To think this single parent has it relatively easy?

[coffeeforone]

A close friend constantly reminds me and others that she is a 'single parent' and how difficult it is for her and other SPs, I apparently have it so much easier as there are two of us. May be true, but in reality I think she has no idea how easy her life is. She has two primary aged kids (so SN) and works full time in the school that her kids go to, term time only so childcare is not an issue. If she wants to earn extra cash she can help out at wraparound clubs and the school doesn't charge for her kids to attend.

Her ExDH is a great dad which she admits herself, he financially supports her and collects kids every Friday from school and keeps them until Sunday midday, so both her weekend evenings and all day Saturday are completely free for her to do as she likes. She also has two sets of youngish GPs who she is on good terms with and will drop everything to take the kids whenever she asks (say they are off school sick or she has a work commitment/parents evening).

However, If she encounters other lone parents she will always empathise with them 'I know exactly how you feel, it's really hard doing it 'all alone', etc, etc). I just feel she doesn't have it that bad and it's a bit of a kick in the teeth for the other person when they realise her setup! Am I missing something that would make her life much harder than say a couple with two young kids?

I don't see why just the label of 'single parent' necessarily means life is automatically tough

Life can be tough for everyone. Everyone should be entitled to have a moan about that without someone saying “they’ve not got it that hard”.

It’s one of the reasons why in almost 6 years since we split I have never once talked to anyone about it.

IIRC you’re a SAHM Formerbabe? I would imagine people could say you don’t have it as hard as two working parents who have no help. Doesn’t make it any less hard at times for you though, right?

IIRC you’re a SAHM Formerbabe? I would imagine people could say you don’t have it as hard as two working parents who have no help. Doesn’t make it any less hard at times for you though, right?

Correct, difference is I would assess the situation of the person I was moaning to. So I have a friend who has four dc, is widowed and has no family in area...I wouldn't ever dream of complaining to her that I was struggling.

So I have a friend who has four dc, is widowed and has no family in area...I wouldn't ever dream of complaining to her that I was struggling

Doesn’t seem an equal friendship if you couldn’t say “having a rubbish day today”.

@Smotheroffive Thankyou! You've inspired me to look into after school clubs/Saturday morning stuff

Cheers

Anyway, I think a lot of people feed into the media portrayal of a single mum...struggling, skint, ground down by life. That's not the reality for many.

I think whats unreasonable is resentitothers moaning about their lot.

Like Jaques says, whos there when you're I'll?

Formerbabe I am flummoxed that you have only had two nights away, if you wanted more, when the father is living with you?

Why haven't you had more nights away if thats what you wanted?

Also, Pumpkin why does it matter to you if a SP does get to go away and have a break? She can moan thats she's having it tough day to day. Having holidays does not mean she has to be stomped on for moaning about things.

I hear women moaning all the time about the life they have made for themselves, in actually choosing to have many many DC for instance, choosing to make life very demanding in all respects, yet moaning about it.

resentitothers * resenting others

That's not the reality for many

Absolutely. Are those people not entitled to find things difficult? Or have a whinge?

Doesn’t seem an equal friendship if you couldn’t say “having a rubbish day today

Well I would say that. I wouldn't however say, oh I need a break from the kids or I wish I didn't have to do dinner and bath again tonight because my oh is out this evening.

Formerbabe I am flummoxed that you have only had two nights away, if you wanted more, when the father is living with you?

Why haven't you had more nights away if thats what you wanted?

I can if I want but I'd want to be with him.

I think being a single parent must be hard, but being a lone parent, with no help from NRP, must be a lot worse. So, if she is comparing herself to lone parents, then yanbu in that it is a bit much of her to say she is doing it all alone to people who are doing it with no help whatsoever.

But, I definitely think SPing is harder than doing it as a couple. So in that regard I think YABU.

In over a decade of being a mum, I've had two nights away from my DC. I'd absolutely love a childfree weekend

ODFOD.....leave your partner, then. All those childfree weekends more than make up for being solely responsible for absolutely everything, pay all the bills, do everything in the house, ensure your children attend all their appointments, work full time, and wave off your kids into the arms of someone you no longer trust and his new partner who is happy to tell you how shit at parenting you are. I would give everything I have to not have to share my children with my ex and for them not to have to hear how awful I am every other weekend.

I would moan, at my dh, if I didnt feel he was pulling his weight in the domestic load and had opportunities over and above me to be going out when I'd only had two.

Yes I really would be moaing at him for that

I can if I want but I'd want to be with him

So with respect completely your choice then?

GENERALLY it's harder than doing it as a couple. Obviously it depends on circumstances.

For me she isn’t a single parent, she’s a parent who shared responsibility with her ex dh.

Single parent for me is someone who has no help at all. (Not inc maintenance, as some may get maintenance but not have any support).

Well then you could. So I dont understand you making that point when it doesn't matter to you?!?

It’s also hard going on holidays alone with the children and yes making decisions or worrying about them and problems they are having alone, fellow single mum here.

Single parent for me is someone who has no help at all

Lone parent has no help at all. Single parent is someone who parents with no help from a partner.

bellend

I think what you're describing is what I've always heard as being the different between being a single parent and a lone parent. The latter doing it all on their own with no help from ex.

I also enjoyed your username . Can I ask what inspired it?

YABU and you are not her friend

So she does all the domestic slog during the week, getting kids fed, watered out to school etc (on top of working full time herself) but doesn’t get any chill time with them at weekends? That sounds odd and quite sad really, I don’t envy that set up

This - plus the mental load and responsibility

X post jacques.

Absolutely. Are those people not entitled to find things difficult? Or have a whinge

Yes but is what she's whinging about actually caused by being a single parent or just life in general? Because if she's moaning about being a sp, it's implying she wouldn't have anything to moan about if she had a partner. She would. Having a partner doesn't mean you're absolved of hard work in regards to parenting.

In over a decade of being a mum, I've had two nights away from my DC. I'd absolutely love a childfree weekend

This isn't what it seemed at all!

You'd absolutely love a childfree weekend pah!

You can take one whenever you like. You choose not to because you choose to have no time alone, only with your OH.

I don't think you are grasping what some are going through at all!!

As much as I hate the DFOD expression, I agree this time.