To think one can go for a pee when their newborn is asleep?

[ChilledBee]

So the other day I emailed the lullaby trust to ask:

@ffswhatnext

Thanks .

FFS I wouldn't leave my newborn in his cot in hospital when I go for a pee, especially in a communal ward

but at home?

It's very depressing the lack of support and help for new mothers in this country, leading with that kind of nonsense. I can't see any improvement any time soon, but

Also, you only have the luxury to be precious about a newborn with your first one. When they have older siblings, you have to look after them too!

First - or only - babies are no more at risk than the following ones, proves if it was needed further, how crazy these theories are.

I had to leave my baby in her cot in a communal ward to pee! I had a C-section and had to produce a certain amount of pee by a certain time, and had to collect it in a bedpan so there's no way I could have managed baby and bedpan full of wee 12 hours after an emergency section.

I didn't see any women taking their babies to the toilet with them in the ward and I was in there almost a week!

how do you sleep? Or are you relying on spidey sense to wake you up? Just being in the same room is only useful if you're awake.

Surely the risk can't be so high that you're supposed to be paralysed with fear constantly - this is just common sense about 'if you're awake, be close to your baby so you can keep an eye out and spot anything that might happen'

FFS I wouldn't leave my newborn in his cot in hospital when I go for a pee, especially in a communal ward

Why? Every postnatal ward I've ever been on has had a locked door, staff have to buzz people on/off the ward, and no babies are allowed to pass by the midwife desk unless there is a member of staff with them.

It's meant to be the sound of your breathing that reduces the risk of SIDS whilst babies are sleeping, hence the reason you are meant to be in the same room when they sleep. So it does not matter if you are asleep. That is also why a monitor doesn't work.

I wonder if a recording of breathing would work?

@cookiemonster5 I must be too as I've done all that too and I've been known to leave him crawling around in his very safe bedroom when taking the bin out
@Temeraire should I just refer myself to social services already?

I wouldn’t leave a freely crawling baby unsupervised for five minutes to go to the loo or make a cup of tea, though I certainly would leave a sleeping baby

A freely crawling baby is unlikely to be a newborn.

Ok, it’s 20 years since I had a newborn so obviously I’ve missed something. Does current advice say that you shouldn’t ever leave a sleeping baby on its own?

This is highly irresponsible. You should never, ever allow a baby to sleep in a room you are not in.

Too cold? Do not get a jumper.
Need a wee? Tough
Too hot? You must not turn the heating down.
Hungry? Eat your cushion stuffing.
Postman at the door? Try sign language at the window.

I have 2DCs. I certainly couldn't make DC1 wait until DC2 woke up if she needed help going to the toilet! The SIDS advice is not so strict in other countries. It is good to be safe by you need to be realistic and the advice can lead to lots of anxiety.

There was a thread the other day related to leaving babies alone to sleep. A sizeable amount of posters said they don't/wouldn't leave a newborn alone in a room while they pee

WHAAAAAAATTTTTTT?????????????????????

I know some mums claim they can never go to the loo until their kids are 18, but that takes mummy martyrdom to whole new levels!

I wouldn’t leave a freely crawling baby unsupervised for five minutes to go to the loo I'd put the said baby in their cot while I went to the loo.

Has SIDS ever happened to a healthy baby during the day when they've been having a nap while mother has been making a cup of tea, going to the loo or having a quick hoover, or more likely, all three?

I would have thought that it is something that happens when a baby sleeps overnight. My dc didn't sleep alone in a room until about 7 months old. That is very different to never being left alone for a second, ever.

Have you got a link to this other thread? I can't imagine many people would really say that.

Utterly ridiculous!

Common Sense was outlawed under EU Directive 1984 Chapter 1 Section 9, Paragraph 8, line 4. It was enshired into UK legislation passed on 32/13 1984, and will be vigorously enforced by Inspectors with the right to access your mind, day or night.

gingersausage I think the current advice is that even during the day when the baby has a nap or in an evening before you go to bed, they should sleep in the room you are in. As I said above I think this is due to the fact that they think it is the sound of our breathing which helps regulate the baby's breathing, as for some reason babies are not born with the ability to regulate their own breathing, and they can 'forget' to breathe

Crazy!
I remember a thread years ago where a poster expected her CM to stay beside her baby every second of the day, even if they were sleeping! When asked about the other kids in her care needing to go to loo etc she just thought as she was paying cm to look after her child it was reasonable that she never left thier side for 8 hours! Don't know what she thought the other kids were doing there😂

Sometimes posters on here act like it's playing Russian Roulette to have a baby napping in another room for 15 mins

They do, and it’s frankly terrifying. I can’t believe so many women (and it is women) take the guidelines so very VERY literally, and take a total leave of common sense while they’re at it.

My baby choked on reflux and I was made aware by being right next to him.

I still needed the loo and I used to get up and go.

You have to do what you feel comfortable with

I remember a post on MN where a woman said it was such a drag having to sit in the dark upstairs every night from 7pm while her husband sat downstairs. She thought she wasn’t allowed to leave the baby’s side at all.

No, the breathing thing is just a theory. They don't know why the rates are lower when babies share a room, they just are. It's probably a combination of things so isolating one out probably wouldn't work.

But I think there is a bit of confusion caused by the Lullaby Trust's advice. Essentially, they have looked at the research and said why should this only apply to night time sleep - surely it applies to naps too? And logically yes it should. SIDS doesn't only happen between the hours of 11pm - 7am so SIDS prevention advice should not only be applied during these hours. And unfortunately you do see a lot like - it's OK to do X, Y, Z if it's for a nap. It's not any safer to break SIDS guidance just for a nap. If you apply some common sense, then what you can see is that while it isn't a lower risk, it's a shorter time period and with you being awake and alert you're probably more aware of some positional/suffocation hazards, and for most people that's an acceptable trade off for whatever it is they need (relaxation with partner, a wee, food, to care for other children without the baby waking up etc). But the "It's OK if it's a nap" gets repeated on baby forums and some parents take this to mean that SIDS prevention doesn't apply during nap times.

But no other organisation from any country (and I'd add, including the NHS) explicitly states this - they just give the overall conclusion from the research which is that babies are safer sharing a room.

Many of us in the 1970s put our babies out in the garden for a couple of hours when the weather was nice. We could then get on with housework etc. I never heard of one mother who didn't do this sort of thing, mind you we left them in the pram outside shops as well.

What all of you really should be doing, is keeping the baby strapped to you at all times. It's highly irresponsible to take your eyes off a child, never mind leave them alone for even a fraction of a second.

Or not.

Its becoming more and more evident that people have no common sense any longer.