To ask if you did / will you defer your summerborn child?

[Chillisauceboss]

I feel hugely passionate about deferring my summerborn child - research led / emotion led and I just think they have so many years in education / work life that they should have another year 'at home' (nursery play based informal learning)
But... most people around me think I'm absolutely barmy to consider going against the norm.
What did you do / plan to do?!

My dc are not summer born, but I wouldn’t have held them back even if they were. Unless there is a serious SEND issue all the local schools (and I suspect many nationally) will only allow people to defer a place if they go into year 1 when they do start I.e the correct age group. This means they miss out on reception and are expected to just fit in in a year 1 classroom which is a much more formal setting. I think many children would find this challenging, let alone one who is young in the year. Schools have been dealing summer born children forever and have many strategies for dealing with any issues that arrive.

My DS is an end of June baby and very small for his age, but he has always been very social and ‘popular’. Academically, he could probably do with being held back a year until his brain catches up, but I’ve just had his first secondary school report and he’s thriving. He has made some really good friendships, he’s happy, and it looks like he’s catching up - he’s ‘average’ but very much on the good side of average rather than the bad side. It depends on the kid.

Not RTFT but I have an end of August child who is now yr3. I was worried about her emotional maturity but actually that hasn't been a problem and she is the highest achiever in her year. I do wonder what would have happened if she was held back a year, would she be amazingly bright for yr2 or would she have been bored and there for not paying attention and no better off? Who knows but we are glad we didn't keep her back.

Oh I also have a yr4 and yr1 July born girls who neither have had problems. Bright and good learners both on the better side of average.

I do strongly support the later start (around 6) for school for everyone, but we did not defer our August born, left handed, bilingual Ds. The main arguments against were that he was ready for academic content, potential issues with transfer to senior school, nurseries around being geared towards 3/4 year olds and those older in the year were feeling fed up with them, and his shyness was more his personality rather than age related. It is early time yet to tell if it was a right decision or not, so far he has been doing very well academically, he is a bit less mature and physically smaller than older children but no major issues.
Having said all of the above, I know a few parents who deferred or repeated a year (in private system) and are equally happy with their decision.

I have a late July born DS who is now in Year 2. I drove myself mad thinking about whether to defer him and on the advice of other (nursery, family, friends) I didn’t defer him. I really wish I had and I don’t know why I didn’t listen to my gut instinct. I do usually. He is doing ok with his peer group, mainly because he is at a very small school. But he could be doing much better if I had deferred him. He is happy there but emotionally immature compared to others. In reception it doesn’t matter so much but as they progress it matters more. Ignore what people think/say. You know your child best and what is best for them.

My friend and I are 15 years on from having this debate as our kids are now 19. My daughter was born 8th Aug she stayed in her year cohort and has flown through school going to uni a month after her 18th birthday. This was the right decision for her.
My friend’s son was born 28th Aug, 5 weeks premature, she deferred her son’s place for a year, he did really well at school and went to uni this year at 19, this was the right decision for him. Neither of us has regrets. The only issue was when her son played in the local footy team he had to play with his age group - as per FA rules - so with the boys in the year above him, it wasn’t a massive problem.
You know your child best, do what your gut tells you to do.

Out of curiosity, all of you deferring your August born babies what will you do in a few years time with June or July born children who are now more than a year younger than the oldest child in the year ? Someone has to be youngest.

I didn't defer my two summer kids, it wasn't an option for the elder but I did think about it for the younger.
In the end I'm glad I didn't. He's huge! He would have towered over the younger kids. Right now he fits well with his peer group for maths, reading and all things sporty. Yep his writing isn't amazing but then neither is a lot of boys' in his year. He's emotionally young but again, so are a lot of them.

Do what you feel is right for your child, you know him best.

One of my children was born in August, she had literally just turned 4 when she started school last year. She wasn't ready really, she's in year one now and still looks like she could be in reception class lol.
It most definitely isn't the norm around here to defer, so it didn't cross my mind.

@tigger001 I would contact your admissions team for your county, although they will probably just refer you to info they have online. You can find this on the web page you do your school application on. I found this by googling apply for reception my county. They can also let you know what type of school each one is so you know what you need to do to consider deceleration. Different schools have different procedures on how to apply. I'd definitely visit the schools first if you haven't already.

Personally I have the opposite issue my son is a giant, I am too worried about bullying. However there's always something they can pick of if they want to. I think to be more confident would be preferable, which waiting to start reception at CSA would aid.

I didn't defer DS1, he is a 31st August baby so was the absolute youngest in school during reception year. To be honest, I still don't know if that was the right decision, he's emotionally far less mature than his peers and can be very clingy at times with me still. He's in Y1 now and absolutely flying with class work and really enjoying the mental challenges, but he is still so young compared to others. It hit me like a brick when the new reception kids started and I realised as they started a week later some were older than him going into reception than he was going into yr1. I'll be really interested to see what his teacher thinks of how he is coping with school when we have parents evening. I have no idea if deferring would have helped with how he is emotionally, I think it's the type of kid he is. He certainly loves learning. I honestly can't say if I'd do the same again. One thing I would say though is ignore the term 'holding back' that is ridiculous, kids don't start school til 6 or 7 in some countries who have far better education systems than ours so that isn't really a thing. And the term is very emotive, it goes against human nature to 'hold back' your child. Go with what you think is best for your child.

