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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend A cancelling for a better offer with friend B. AIBU?

146 replies

KentuckyBourbonWhiskey · 22/10/2019 18:50

I have two friends, I’ll call them A and B. We studied and lived together for a few years in our teens/20s and are still close 20+ years later. I had DC many years before they did so I would say they grew closer as friends for a time as they were still doing clubbing, Ibiza hols etc while I had babies.

Now friend B has small children so she has been coming to me for advice a lot more. The dynamics have changed a lot as I’ll see friend B with the kids sometimes but I’ll also see A as we like going to the same gigs. And sometimes we meet altogether.

I’ve been quite down for a while due to various things (I’m having counselling) and friends have been very supportive up until now. Friend A and I had tickets to a concert that was booked early this year. Friend B not particularly into the band so it was just the two of us. The show is coming up in a couple of weeks.

Both friend A and B popped round for a few glasses of wine yesterday and I mentioned the concert coming up, and was looking forward to it, and I’ve had to take an annual leave day for it as I was due to work that evening. Friend A looks awkward and then says she can no longer go as she’s away for that weekend. Is very cagey about where she’s going.

I was quite surprised and said that She hadn’t given me much notice to cancel, but shit happens, I then said “hey friend B, I know you’re not really into that band but would you take the ticket and come with me?” and then she looked awkward and explained that she was going on the weekend away with A and a bunch of our other mutual friends and all their partners for B’s birthday.

I couldn’t help but feel crushed as I sat in my living room knowing that not only had the original plans been tossed aside but I had hardly been given any notice to find another friend to go with (it’s not a pop act, it’s more niche I guess). No mention of a refund or giving me the tickets. And of course the realisation that I hadn’t been invited on the weekend away which did sting, I must admit. B’s children are going on the weekend so it’s not an adult only thing.

The following morning I was still really upset about it and sent a message saying I didn’t think it was right to blow out the concert without bothering to tell me. Friend A has apologised and sent me the money for my ticket back.
Friend B acknowledges it was handled badly as they were sat in my front room and it was awkward but essentially doesn’t see a problem with A’s change of plans.

AIBU to think this has been a reality check and we aren’t as good friends as I thought we were? I feel so sad and rejected.

OP posts:
Original poster
KentuckyBourbonWhiskey · 22/10/2019 21:32

Thank you for all your support, my DH has also put forward the idea that the tickets may have been sold on already or maybe the tickets were never bought!
Like I say though, it’s not about the concert it’s about the easy dismissal.

OP posts:
fargo123 · 22/10/2019 21:34

What a pair of bitches. Personally, I'd bin them off and not bother with them again.

CAG12 · 22/10/2019 21:38

Do you think telling them how you feel may help things?

You said they looked awkward so im assuming they knew they were being horrible when they did it.

Zebraaa · 22/10/2019 22:30

Wow, vile.
Did they leave quite soon after this nasty revelation or did you have to carry on being friendly in an awkward atmosphere? Ugh, I would have asked them to both leave.

Cherrysoup · 22/10/2019 22:48

It’s a birthday with dc, not inviting you is particularly shitty. Gaslighting you about it is even worse. Bitches.

NWQM · 22/10/2019 22:50

Did A explain away why she kept your cash?

Effiedg · 22/10/2019 22:59

Why did they book to go away when you had arranged to go to a concert? Couldn't they have chosen a different time? Or is half term a factor?

billy1966 · 22/10/2019 23:01

Absolutely appalling behaviour.

OP, so sorry for you because that must indeed sting.

Relationships do change and evolve but decent people don't treat old friends like that.

Don't rush into any rash decision.

They have surely shown you to be Class A horrors.

Now you know.

I would absolutely suit myself.

I would never so much as look sideways to help either of them again but pass them off if it suits you.

You now know where you stand.
Actively focus on making new connections.

I hope it blows back in their faces big time.

