Feel let down by the sleep consultant. I think I probably am being unreasonable.

[DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou]

But I'm tired and desperate. She may well uses mumsnet so Im not going to say her company or bad mouth her, this situation doesn't call for it at all. But things haven't panned out like I thought and I'm gutted.

I have a 10 month old baby who, on a good night, wakes 5-6 times a night.

I paid I think £470 (I need to check exactly how much in a min) for a local sleep consultant who writes a plan, you have a consultation with and Whatsapp support on the night you start.

I desperately need support. He's my 3rd non-sleeping baby and it's support I need which is why I paid so much.

A couple of weeks back we planned to start today. She would phone we would do the consultation I would start tonight.
I did ask what time but she didn't specify.

I asked again this morning and just before 11am she emailed to say she has childcare issues (totally understand, we've all been there!) and can only do 1pm.

1pm was when I was picking my baby up from the CM settling in, I would be driving then putting him to bed.
She can do 7:15 but that's all my kids bedtimes.
She can do tomorrow at 1pm by that's the time I'm collecting DS again. Now she's not replying.

I had everything building up until this point, I got the cot sorted, the white noise, the two black outblinds, prepped the kids, got them earplugs, warned the neighbours.

I'm exhausted and have been very much looking forward to this it's been weeks and weeks since I paid, this has been a long time coming.

I'm going ahead and don't want to wait any longer. She takes a week to respond to emails as it is.

I'm gutted to be going ahead without the very thing I needed in the first place. I realise I sound pathetic but I'm tired and broken.

Ours used the disappearing chair technique which was supposed to be over 10 nights. First couple of nights touching them in their cot and gradually getting to the doorway and out the door. Didnt feel as brutal as CiO because we were there with the baby and also we did pick her up when she was getting very distressed. She helped with a napping schedule in the day and gave us an idea of when to feed her in the night and when to try and resettle her (she was a bit younger so still may have needed food in the night). There is plenty on the technique on the internet but I had so many questions and what ifs and also I think we would have cracked if it was just us, the fact you're paying someone and they are going through it with you and encouraging you and keeping reminding you of your end goal is what you're really paying for

@GettingABitDesperateNow that's basically what this is.

Did you find when you picked her up, she was just super hysterical when you put her back in?
I've experienced that and this is my main worry about the whole thing.

How old was she when you did this technique? Did she have a dummy?

Only read your original post but I think doing sleep training at the same time as CM settling sessions is probably not a good idea.

If she has social media I would call her and tell her you are going to start complaining about her publicly.

I don't have a choice. It's the way life has worked out.
He loves the childminders though! So that's one battle down.

Did you find when you picked her up, she was just super hysterical when you put her back in?

We used this technique and no, we didn't - but I think that's just luck/the baby's personality. All babies are different and so all sleep issues are different. I've had a lot of judgement on here from people whose babies co-slept beautifully going on about they 'just rolled over and fed and didn't even wake up'. That wasn't DS. He stopped feeding to sleep during the four month sleep regression and never started again, and he would stop crying in our bed - and then start wanting to play. The whole thing was a clusterfuck just before we tried the sleep training and he seemed almost relieved that we were doing something consistent at last! So it was very easy. Now, six months on (he was 9 months, now he's 15 months) last night he closed the book while I was reading his bedtime story to him and pointed at his cot - he really does just want to be left to get on with it, now that he understands what he's supposed to be doing in there! But again, that's luck and personality - anecdotally it seems easier to keep going through the sleep problems if you have a feed to sleeper, as you have a surefire thing that works, but a lot harder to stop it. We had got to the point where nothing we did worked for any of the three of us, and that actually made change surprisingly ok.

Ds co-sleeps and it clearly doesn't work for him.
He's already started to show great signs of self settling, I see it over the baby monitor during the day.
But night times are bad. And it isn't helped that I'm in bed with him. It doesn't work for him at all.

So I too, hope that it's better for him. I have a good feeling, I just hope I'm not wrong.

I'm mentally preparing for an all nighter of no sleep. That way, if I get sleep then it's a bonus.

I have no magic words of advice - sleep deprivation from constant night wakings going on for years, nearly broke me.

However, I wonder if she'd give your money back and you could get a night nanny for those nights when you need to sleep through so at least you don't feel like a zoombie.

He does feed to sleep though and he loves that.
He used to hate breast feeding and now he likes it, so that will be our main battle.

One of the Health Visitors at my GP surgery is a trained/qualified sleep trainer and came to see me for free. She stayed two hours, helped me with a plan and said I could call her/have her back out anytime. Did you speak to your Health Visitor about anything that available in your area for free?

£470! I would recommend the little ones sleep programme online for £30. It sounds like she isnt very good at her business it she is taking so long to respond and giving you the runaround. It doesn't exactly strike confidence does it.

We were advised ( by FREE sen sleep consultants) to do the kiss and return methods as shown by super nanny on tv jo jo suggests same routine at the same time ( what ever you want that to be ) put baby to sleep chatting to them first time, second time they wake up quick “night time !”and put back to bed , after that it’s silent treatment minimal stimulation just put them down and leave trying to leave longer gaps before going in each time . Aim is they self soothe , first few days nightmare then they settle down
Wishing you all the very best xxx

I'm mentally preparing for an all nighter of no sleep. That way, if I get sleep then it's a bonus.

