a pee when their newborn is asleep?

[ChilledBee]

So the other day I emailed the lullaby trust to ask:

@Quineothebroch thank you for explaining what happened to common sense

@Haworthia I used to go to bed when my baby did up til about 8 months.

I was tired and my DH used to eat or tidy up etc

It’s such a small section of life I didn’t feel it was a problem

I barely the first 2 months with my first. You can get a bit obsessed and along with the lack of sleep do some things that you wouldn't even think of doing at other times. I can well believe thinking that this is the right thing to do, or at least worrying enough to obey this imagined rule.

The bit of advice that kept me going was from the NHL pregnancy book I think - it said that if you were overwhelmed, if you needed to, it was fine to put the baby in a room and shut the door for 5 minutes to collect yourself (I think it was something about blue faced crying - I don't remember by now). I didn't have to do it, DS never got that bad, but hearing that that was a possibility, that if it ever did get that bad, it will be OK, the baby will be fine for 5 minutes gave me a disproportionate amount of comfort.

I think it's one of these things that pre-baby you plan to slavishly follow, but when they're here you realise it's not very practical and sometimes not great for your own mental health.

I put DD up to bed on her own at 7pm from about 4.5 months. We still slept in same room when I came to bed at 10 or 12, but she was 'alone' between 7 and when I came up. We do have an Owlet sock which maybe helped me relax a little about it, but by the time we started doing this, I/DP really needed some time to ourselves in the evenings where one of us wasn't sitting silently in a dark room for three hours. Prior to that, we all went up together but she didn't tend to sleep for the night until 10ish anyway. I was comfortable with the risk from doing so as I felt that in every other way we were 'low risk' - healthy good weight baby who was breastfed in a non-smoking household. Others might not be.

I read that thread and was actually quite concerned that some new, first-time mothers are being put at risk of terrible anxiety. Some of the advice seemed to be exactly as the OP states, don't leave the baby asleep to go to the loo, make a cup of tea, take your washing out, etc. I didn't post because it was becoming a bun fight.

Losing a baby is the most dreadful thing imaginable but I wonder if the risks of SIDs to a healthy baby born at term to a non-smoking parent who is careful to place him/her on the back to sleep can be overstated and detrimental to women's mental health?

Although I shouldn't be surprised considering the outrage when partner goes out leaving mum and newborn alone. He's extremely unreasonable because mum needs a shower and cos he did the same the day before she couldn't get a shower then either.

Glad this wasn't a thing when my dd was a baby. I always put her in her cot to sleep upstairs for her naps, and in the evening at bed time. This was when I ran around doing the washing, ironing, cooking , cleaning sterilising bottles etc. It never occurred to me that she needed supervised sleeping! (and the baby monitored told me if she stirred at all)

@badsun

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3720119-To-leave-the-children-at-home-while-they-re-napping?pg=7&order=

The no leaving the room warms up from here

Thank goodness for that, I can ease my guilt for going to pee/have a shower/get on with my chores when my kids were young. Some people on that thread were really way OTT and highly anxious imo.

Why? Every postnatal ward I've ever been on has had a locked door, staff have to buzz people on/off the ward, and no babies are allowed to pass by the midwife desk unless there is a member of staff with them.

still wouldn't feel right at all to leave my baby in a room full of complete strangers, so I never did and never will. Another reason to hate these communal set ups!

But at home, can't see the issue. All my babies went in their own room around 3 months old, and slept better for it. Trust your judgement!

Peeing only takes about less than a minute. As long as the baby is in a safe position (lying on his back), and without any pillows surrounding him, then it should be fine. Parents should be sensible and try to live as normally as possible with a newborn.

To pee or not to pee, that is the question.

In fact both of mine were out in the garden in the pram for hours.

Mine too with - sock, horror, the Labrador guarding the pram.

That thread (and this one, to an extent) just highlights how different people’s attitudes to risk are. I don’t think anyone should criticise anyone else’s take on this advice, as long as they aren’t being completely wreckless of course.
Sneering at very clearly anxious first time mums and calling them ‘Martyrs’ is not nice.

Coming from someone who definitely has common sense and definitely did go for a pee while newborn slept.

Shock, even!

@Alsohuman It would be 'sock' if it was our spaniel. She is a terrible thief

I'm not sneering but I am concerned that vulnerable women could be made to feel even more anxious than they already are for no good reason. That's not good for them and it's not good for their babies.

@Celebelly 😂

Postman at the door? Try sign language at the window.
Surely have a sign in the door informing the postman or any other visitor that appointments must be booked 5 working days in advance, no other callers will be answered and police will be called if the doorbell is used.

Seriously, who is reading that advice and thinking they can't wee? I assume the same who panic because they are pregnant and walked by some unwashed lettuce so need urgent medical treatment.

I will hold my hands up here though, with PFB I was in hospital immediately after birth (for 5 long days) and in a private room but using the shared bathroom down the corridor. I didn't know i could leave the baby so waited until dh or my mum were there to mind the baby so I could wee... at least once I'd waited so long I didn't make it and had a very awkward conversation with a cleaner. PFB took the sleeping in the same room advice a little too seriously and didn't get out of our bed for 2 years.

My baby died of SIDS at ten weeks. I'm a non smoker, she was perfectly healthy.
She was also sleeping right next to me in my room so it can and does happen.
Saying that, even though i was incredibly anxious with my subsequent babies ( and still get a feeling of dread n the morning till I can hear them chatting) I still allowed myself the luxury of going for a pee rather than having a catheter fitted

In the 50s and 60s babies were put outside in their prams near enough all day

Is having them in the same room at all times going to protect them ?
what happens at night when you are asleep do you really think you hear every noise ...even if the worse happens , is there any noise

Alsohuman

In fact both of mine were out in the garden in the pram for hours.

Mine too with - sock, horror, the Labrador guarding the pram.

Mine too! Guarded by our Staffie

vikkimoog I am so sorry to read that about your baby.

What is the lullaby trust ?, well I can guess what it infers ,but no such thing existed years ago. You do things naturally when you have a baby,and go to the toilet when needs be,and leave the baby sleeping peacefully for a few minutes.

pelirocco the theory is that the baby listening to the mother breathe somehow stimulates or regulates their breathing, not that you are aware of a change in the baby's breathing IYSWIM.
Anyway, it's not a theory I subscribe to.
I think it's the same thing as when babies sometimes suddenly die in utero with no discernible reason.
Hopefully one day a cause will e found