💐

Countryescape · 22/10/2019 23:02

They are both a couple of bitches OP and you could do without them as friends. I’d send them both a message telling them you are very upset that friend A cancelled for what she considered a better offer, and that you weren’t invited to the weekend away. That their behaviour tells them all you need to know about who they really are and then I’d block them.

EKGEMS · 22/10/2019 23:13

It's despicable behavior of them both! I hope the pair of them contract rotavirus or flu and regret ever planning the getaway

wildcherries · 22/10/2019 23:19

It's worse because it was for her birthday I think, that you weren't invited to celebrate it with them. It is shitty and sly of them

I agree with this.

They've been bitches, and I would have been so hurt in your place. Keep them at arm's length from now on.

cstaff · 22/10/2019 23:21

Ah OP that is so hurtful. I am so upset on your behalf. We have all messed up plans by mistake but this was carefully organised without you. I would definitely give them both a wide berth from here on in and see if they react to that. This is like being back in primary school.

Fleetheart · 22/10/2019 23:25

I would be very hurt and upset as well. I would t talk to them again. Maybe over reacting but that’s what I’d do

Icecreambaby · 22/10/2019 23:27

Write them off. They are no friends. To stand you up for the concert and not even invite you to join them is plain rude and mean.

Cornishclio · 22/10/2019 23:34

I would be hurt and upset too.

People who can so casually disregard your feelings like that though and make you feel bad are not friends. I would be distancing myself if I were you and maybe explore new friendships. Difficult I know if they are long standing friends but sometimes things change and people grow apart. The first thing I would do is ignore Bs birthday and be unavailable for any meet ups for now and forever but then I am unforgiving of people who treat me like dirt. Plenty of other fish in the sea.

Beesandcheese · 22/10/2019 23:34

They had discussed that. How revolting! Unfortunately the world is full of people happy to treat people like shit on their shoe. I'd remain civil until one of them inevitably tries crawling up your arse for a favour and then drop them like a hot coal.

NotGreatBob · 22/10/2019 23:38

What you need to do now is win the lottery, that’ll learn ‘em some manners no doubt.

buckeejit · 22/10/2019 23:52

What a pair of cheeky bastards.

I'd send the same letter to both of them saying you value the bond & years of friendship but you're really disappointed & feel let down by their dismissive behaviour over this. It's hurtful to be treated like this.

You don't need to say much else but it gets the emotions out of your head& makes them think. Some people are so used to believing me their own version of events that they need a reality check.

Good luck

Dizzygirl00 · 23/10/2019 00:00

This is so hurtful and I’m so sorry for you 😔 they’re not worth feeling upset over & you deserve better. Don’t let them get you down Flowers

W0rriedMum · 23/10/2019 00:12

It's not the concert or cancelled plans that would bother me. It's that B planned a special birthday weekend and deliberately left me out. I'd be looking for new friends to be honest.

VisibleShantiLine · 23/10/2019 01:02

Oh, OP. They sound dreadful. What absolute cowards. Vile, childish cowards. You have every right to be upset.

Agree you need to make new friends. As a PP said, friendships go through evolutions throughout our lives and sometimes (as another PP said) we have that kick on the guts feeling a friend doesn’t see us the way we see them. But to do as your “friends” have done and react the way they have is pretty unforgivable. I’d struggle to come back from that. You deserve so much better Flowers

WatchingTheMoon · 23/10/2019 01:05

I'd say they're acquaintances more than friends. That's ok too. Just either downgrade them in your mind, or stop seeing them altogether.

MyKingdomForBrie · 23/10/2019 01:08

I'm so sorry OP, that's so hurtful. I would cry and feel sad for a bit but definitely definitely distance myself from these friendships.

midnightmisssuki · 23/10/2019 01:10

sorry op - i hope youre not too sad - i would have to seriously re-consider my close friendship with these two. Scale it way back.

Tiredemma · 23/10/2019 06:35

Shitty thing to do from both of them but B sounds like an absolute bitch.