We found that the first few nights there were a lot fewer tears than we'd feared (and than we'd had when we attempted gradual retreat two months earlier - I don't know if it was just that he was more ready for it, or that we were a lot more confident in what we were doing and that was calming) but there were loooooong periods of him being calm but awake in his cot so it was exhausting. We started over a weekend because I did it and I was working at the time while DH was on parental leave, so that I could sleep in the day - I know that might not work for you, though, especially with older children.

Is this in the UK, because if it is, you should be able to get a referral from your GP to attend an NHS sleep clinic - free.

Incidentally I did try talking to our health visitor team. One person made me feel like a monster for attempting any form of sleep training, but she then did pass me on to the 'sleep specialist' health visitor who told me to try and get DS to eat more solids by giving him more puddings (!) and then to do controlled crying. I did not take her advice.

She should be more responsive really as that’s part of the service and expectations. It’s really hard when you have paid a lot of money for work and a service and something doesn’t feel right. I’m going through this at a moment with a non child related service. The disappointment when you feel you might have wasted a lot of money is hard to deal with.

I bought the littleones sleep programme.

I followed it to the letter and he was in a screaming soaking (sweat and tears) ball of mess and it was horrific. Not how the said it would go at all.

How long did you try it for OP?

I am not a sleep consultant but I very gently trained two breastfeeding co sleeping children into becoming very good sleepers. So as I see it the positives are that yours self settles for naps.
I am assuming the main problem is that he feeds to sleep and when he wakes up at night is looking for some comfort. We had very similar issues with both. So some kids struggle to fall asleep and some struggle to fall BACK asleep at night but go to bed ok. Mine were more in the second category than the first.
So we used an Ikea cot with one side a bit down. I kept a daytime feeding diary so I was absolutely sure that he was getting all nutrition he needed for my peace of mind. Then consistent bedtime routine, feed, put down in the cot and pat intermittently. I found that one child needed a dummy, one needed a muslin cloth to hold and they both slept better curled up on their side (past the main age for SIDS). The first night I held him inside the cot while sitting in my bed and patted. Same for nights 2 and 3. Did the same at each wake up and offered the muslin. By night 4/5 I was patting but not holding. By two weeks I could tuck both in, and sit at the end of the bed while they fell asleep and by the end of the month I could leave them to it after a few pats.
When they woke up at night, I did the same holding and patting. And gradually over two weeks by offering the dummy/muslin and patting they would fall asleep sans crying. Eventually I reduced the pats and basically would just let him know I was there. And eventually they slept through. I kept them in my room for another 6 months and moved them out later. Sometimes (they are nearly 8 and 3), the younger one needs tucking in at 6 am or else he will wake up but he still holds the muslin and sleeps.
It wasn’t a miracle 3 night solution but consistent sleep came and I think they are both very secure at bedtime because we did it so gradually pushing them out of one comfort zone bit by bit but always being there. We also used the same words at bedtime and for every night waking which helped as well. (In a non English language so that won’t help you!).
I read a bunch of sleep books, I looked at each kid and thought of what might work for each (one was clingier than the other) and also what might work best for us as a family. I didn’t have another child with the first one but with DS2 I had to adapt the plan. DH and I wrote it out and we reviewed it daily and I wrote down how the night went. So when Day 11 was a bit shit, I could still look back and see how much better it was than day 1 IYKWIM.
I hope that helps in some way.

£470 for somebody to teach you how to get your baby to sleep through the night?? Seriously!!

Wilmalovescake I followed the littleones routine for months. But the night thing didn't pan out like they said it would.

They said he would be asleep within 15 minutes.
Over two hours of hysterical crying, I realised I had to stop when I found myself banging my head against his cot in frustration.

Never ever trying that again.

I'm really surprised that a Sleep Expert would agree to a new sleep routine whilst your child is settling with a Childminder. That in itself would worry me.

Hi @DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

We tried the little ones sleep program as well. Didnt work at all for us.

She was 7 months when we eventually sleep trained and we were co sleeping as well purely because she was up every 90 min at least anyway to breastfeed so it was easier for me. She was a very light sleeper though. So we put her in her own cot in her own room when we sleep trained

The sleep consultant did say be careful about how much you pick her up because she will kick off more so you will end up doing it all night. So I think we only did it 2 or 3 times over the whole process, on the first and second nights when the screaming went from crying to sound like it was hysterical. She also said it can make some children much worse as they think they're going back in bed with you so said ideally instead we could put our hands through/ over the bars and pat her instead. She said it was down to our judgement and obviously if the baby was hurting herself or going to be sick through screaming or anything we should pick her up

She would turn on to her tummy and get a bit stuck and we would help roll her over a couple of times but then she was doing it deliberately so we increased the time on her tummy and eventually left her to it.

She never had a dummy, just me that she used as a dummy! Only now she is almost 2 does she like any comforter type things, she was never bothered before