My daughter is a 31st Aug baby. She really coped well and teachers really weren't aware she was the youngest.

She's now 40 and I wish I had kept her back. She was fine until about year 7 and she suddenly lost confidence, there was bullying involved but I really have doubts that is all it was.

Given the time again - I would definitely have held her back a year - given her the confidence of being one of the oldest rather than the youngest - wasn't really an option back then - or at least not a known about one.

Well said @Catscatsandmorecats. "Holding back" is a term that is loaded with judgement and totally unnecessarily so.
This thread was one of our dinner table conversations chez Elbowed tonight and my Autumnal child wondered whether I would be accused of holding her back. I was confused until she pointed out that by declining induction of labour I had moved her from an August baby to a September one, so effectively making the decision to "hold her back". An interesting thought. That wasn't the reason for my decision of course, but I was aware that it was highly likely to have that effect. (One MW did proffer getting her to school a year sooner as an "advantage" of IOL mind you....that was a real WTF moment...) I doubt many people would accuse me of damaging her education by waiting until she chose to make her appearance naturally. But had I opted for induction and she had been born a few days sooner and I had then decided to defer her school entry I would have been holding her back, stunting her development and dooming her to boredom according to some posters. Really? She would have been the same child and she doesn't seem to have suffered from the terminal boredom and lack of stimulation that would apparently have befallen her had she exited my uterus on her due date. The line is entirely arbitrary. It stands to reason that some children will be ready sooner than others. Those who opt to defer entry are merely doing what they believe to be best for their children, as are those who don't.. I don't think anyone has said everyone should do so, or that those who don't defer are "pushing forward" their children, so why the negative terminology?

In my experience most people who defer are happy with their decision
It's not just about them being ready at4 ,but looking forward over their whole school career and on to potentially starting Uni at 17
(I am a planner!)

@Elbowedout it's true, it's emotive language and sadly I think did affect my decision. I cannot honestly say if I'd do the same again or not. I do know DS loves school and at primary that is what it should all be about. There are so many factors in how children do in school, not just academically, one of the highest being how supportive and involved their parents are, I think most of the kids mentioned on this thread already have that going for them, regardless of their birth date

My dd , now 22 was definitely not ready for school at just turned 4 and was held back a year after reception class.
My instinct told me to defer but health visitor scared me saying she wouldn't have a school place. (Bollocks!)

Wish I'd stuck to my guns . She's amazing now. Career going great and she is beautiful to boot!

I've deferred my 4 year old late July born. She's going to nursery 3 days a week as well as spending free time as a family. Am I holding her back? No, I'm giving her a whole extra year of play and development before she starts school which can only be beneficial to her learning. Surely from an educational perspective every parent would want their child to be born in early September? This is my way of giving her that, as well as keeping her out of an educational system that pushes children into formal learning far too early when evidence suggests starting at 6 or 7 is much more beneficial. And yes, if you are interested to find out more do join the Flexible Admissions for Summerborns FB group

I sent my summer born the september after she turned 4, she was ready for something more than either Nursery or I could give. She does struggle more than some of the others, which my DF like to attribute to the fact she is younger than the rest in her year, all Autumn/Winter born, but we have learning difficulties in the family, my DH has both Dyslexia and Dyspraxia, I am 90% sure my DD has too, we are currently fighting to get her assessed. She also has hyper mobility which is hindering her learning to write and making things more difficult for her. In my DD's school they did mostly play based learning in reception anyway with 10 mins a day structured learning which slowly increased as the year went on before she moved into year 1. My DF loves to say that her struggles are because she is a summer born and therefore so much younger, but I know it isn't, she was ready for school, she just struggles with reading and writing.

Ds is End May so not a really young one but we did consider it as I wasn’t convinced he was ready at 4.

The main thing that put me off is that his was the first year it was available and I didn’t trust the school / education department / government not to fuck it up! And I really didn’t want him to be limited in secondary school choice or to have to miss year 6.

Had he been born 3 months premature on 31st August I may have chosen differently but it just felt like too much of a risk for something that I wasn’t 100% convinced about anyway.

As it happened he started school, something clicked in him and he has absolutely flown! It seems ridiculous now to imagine him in the year below.

I wish we had deferred late August DD. I think she would’ve enjoyed an extra year at nursery. She started school with other children who had been at nursery alongside her so initially it wasn’t that obvious that she would struggle socially. She is now in year 4 and her immaturity shows. She is still very much a little girl and interested in playing whilst her peers are all about clothes and being cool. She is ok academically because she tries hard but it is an effort and she certainly doesn’t fly.

I’m due in May (hopefully) and already I’m thinking about deferring. My background is in educational research and the stats speak for themselves. You are not being unreasonable at all.

My DS is v v late summer born, and has SEN. We deferred, and thank god we did, because in that extra year we got his EHCP sorted and got him a place at special school. DD is summerborn too, but earlier, and I am not planning to defer her.

I didn't defer my ds he is the youngest in the class he was ready to go to school and loves it. He is also one of the smartest in his class so I think it depends on the child. You really wouldn't know he was practically a year younger than some of his friends.

I have a Summer born, luckily we live in a county that fully support deferring and they go into reception and are guaranteed to stay with their cohort throughout. DC only started this time, so far I’m very happy with my decision. September of last year they showed no interest at all in letters or numbers, and wouldn’t be persuaded otherwise. Now they are keen to learn and are enjoying it.