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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give them my baby stuff?

487 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 21/10/2019 15:02

Bil and his fiancé are expecting a baby (12 weeks pregnant I think) and dh has just told me that mil has just asked dh when can fil collect our baby furniture, clothes, toys and books with his van. I think they are even expecting to collect the pram which my parents bought and we are still using (my dc is 22 months old).
Me and dh are also thinking about trying for another baby in the near future.
AIBU to think they are being cheeky?
AIBU to want to keep the stuff because my dc is still using the pram, toys and books and it might be difficult to get it back if we have another baby. And it might not be in as good condition as we gave it.
Dh didn't mention that we were thinking of trying for another baby

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCheekOfSomePeople · 23/10/2019 14:11

Sent Bil's fiancé a message along the lines of - Mil has apparently offered our baby stuff to you. Sorry, but alot of the things are still in use so unfortunately we can't give them away anytime soon. Hope you are doing well x
Not sure if that was a mistake. I sent it before lunch and I haven't got a reply yet. It says she has seen the message

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 23/10/2019 14:16

Perfect text.

Windydaysuponus · 23/10/2019 14:17

Well done op. Just need your dh to grow some balls now....

Sexnotgender · 23/10/2019 14:28

I think you did the right think texting her directly. Stops MIL being able to put any spin on what you’ve said.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 23/10/2019 14:33

I passed everything I didn’t currently need to my DB and it came back when we had 2nd. Keep anything really special but I can’t see the problem in sharing baths, changing tables etc if you’re not using it at the moment.

Clangus00 · 23/10/2019 14:33

That’s a perfect text to have sent.
I’m also of the belief that once you buy someone a gift (the pram) then it belongs to that person and you don’t ask for it back to give to someone else.

diddl · 23/10/2019 14:35

How could it be a mistake?

It basically says "I still need MY OWN stuff".

There's nothing at all wrong with that-not to anyone reasonable, anyway!

Clangus00 · 23/10/2019 14:43

Pram=cot

timshelthechoice · 23/10/2019 14:44

Of course it's not a mistake to have sent that text. Your H is a wally. Definitely get the locks changed and hide all the baby stuff.

notthemum · 23/10/2019 15:49

Well done you. Think I would tell dh this before he hears it elsewhere. Roll on the weekend and getting your locks changed.

Mephisto · 23/10/2019 15:53

Great text. Looking forward to her (hopefully understanding) response 👍🏼

AryaStarkWolf · 23/10/2019 15:59

How could it be a mistake?

It basically says "I still need MY OWN stuff".

There's nothing at all wrong with that-not to anyone reasonable, anyway!

This this this.

DartmoorDoughnut · 23/10/2019 16:12

She’s (SIL) probably still trying to work out WTF is going on as I bet MIL/FIL have done this completely off their own batshit backs.

CravingCheese · 23/10/2019 16:31

Great message. I sort of wish your DH had sent it but it is polite and clear. 👍

billy1966 · 23/10/2019 16:53

OP,

Your MIL is ghastly....cannot fathom how you would allow someone like that have access to your home.

Your husband is extremely weak.

How unattractive.

I honestly cannot understand women having children with partners that clearly don't have any loyalty to them, don't have their back, will stand by and hear them spoken badly about.

I couldn't look at a man like that, not to mind procreate.

It's another example of women setting the bar so low in what they expect and accept in a partner.

Obviously if something is loaned and used repeatedly for a year or two, it is unlikely to come back to you in the condition you gave it.
So I would always think hard before loaning anything I might need to use again.

Easy way to avoid annoyance, keep until you can pass on completely.

Good luck OP💐

bakesalesally · 23/10/2019 17:51

I married a mummy's boy. Stay firm. She still tries to manipulate him and guilt him (and he is a kind, caring man and so I can see how he feels stuck in the middle) so I now call her out. Every single time.

She still tries to flex her muscles every now and again but it's nowhere near as extreme or as often these days a

Windydaysuponus · 23/10/2019 19:27

Do you think the fiancé will even know what you are on about? Maybe mil planned on turning up looking generous - with your stuff?

Leeds2 · 23/10/2019 19:41

I am glad you are getting the locks changed. But please make sure that DH is in agreement with a) not telling MIL and b) if she finds out (how?), not giving her a replacement.

Original poster
TheCheekOfSomePeople · 23/10/2019 20:20

Hmm still not got a reply from bil's fiancé

bakesalesally how do you call your Mil out if you don't mind me asking. Would appreciate some advice for when my mil tries to manipulate, control and guilt my dh.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 23/10/2019 20:26

That's pretty rude of BIL's fiancée too. You'd think she'd have at least sent a breezy "oh ok" or something. Makes you wonder whether the scheming MIL has rung her grumbling at how mean/rude you've been.

Windydaysuponus · 23/10/2019 20:28

Maybe she is thinking Wtaf??

Drum2018 · 23/10/2019 20:47

Let that text be the very end of the subject. She may well go whinging to MiL and MIL could well contact you, but if either of them even mention baby items you shut them down straight away. They have all been told now that you are not passing on your things so there's no need for anyone to mention it again.

SandAndSea · 23/10/2019 20:48

OP, you've said no nicely and explained. If they try to push it, the next step is:

No.
That doesn't work for us.
(And repeat.)

Or, no reply at all.

Any reasonable person would be fine about you wanting to keep your own stuff. You find out what people are really like when you say no to them.

strawberry2017 · 23/10/2019 20:59

I could understand if you were finished with it all but when you are still using it and plan to use it at some point in the future that's just rude to assume you will hand it all over.

Aaarrgghhh · 23/10/2019 23:43

Some people just have no decency. How can you offer someone’s things to another person? What a weirdo. Your text was fine, I’d be giving my partner an ultimatum if he got on like that.