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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this unacceptable in a cafe

134 replies

ToodlesnOOdleSAR · 24/10/2019 13:03

DD and I are out having lunch in a nice cafe. Beautifully spacious with great facilities for baby, there are often mums with kids here.

We were just eating, I look up and there are baby twins, laid out on the table, one by mum and the other I assume to be grandma - changing their nappies.

Gross. As I mentioned there are good facilities, easily accessible...and it's not as if the mother was having a nightmare - babies were being quiet, not fussy and she also had grandma to help.

A worker here had a word with them, but seemed to just be laughing how cute they are...

AIBU? I'd personally never do this. I'm not a clean freak by any stretch but my god.

OP posts:
Crusytoenail · 24/10/2019 15:42

Putting it on TA is unfair, the cafe owner/manager hasn't had chance to address the issue and make sure all the staff know it's unacceptable. I agree they shouldn't have to, and it should be blatantly obvious it's not acceptable, but service staff have 'the customer is always right' rammed down their throats constantly and this is the effect it can have - staff unwilling to challenge things for fear of being complained about for poor customer service.

Speak to the manager and say something so they can introduce a policy for their staff to point at uselessly when they're being yelled at for telling someone not to change their baby on the table.
It's disgusting and I would have said something if I worked there, but having said something in a similar situation, been called all the names under the sun and called a jobs worth, and then refusing to stop and continuing meaning I stood there like a lemon with the choice of doing that or physically removing the baby myself, I'm not particularly keen to do it again to be honest! But I would because someone needs to challenge self absorbed, inconsiderate behaviour like this. I highly doubt anyone would show any support though, despite probably feeling the same, more likely to then complain about the scene caused by me saying something.
People have no concept of behaving suitably in places like cafés and restaurants, they seem to think that the meal and the service they pay for entitles them to treat the place and the staff exactly how they please with no repercussions.

Wheat2Harvest · 24/10/2019 15:45

I went to the zoo with my cousin and his then wife. His ex-wife has a master's degree and a lucrative career and is always well turned out.

I looked at some animals with one of the children with us, then turned around and saw her changing her baby's nappy on a picnic table. I simply could not believe that she was doing this. I didn't say anything at the time as I didn't want the day ruined but a week or so afterwards it turned out that someone in our party had mentioned it to her and she was genuinely surprised that it was frowned upon. Confused

1forAll74 · 24/10/2019 16:05

This was very bad behaviour,and very sad that the people concerned,don't know how to behave in a cafe,with their babies.. What next, a plastic potty on the table,and a child sitting on it !

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/10/2019 16:16

I once saw a mum whip out a potty and put it on the floor in a food aisle at M&S. Fortunately a member of staff saw her and directed her to the toilets in a very strict tone of voice. And if she hadn’t, I certainly would have. Mum was clearly very put out. Confused

BatShite · 24/10/2019 16:28

I have seen this a couple of times. It never gets less disgusting, or less shocking hat there are parents about who find it acceptable in any way.

Moomin8 · 24/10/2019 16:29

YANBU. How anyone thinks this is acceptable is beyond me!

INeedNewShoes · 24/10/2019 16:32

It's horrible. The first time our antenatal group met once the babies had all arrived one of the group changed their baby on an outside table at the café we were at. I didn't realise it was happening until a waitress came out and asked her to use the changing facilities in the bathroom. I couldn't believe that anyone would think it's ok to change a dirty nappy on a dining table.

It is SO disgusting and selfish.

Mind you I know I'm at the more uptight end of the scale as I've been Hmm at the number of friends who chosen to do a nappy change on my living room rug rather than being arsed to walk up a small flight of stairs to my bathroom.

Vampyress · 24/10/2019 16:36

So so not acceptable, I have changed impromptu nappies in the pram, back seat of the car, on my lap or even in a playing field, but a fucking cafe table, not in a month of sundays......

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 24/10/2019 16:40

It would be massively mean to put bad review on TA as some suggested.
It's simple. You never ever ever say anything to parents, because if you do you end up in DailyMail with people coming to your pages from there and giving you bad reviews, because obviously you must be mean bastard who hates babies if you have a problem with anything about them. Even disgusting thing like this. Obviously in Daily Mail there will be only parent's side and I can bet my shirt that you were shouting at them and called them names according to the article🤷
It's a lost fight to try to tell parents anything.

