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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feel let down by the sleep consultant. I think I probably am being unreasonable.

61 replies

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 21/10/2019 13:58

But I'm tired and desperate. She may well uses mumsnet so Im not going to say her company or bad mouth her, this situation doesn't call for it at all. But things haven't panned out like I thought and I'm gutted.

I have a 10 month old baby who, on a good night, wakes 5-6 times a night.

I paid I think £470 (I need to check exactly how much in a min) for a local sleep consultant who writes a plan, you have a consultation with and Whatsapp support on the night you start.

I desperately need support. He's my 3rd non-sleeping baby and it's support I need which is why I paid so much.

A couple of weeks back we planned to start today. She would phone we would do the consultation I would start tonight.
I did ask what time but she didn't specify.

I asked again this morning and just before 11am she emailed to say she has childcare issues (totally understand, we've all been there!) and can only do 1pm.

1pm was when I was picking my baby up from the CM settling in, I would be driving then putting him to bed.
She can do 7:15 but that's all my kids bedtimes.
She can do tomorrow at 1pm by that's the time I'm collecting DS again. Now she's not replying.

I had everything building up until this point, I got the cot sorted, the white noise, the two black outblinds, prepped the kids, got them earplugs, warned the neighbours.

I'm exhausted and have been very much looking forward to this it's been weeks and weeks since I paid, this has been a long time coming.

I'm going ahead and don't want to wait any longer. She takes a week to respond to emails as it is.

I'm gutted to be going ahead without the very thing I needed in the first place. I realise I sound pathetic but I'm tired and broken.

OP posts:

ColaFreezePop · 21/10/2019 14:00

Find someone else as she clearly doesn't want your business.

Oysterbabe · 21/10/2019 14:03

You've already paid? I'd be demanding a refund. Also £470???!!!

NumberblockNo1 · 21/10/2019 14:04

That soubds really poor service for the money :(

Are they just expecting you to let the baby scream ? You mention ear plugs...

I wish we could help. Id love a wand to solve sleep problems. I tried for years and then it turned out to be sleep apnea and the baby was waking terrified. All the crying it out in the world wouldnt have helped.

W0rriedMum · 21/10/2019 14:06

I'd be asking about her cooling off period asap.
Did you think about using a night nanny? I didn't but friends did and they succeeded in putting the baby into a sleep routine in 3 nights max. For £150 a night, it might be the same cost.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/10/2019 14:07

We used a sleep consultant and were very glad we did, but as you say you're primarily paying for support, and you're not getting that. I guess it's tricky because she's presumably written the plan and so done some of the work, but I think you'd be perfectly reasonable to ask for a partial refund.

AgathaTheAardvark · 21/10/2019 14:08

Is she just going to tell you to do CIO? The only person I know who used a sleep consultant pretty much got told to close the door and leave her young son all night. He wasn't a teeny baby, but she said he was screaming "mumma" for ages and made himself vomit.

I wouldn't be paying anyone a penny for that 'service', ta.

I'm sure there are good sleep consultants out there, but there are some right crooks as well, who just take advantage of desperate parents, so I would be wary. This woman has let you down and is ignoring you. Not good enough. I would ask for refund.

Sleep deprivation is a bugger though. I really hope you get it sorted.

Thesearmsofmine · 21/10/2019 14:09

What was her plan? To leave baby to scream? I would be asking for a refund, what qualifies someone to be a sleep consultant anyway?

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/10/2019 14:09

Also, I know you're desperate to start - and I understand that desperation - but I'm not sure that it's the right time if you're also doing childminder settling in. That's a lot of change at once for the baby.

Ellisandra · 21/10/2019 14:10

Well, if it’s that important to you to speak to HER, get your husband to do bedtime at 19:15?

What exactly is this conversation for though? Presumably you already know the approach you’re going to take? So is it just a pep talk? You can get a better pep talk on here!

Ellisandra · 21/10/2019 14:12

Agree with @LisaSimpsonsbff though. Settling in with a CM isn’t the ideal time to be leaving your baby to cry for periods at night, which sounds like your plan?

Original poster

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 21/10/2019 14:13

No not cry it out. It's gradual withdrawal and he will be doing some crying/complaining but supposedly no hysterical crying.
I had a lot of questions, such as - what happens if he gets very upset?!
But I can't ask those now.

OP posts:

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/10/2019 14:13

Just for balance - our sleep consultant recommended essentially gradual retreat, and we were so glad we did it - there were a lot fewer tears even during the training than when we were desperately trying to get him back to sleep for sometimes hours at a time before that. I totally think we could theoretically have saved the money and just used a book, but in practice we did need that support. The analogy j always use is that it's like a personal trainer - they can't do the exercise for you and saving the money and finding your own exercise plan is a totally valid option, but it is easier if you have someone giving you a plan to follow and supporting you through it (especially if you're so sleep deprived you can't think!)

