To ask if you did / will you defer your summerborn child?

[Chillisauceboss]

I feel hugely passionate about deferring my summerborn child - research led / emotion led and I just think they have so many years in education / work life that they should have another year 'at home' (nursery play based informal learning)
But... most people around me think I'm absolutely barmy to consider going against the norm.
What did you do / plan to do?!

It depends on the child. Both mine are summer born but in the top half of their classes academically so it worked out well for them. If they'd been held back I felt that they would have got bored. This isn't meant to be a brag or anything! Just trying to offer up an alternative viewpoint.

Having a child enter school at 5 (very confident, socially aware and bright) - it’s still been a struggle to adapt. It’s tiring for them and I’m so glad we had that extra year doing our own thing and not rushing around for school runs. It’s been a very magical time.

There have been times my son probably was ‘bored’ btw but that’s not a bad thing. He has learnt to play alone. He also had a nursery and good social life. We have been able to follow his passions by going to museums/days out. I don’t think they could ever miss out by deferring a year.

We thought very hard about doing this with now 6 year old June born ds. School were very supportive of it and preschool actively encouraged it but we decided not to in the end. April born now 11 year old ds did school part time until Easter which worked very well for him.

I'm a mum of a end August born 18 year old DS who has just headed off to Uni.

He always performed well (better in fact) than his peers academically. From day 1 in reception. However, he did struggle a bit as physically he seemed smaller and younger than his peers, so was on the receiving end of a lot of 'banter' from his mates. (Never bullied though, but he always felt a bit inadequate)

Three times during his school his age was an issue:

1. starting reception he lacked stamina, was smaller and often tired and asleep on the rug at pick up time (this stopped about 4 months into reception)
2. in about Y8 when his peers were hitting puberty and having huge growth spurts, he looked like their son walking next to them! And gave up rugby which he had loved. His confidence took a huge knock.

(He then hit puberty, hit the gym and became taller bigger and cleverer than his peers, girls noticed him eventually and his confidence was somewhat restored...so all good )

3. when his mates all got their drivers licenses and turned 18 and started clubbing (he was left out) and this was frustrating, especially for his A level leavers prom when he came home straight after and couldn't join his friends out on the town.

I think he's come through ok in the end, but honestly if I could do it again I'd have kept him back a year, even though it worked out ok for him, it would've bern a little bit less of a struggle.

My dd is now in year 11 and keeping up well but as a tiny in year R she did struggle. She was very shy and anxious and suffered from tummy problems I think were linked to anxiety. In addition the school made her go part time till Christmas anyway as she struggled so much. So I think if I could I would defer.

Elbowedout It’s hard though because I’m aware of the statistics but genuinely think my daughter will be ready. For what it’s worth, I’ve been conscious of the potential disadvantage and have been trying to develop school readiness skills from an early age to try and lessen the gap. For example, she has learnt huge amounts from gymnastics as she’s had to learn to take instruction, take turns etc. I do have moments wondering if we should defer to effectively cement an advantage of being older but she’s desperate to go to school. There is no doubt in my mind that there is an advantage- you don’t need the studies to see that. The question for me is how that advantage plays out at an individual level and what can be done to reduce the gap.

Don't get the idea that a child would be bored. Is every 5/6 year old across Europe who doesn't start school at 4 bored? No, they have better mental health and catch up academically with British kids within a few months of starting school at 6 or 7.

No my son now 16 is an August birthday. He was ready for school at just gone 4. Reception and year 1 were fine. However he struggled to keep up with his peers, had an IEP and had to have extra lessons regarding English. He did terribly in his SATS. But he did get an award end Yr 6 for the child who always worked hard.

However he has caught up at high school and has passed his GCSE's with majority A's and a few B's and is now doing his A' levels.

I thought it would be a very hard decision
and mine would be at a huge disadvantage by starting as the very youngest -in social aspects, in sport, in learning even.

In fact, there was no decision to be made at all. She was ready, was only playing with older and similar age children, and would have been absolutely miserable to be kept behind.

None of my children is ever "bored" at home, but life isn't just about being home. Mine is thriving at school.

The decision should only be made based around your own kid, you cannot have a strong idea either way and push it regardless. You usually do know if your own child is ready or not.

It depends on the child. i know children who benefitted from being deferred. i also know a little girl for whom it was very damaging and the parents very mich regret it

My daughter is 31st August and we didn't defer. She is in year one. She is a bright girl and she would have been gutted and confused as to why her preschool friends went to school and she didn't.

She's on orange books, is doing basic times tables etc so is keeping up fine and is very happy.

I would have considered it in different circumstances but we made the best decision for us. Her dad and I are both summer born and we got on fine too.

We kept our firstborn (end of July baby), now 16, out of reception, because he’d hated the busyness and noise of nursery two days a week whilst I was teaching.

During what would have been his reception year, we found out about the option of home-ed, met up with local home-ed families, then decided not to send him to year 1 either because he was still very socially and emotionally immature compared to his schooled peers, and we could see him thriving with the freedom that home-ed afforded us.

