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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hit trigger warning for attendance- all for poorly baby

132 replies

12carrots · 20/10/2019 21:40

Help me out MN!
Work have taken me to the side and said I need to attend a meeting RE my attendance- I've had 2 days off (not together) in the last 6 months to look after my son. Childminder would not take him these days as he had v&d, anyway I would rather be there with him when hes not well. Especially as I am still breastfeeding and he rejects the bottle when he's poorly.

I had one sick day last week, I was genuinely very ill and also vomiting. I work on a reception desk so very customer facing.

I was under the impression that ALL employees are allowed emergency time off for dependants?

Should work be classing these absences as different absences or are they 100% correct to class all absences under one category?

Soooo.... AIBU to not expect to hit my "trigger points" when I've had one absence for myself?
No family nearby so no emergency childcare available, they are aware of this too.

OP posts:
BlouseAndSkirt · 21/10/2019 08:41

It is very tough when kids are starting nursery and school and pick up endless bugs.

But
he earns more than twice what I do, so financially it makes sense for me to take emergency time off

This drives me mad, as an employer. I am really reasonable about leave, and supportive of working mothers because I am one, and I believe in supporting women in the workplace. But why should it always be MY place if work that bears the brunt and not the DAds’? Why am I doing my best to support women’s advancement and they constantly shout themselves in the foot?

You already cover half your child’s sick days by working part time. You already save your household the childcare fees on those days. Parenting is a two person job in a household and as you are both working you both need to share parental / dependents leave days.

TabbyMumz · 21/10/2019 09:01

"Blahblahblahblahhh

An absence period is not the number of days.
I had 8 months off work after an operation - this was one period of absence (not 240 individual days)."

Yes, but, and it's a big but....you dont work where the OP does, and everywhere is different. Not everywhere does the Bradford score either. Where I work, 8 months off is 8 months off and a very serious amount of time off. You could be dismissed for 8 months off, so you cant go round telling everyone 8 months is fine because its one absence!!

TabbyMumz · 21/10/2019 09:04

"ignore everyone on here saying 2 days is one period of absence...its still 2 days

well, yes and no really. if the workplace is using the Bradford score"

We dont know if the are using the Bradford score Lots of people have mentioned this, but the OP hasnt confirmed it.

Original poster
12carrots · 21/10/2019 09:27

It's not just DPs income and current job status that means I take the time off for the kids when they're sick, it's also the fact that LO wont eat or take a bottle when hes poorly, DP cant breastfeed!

I was very clear on the RTW forms and stated the time off was not for my sickness but to look after my poorly son

OP posts:
Original poster
12carrots · 21/10/2019 09:34

Also all the PP jumping onto the bandwagon of "dont be financially dependent on him " ect, we are both dependent on each other, I'm currently supporting him towards the next promotion- he's spent 5 years working for this- these next few months are crucial for him. As his partner I understand this and support him through it. It may not be the "perfect" situation but it's better than the alternative.

Considering my work dont pay for any overtime, and dont pay me for the break I dont get the chance to take every shift, I'd rather lose a day there as it'll have far less impact on our family come the next payday.

OP posts:
Theresnobslikeshowbs · 21/10/2019 09:49

Unless they let you go altogether as you are under 2 years service. Which they legally can do.

catgirl1976 · 21/10/2019 09:52

YANBU as you are legally entitled to time off for dependents (unpaid)

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

However, if you phoned in sick then they will treat it as sick leave. So as PPs have said how did you take this leave?

greeentopmilk · 21/10/2019 09:59

The OP is asking for advice about sickness absence and the legalities surrounding how it's recorded and what she can and can't be disciplined for. Not how much time her husband has had off and how financially dependent she is Hmm

Op every company will have its own sickness and absence policy so I would ask for a copy of it.

As long as you were honest about the reasons you were off, they should have recorded child sickness as parental/dependents leave and your own personal sickness as sick leave. But I'm not sure if they can lump it all together as general concerns for absence or if it should be kept as separate types of absence. ACAS should be able to give you some advice.

Unfortunately with under 2 years service there's not much stopping them from dismissing you for any reason they see fit.

MummaStace · 21/10/2019 10:09

This reply has been deleted

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megletthesecond · 21/10/2019 10:15

Sorry if this has already come up. But have you used all your annual leave up? If it's early days I'd max that out before anything else. I had a handful of my sick days logged as annual leave when mine were small. It didn't trigger anything that way.
Those pre-school days were just winging it tbh.