MunchMunch · 21/10/2019 14:14

Ive never heard of a sleep consultant, can I ask how it works? Sounds a lot of money for "support", what kind of thing is in the plan?

I've also never heard of a night nanny but from what app said I think that sounds like the way to go!

YANBU

AgathaTheAardvark · 21/10/2019 14:16

No, I'm sure there are, as I already said, some great sleep consultants, but there are also some total crooks who do nothing and expect a lot of money for it. So I was using that story to illustrate my point that you can't trust someone just because they call themselves a 'consultant' and charge a lot of money. Not saying the OP's one is like this, but I would always think critically when using someone like this.

Original poster

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 21/10/2019 14:16

Sorry I was wrong, I paid £377

OP posts:

Original poster

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 21/10/2019 14:16

She's not a crook. My friend used her and said she was brilliant.

OP posts:

wavecatcher · 21/10/2019 14:17

The blissful baby expert is amazing, well
known brilliant advice years of experience. She is on social media, has a book and a forum and is also a lot cheaper than what you have paid! It's also not a cry it out service, good luck try to get your money back.

Maryann1975 · 21/10/2019 14:17

Is your dc having settling in sessions with a childminder because you are going back to work imminently? I get completely that you are so tired, but is this the right time for your child to be sleep training? If you are going back to work it’s maybe the wrong time to delay either thing (you will need your sleep if you are going back to work), but from the child’s point of view, it might not be for the best to do both things in the same week.

I do remember the absolute desperation of having a baby who didn’t sleep, so I understand you are probably desperate and I hope that your sleep training works for you and your baby.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 21/10/2019 14:17

I dont think YABU.

I have been where you were. I tried one lady who came and saw me for 2 hours (was supposed to be 3 but she said she would do the last hour by phone). She went through everything with me and actually diagnosed a tongue tie which was affecting the baby. I got that corrected and asked for the last hour, she was always too busy to reschedule. A couple of weeks later (issues with her child) she sent me through her plan. It was a paragraph of napping schedules, eg awake for 2 hours 1 hour nap, awake for 2 hours 2 hour nap. No mention of how to get baby to nap, no mention of what to do when they inevitably didnt nap, no mention of what to do at night which was my main issue. All correspondence was by email and she took a week to respond and each time just said to tweak the napping schedule. It was hopeless. I just asked for my money back and she kept on saying she could fix it. In the end I gave up contacting her and she never chased me either. I never complained about her as she did help us with the tongue tie and I was grateful for that.

I found the second lady on a recommendations Facebook site and couldn't have been more different. Asked me to fill in a long form which took me about 2 hours. Then she came round with a sleep plan a few days later, it was 5 a4 pages long and she talked me through it, it covered every eventuality, troubleshooting etc. She followed up with a phone call every 2 days for a week. And answered WhatsApp messages constantly including when I was sat in the babys bedroom with us both crying and wanting to give up. She actually still answers messages occasionally and sends stuff out about how to cope with clock changes etc. Our baby slept through the night on the second night and was going to bed without too much fuss within a week, because of all her help. This is the kind of help you need in real time. Waiting a week to respond to your emails and not being available at a time that suits you after taking almost 500 quid is not acceptable in my opinion.

Did you have a contract? How much work has she done for the 500 quid so far? I would ask for money back less a reasonable amount for work that she has already done and try and find someone else who seems really supportive. If you have a contract with timescales in it that she hadn't met this would be a lot easier. Or if you paid credit card or PayPal could you claim back from them for services not received?

When I found my second lady I made sure I got promises of exactly how much support I would get and in what form and response times, and also what would happen if it didnt work (she said she would give an additional x weeks support and if still didnt work she would give me x amount of money back which was basically her profit)

Pinkypurple35 · 21/10/2019 14:17

YANBU. That’s a lot of money with no firm plan in place. Has this person got a website, have they got client feedback. I’d be very suspicious, how can they support you if they take a week to reply?
I’d be looking for a refund tbh, so sorry it hasn’t worked out so far.

Original poster

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 21/10/2019 14:17

I totally think we could theoretically have saved the money and just used a book, but in practice we did need that support.

Exactly! I really needed the support. I'm tired, I'm broken and I'm desperate.

OP posts:

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/10/2019 14:18

I do also think yours sounds very expensive - we paid just over half that for someone with good qualifications and a national reputation.

Original poster

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 21/10/2019 14:20

I was wrong it was £377 I'm a tired idiot

OP posts:

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/10/2019 14:20

Cross post - that was based on the first price you posted, the corrected one is closer to (but still about 25% more than) what we paid.

AgathaTheAardvark · 21/10/2019 14:20

Crook or not, she has massively let you down. Taking a week to respond to emails is dreadful when you really need help .

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