Sorry to the normal people who are intelligent enough to know how to behave in public. It's a minority ruining it for everyone

KennDodd · 24/10/2019 16:44

I was on a plane about 30 years ago, long haul flight, in economy, sat next to a woman, on her own, with a young baby. She changed its nappy on the tray table next to me while I was eating my dinner.

KennDodd · 24/10/2019 16:44

At least you could get up and leave OP.

Majorcollywobble · 24/10/2019 16:48

That’s just awful . I always used to change our daughter upstairs at home or in a baby change area when out .
I was surprised one day to come home and a relative who had dropped in to see DH was changing a dirty nappy on the living room floor . I wasn’t happy at all .

MirandaGoshawk · 24/10/2019 16:51

Unacceptable. YANBU. People don't know how to behave.

In the paper yesterday they said that bacteria from human faeces are responsible for more food poisoning than from undercooked meat, and emphasised how everyone should wash their hands.

And airline tray tables are never cleaned so are grosser than anywhere else!

TrueFriendsStabYouInTheFront · 24/10/2019 17:01

Ok I take your point about the back of a changing mat not being particularly clean. But let me ask you this, presumably the table they changed the baby was the one they were using? Once customers have the left, are the plates not removed and tables disinfected anyway?

FWIW I've never changed my lo on a table or anywhere else weird for that matter, but I just don't get the crazy hysteria going on here tbh! I honestly wonder how some people manage to leave the house sometimes!

BlueJava · 24/10/2019 17:04

This happened on a table near me in a cafe recently (single baby not twins) its grim. I wanted to gag - and there are good facilities there too.

Slappadabass · 24/10/2019 17:07

That is absolutely disgusting. Did you go back and complain?

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/10/2019 17:08

Once customers have the left, are the plates not removed and tables disinfected anyway?

Disinfected? No, most tables will receive a spray and a desultory wipe with an already contaminated cloth. I’m not obsessive about germs but the prospect of cross-contamination and the reality of you ingesting faecal bacteria is high in this circumstance. 🤮

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/10/2019 17:15

That's properly disgusting but some people just don't seem to care about hygiene etc.

I've had 2 babies myself, but never changed them in the open like that - always in a toilet or bathroom or somewhere closed off. No one else needs to be exposed to their stinking nappies! Even at home - always in the bathroom or the bedroom (only for wees), never in the middle of the living room or anywhere else like some friends would do.

At a couple of playgroups I went to, we had facilities - also good ones - but occasionally we'd have a parent who would do this in full view of all the other parents and kids. It doesn't matter so much if it's just a wee in the nappy, but if it's a poo, then no one else needs to see it or be exposed to it! One even did it on the picnic table that was set out for our use for morning tea etc. - ugh - same as your example in the café.

MutedUser · 24/10/2019 17:16

Disgusting they should have used the facilities or at the very worst done it on their knees that’s still disgusting too though

FrancisCrawford · 24/10/2019 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notodontidae · 24/10/2019 17:41

Totally agree with the comments, especially that of littlepaddypaws & cushtoenail. All too often staff will not intervene, for fear of either being challenged by ignorant Parents/G.parents, or causing a scene. TA is not really the answer here either, whether or not contamination is an issue, it is totally disrespectful of other diners, and staff. It should be illegal to cause a breach of hygiene this way, with a suitable fine imposed, presumably CCTV footage could be used as evidence. A letter to the management is needed, and perhaps guidance from environmental health.

WhyDoesItAlways · 24/10/2019 17:43

I was on a flight recently and there was the usual announcement about not cooking etc and then tagged on the end was a reminder to use baby changing facilities and not change nappies on the seats. I was shocked at the need for that announcement but now I know why.

Grim.

Ketomeato · 24/10/2019 21:05

There is just no need.

I changed all mine across my knee, sitting on the toilet, if there was no baby change around. Clean nappy under dirty one, whip one away, wipe, fasten clean one, bag up detritus, done.

GabsAlot · 24/10/2019 22:28

Did you go back to complain op?

Lovely13 · 25/10/2019 18:34

And the smell for neighbouring diners....gross.