MummaStace · 21/10/2019 10:18

It is a common misconception that employees with under 2 years service can be dismissed without the company facing almost any repercussions. Companies must still treat employees with under two years service the same as they would any long standing employee and follow processes. Employees can make a claim for breach of contract from day one of their employment and there are exceptions to the service requirements, one of which is an employee exercising their right to maternity/parental leave and time off to care for dependants.

Loopytiles · 21/10/2019 13:28

“ we are both dependent on each other“.

Yes, and you’re facilitating him to earn more to your direct detriment. Fine if you stay together, but if you split up, he would keep his earning power and unless you have an all singing all dancing cohabitation agreement you would get very little.

Hesafriendfromwork · 21/10/2019 13:32

YANBU as you are legally entitled to time off for dependents (unpaid)

Yes and they are entitled to manage her for it as well as the link says.

woodchuck99 · 21/10/2019 13:54

There are babysitters that can be employed to look after ill children, you may need to take them further away to someone that can look after them, or use the time to find someone to swap your shift......

So where would people find babysitters who can look after ill children? I don't see how anyone could reasonably be expected to employ someone with those skills in less than a day.

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 21/10/2019 14:12

Considering my work dont pay for any overtime, and dont pay me for the break I dont get the chance to take every shift, I'd rather lose a day there as it'll have far less impact on our family come the next payday.

I'm honestly not trying to have a go - just making sure that you have seen this from a longer-term perspective. Next payday is one thing - what about pension?

NeedAnExpert · 21/10/2019 15:39

So where would people find babysitters who can look after ill children? I don't see how anyone could reasonably be expected to employ someone with those skills in less than a day.

3 second google.

Hit trigger warning for attendance- all for poorly baby
woodchuck99 · 21/10/2019 16:36

3 second google.

Yes, but while they say that they will look after an unwell child I am sure that would include only very minor illness that is not too contagious. They say that they usually book someone within a few hours which suggests that you can't realistically get someone the same day so would still need to take a day off. I live in very populated area and there are only 24 babysitters so the chances of being able to get someone at short notice would be pretty slim.

Lazypuppy · 21/10/2019 16:49

Next payday is one thing - what about pension?

^^this

NeedAnExpert · 21/10/2019 17:21

Yes, but while they say that they will look after an unwell child I am sure that would include only very minor illness that is not too contagious.

You’re assuming.

They say that they usually book someone within a few hours which suggests that you can't realistically get someone the same day so would still need to take a day off.

They say 90 mins. That’s not a day.

I live in very populated area and there are only 24 babysitters so the chances of being able to get someone at short notice would be pretty slim.

I live in the middle of nowhere and they found 110 in my area.

woodchuck99 · 21/10/2019 17:59

You’re assuming

I'm assuming that they are not healthcare professionals and would have the sense not to look after very sick children yes.

They say 90 mins. That’s not a day.

I assume that is if you already use the service which wouldn't necessarily be the case for OP. In the booking your first babysitter section it states "We'll email you as soon as we've filled your booking to let you know who your childcarer is, together with some background details about their childcare experience. We usually fill bookings within a few hours - but if it's taking longer than expected, we'll keep you updated by email along the way."

NeedAnExpert · 21/10/2019 18:04

Okay. So the first time it’s reasonable to take the full day. Part of it can be spent making arrangements for future issues like registering with sitters.

Second time should be a matter of a couple of hours needed to make arrangements.

CravingCheese · 21/10/2019 18:04

The national red cross provides child care for parents experiencing an emergency/an accutely distressful situations or for sick children ('ill in their own bed'). I've only ever heard good things about them.

But Idk if they do that in the UK as well...

DonPablo · 21/10/2019 18:58

Well, I wouldn't leave my sick kid with a stranger babysitter, would parents really do this?

megletthesecond · 21/10/2019 19:38

Over my dead body would I leave a sick child with a stranger.

RedskyToNight · 21/10/2019 19:47

Well if your option is lose your job and lose your income or have a suitably vetted babysitter look after your sick child, what do you do?

DD was in hospital for 2 weeks a few years back. While she was there a little boy who was 2 or 3 came in (can't remember what was wrong with him). Said little boy was left alone for all but couple of hours or so in the afternoon when his dad came in to visit. It turned out that his mum had just had twins, so clearly couldn't leave them or bring them into a hospital full of sick children. And dad was a self employed taxi driver, so if he didn't work, the family had no money coming in. He said he didn't want to leave his child on his own, but didn't know what choice he had. They had no family close by and no one to rely on but themselves. It was pretty heartbreaking.

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