We now have 3 more children, all July/August babies, aged 14,10 and 8, none of whom have been to school, who we plan to home-ed all the way through. Our eldest is still rather emotionally young for his age, but that was something that attracted us to this lifestyle - the freedom to grow and develop at the individual’s pace, and the opportunity to get as many years of childhood as possible - but has also got a diagnosis of mild ASD, so this route has been perfect for him. He did have a place at college for September just gone, but he decided to defer because he’s not ready to give up climbing trees and building dens yet. 😁 He has an EHCP though so there’s no rush for him.

Our younger two are girls, and totally different personalities to the boys, and we feel confident that they’d cope with the school environment if they ever go. I think girls generally negotiate the school system more confidently and successfully than boys do, but every child is an individual and should be treated as such.

Regardless of gender though, we much prefer the later starting age of 6/7 years that some European countries have. Some stats I read a few years ago summarised that the UK is in the top five of European countries in terms of hours spent in the classroom, but in the bottom five for levels of Literacy and Numeracy. Earlier isn’t always better; later isn’t always worse!

Yes we deferred our DC and it's the best decision we made for them. We based it on
Childs needs
Research
How adults we knew that were summerborns felt being the youngest in the year
The fact that several of our friends wish they'd deferred their children. Even though they seemed more than ready to start reception struggled with the leap up to year one and the demands then placed upon them.

Our Local Authority agreed our deferral and stipulated that we were free to apply to any school of our choosing and that he would be able to move from primary to secondary school without having to skip a year and go straight to year eight. I however wouldn't have let that stop me as we would have had so much time to deal with and prepare for that issue.

I did. My son was prem due end of sept but born beginning of August. It was the best decision we have ever made..he is thriving at school, and was not ready at 4...

I wish I'd been able to defer ds2 he's was late August born, he also seemed quite young for his age too. I hated putting what was essentially a 3 year old in to school.

There was a choice to hold him back but then he'd have started straight in in year 1, in a well established group. Which I didn't want to put him through either.

Academically he was fine, and was/is top in maths, average to good in all other subjects. But he struggled with fine motor skills for a few years.

Emotionally he put everything he had into his school days, and was exhausted with school for years. years 1,2,3 and bit of 4 he was so tired keeping up with school he just couldn't do any extra curricular activities or clubs. Weekends he just wanted to sleep and when we had days out, he was too tired to enjoy them and just wanted to be home.

He's a teen now, I've found out that his main friends he hangs out with are also August born. When I've driven somewhere they are all quite giggly and silly still. (it's quite sweet)

Go and visit the school and talk to them. I found my sons primary was very good at dealing with the just 4 year olds and there is lots and lots of play on reception.

It is something that keeps me awake at night. My son is 1st August born. He is tiny as am I, so not only will he be the youngest but by a far while the shortest. It terrifies me that he will be picked on and have a difficult time.
He is however really quite bright for his age and is extremely confident. Everyone is telling me it will be doing him a disservice deferring him as he will be more than ready emotionally and academically, so shy hold him back.

I feel like i am being robbed of a year, I hate the thought of him going so young and disagree with this countries schooling system in that they should be in that environment so young. 5 is still bloody young IMO.

I feel like I don't know enough about deferring in our area and i am struggling of where to get the cast iron facts, I am not on Facebook and I don't feel what I'm googling is giving me the best answers, so feel a bit confused really.

we much prefer the later starting age of 6/7 years that some European countries have. Some stats I read a few years ago summarised that the UK is in the top five of European countries in terms of hours spent in the classroom, but in the bottom five for levels of Literacy and Numeracy. Earlier isn’t always better; later isn’t always worse!

Yes, this is my thinking but everyone around me is telling me I will be doing him a disservice as he will be raring to go!!!! It's so blooming tough.

I think if the child isn't ready to start reception at 4, it would be better to defer for a year even if this means starting in year 1 at age 5. They will be able to catch up that year much more easily once they are a bit older. I skipped reception due to living abroad, and went into year 1 when we returned to the UK, unable to speak English. By May of year 1 I was ahead of the rest of the class in reading and maths. A little bit of extra at home was more than enough. If a child is too immature at 4, it's actually more likely to put them off altogether.

DS is July born and left handed. Started Reception last year with his peer group and was fine with absolutely everything except writing where he lagged a little. Just had his first Yr1 parents night where his teacher has no concerns whatsoever, and is happy that the gap between his writing and the rest of his work is closing fast (and is more likely to be related to his left handedness than his birth date - finger spaces are tricky for southpaws). Fundamentally though he is a chilled out and sociable kid. One of his nursery friends who is October born has struggled far more with the transitions both from nursery to Reception and from Reception to Yr1, but is a more anxious child in general.

But the 5/6 year olds in Europe would have other 5/6 year olds to play with at nursery, so wouldn't be bored.
An April/May born DC might be 3/4 months older than the next oldest DC at nursery if they are deferred.

We are deferring our summer-born son, no SEN we simply believe just turned 4 is too young to start formal education. Also reception isnt a big jump from preschool but reception to year one is Huge. Don't see it as holding your child back, you're just not sending your child early and instead at Compulsory School Age - which is 5.

No we didn’t. He’s 8 now and the teacher says that there’s no difference between him and the winter born. He said that unless you were told he was summer born you wouldn’t know. I just think that he is already doing so much more than he would if we held him back a year. Your choice though.

I have a summerborn and never crossed my mind to hold him back......i am also a summerborn and can honestly say had no bearing on my life.