Hit trigger warning for attendance- all for poorly baby

[12carrots]

Help me out MN!
Work have taken me to the side and said I need to attend a meeting RE my attendance- I've had 2 days off (not together) in the last 6 months to look after my son. Childminder would not take him these days as he had v&d, anyway I would rather be there with him when hes not well. Especially as I am still breastfeeding and he rejects the bottle when he's poorly.

I had one sick day last week, I was genuinely very ill and also vomiting. I work on a reception desk so very customer facing.

I was under the impression that ALL employees are allowed emergency time off for dependants?

Should work be classing these absences as different absences or are they 100% correct to class all absences under one category?

Soooo.... AIBU to not expect to hit my "trigger points" when I've had one absence for myself?
No family nearby so no emergency childcare available, they are aware of this too.

Your employer is entitled to be concerned about how much unexpected time off Any staff member is having

3 days in 6 months. The employer should be entitled to be concerned? WTAF? Is this seriously how people think?

I would say the 2 occasions for your child should have been emergency annual leave and your sickness just one episode. Sickness policies are supposed to pick up on people having higher than average time off sick. It is wrong for time off for children going down as sick leave as nothing to do with your health. I would go to the meeting and day that you clearly stated first 2 absences were for a dependent and not you sick and that you had not been offered a rate interview to discuss how the time would be taken. Incidentally 2 days off for d&v is same as one day off in terms of triggering as it is just one episode.

rtw interview, not rate !

OP....ignore everyone on here saying 2 days is one period of absence...its still 2 days. No company would prefer 2 days to one and noone on here knows what your sick scheme is. You should have either requested it as holiday or flexi or emergency time off for dependents.

PPs are right in that you are only entitled to take whatever time off would be reasonable to make arrangements for someone to look after your child. Generally that wouldn't be a whole day - although as you say, if you have no family or friends who can help out, and the childminder won't, then you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Your contract says you will turn up to work and do your job. If you don't, regularly - for whatever reason - the employer will start looking into it. It might sound mean and not family friendly etc - but not all businesses can afford to be kind and caring - and others rely on (low paid) staff who are expected to be there. It can be very hard - I worked in HR and had to 'warn' a single Mum whose small child had a weak chest and often needed looking after (they had no family around) - that her employment would be terminated if she kept having time off. It was horrible - and forces people onto benefits - but employers are not charities.

Could you come to some arrangement where you make up the hours at another time - or use annual leave?

ignore everyone on here saying 2 days is one period of absence...its still 2 days

well, yes and no really. if the workplace is using the Bradford score this is calculated as number of periods of absence x number of periods of absence x number of days so OP had 3 single days off, meaning 3 x 3 x 3 = 27, so yes, 2 days is still 2 days, but I always think that taking time to get back on your feet properly means you may not be off sick again in a few days and therefore keep your score down

Can I suggest moving this to employment matters. There are a couple of people on that board who really know their stuff and will give good advice.

My work records special leave as the same as sickness for Bradford score purposes. I think this is odd. It's not like we have many options if our toddler gets a stomach bug. Nursery won't take him. My dad is immuno compromised after cancer treatment, so my parents can't take him. DH's nearest family is 2 hours away. Either DH or I needs to take the time off as he can't go to nursery for 48 hours after his last V&D incident. Like OP's child, as he's still nursing, if he is really poorly he suddenly won't eat/ drink anything unless it's milk from the source. Workplaces know this, but still go through the motions of disciplining new mums for emergency childcare.

You need to ensure you say your child is ill and you are taking dependents leave not that you are taking a sick day. Dependents leave is for emergencies and to allow you to make other arrangements but generally covers up to 3 days but nothing is set in stone. You might wish to share this with your OH so one person is not always off for the care.

If you explained at the time and know who you spoke to them you should be able to get it reclassified.

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

Useful info here. It sounds like it hasn't been recorded properly.

Since you’ve been there less than two years your employer does not need a reason to get rid of you, so I would tread very carefully if you want to keep this job.

3 days in 6 months. The employer should be entitled to be concerned? WTAF? Is this seriously how people think?

For a part time member of staff 3days could be a significant amount of time lost.

Dependents leave is for emergencies and to allow you to make other arrangements but generally covers up to 3 days but nothing is set in stone.

Where do you get 3 days from? It’s not in the legislation.

You just need to check your policy

Our work is x3 sickness absence in 12 months is a trigger, but excludes emergency days - we get up to 5 paid emergency days in any 12 month period - other businesses will be different

DH and I take it turns to be off with the kids and you need to start doing the same. His job is not more important than yours.

@NeedAnExpert

And what was the OP supposed to do? Even one day off was clearly already 'too much'

An absence period is not the number of days.
I had 8 months off work after an operation - this was one period of absence (not 240 individual days).

The reasons you give for your DP not sharing days off aren’t good ones. He can take unplanned annual leave too, and still compete for training and promotion - it’s what working parents do, not just mothers.

If you’re not married, your personal earning power is vital. You’ve already taken massive personal financial risks by going PT and prioritising your DP’s job.

These absence policies are ludicrous. As if anyone can guarantee that they, let alone their child, will not get sick more than once a year. We need a party in government that is brave enough to tackle abusive employment practices: policies stating you can’t attend work with D&V, then onerous meetings quizzing you about why you were off and threatening you with disciplinaries? Madness.

I'm finding it a bit odd that the OP (presumably) just rang in and said they were taking the day off because of their sick child. How did they expect this to be recorded/managed? Did they think they'd just get the day off and it wouldn't be recorded or queried? In my workplace (because they are normally amendable to short notice annual leave) parents just take a/l if they have a sick child. That means no questions asked.

OP - you've not answered what you wrote on your RTW paperwork. If you clearly stated why you had the time off, that gives some weight to your case that you expected it to be recorded as emergency dependent's leave (though your work might then query why you took the whole day).

My partner has not taken time off recently as he is in the middle of a heavy training scheme leading up to a promotion, he is the only one who can do his job and he earns more than twice what I do, so financially it makes sense for me to take emergency time off.

No. No, it doesn't:
let's assume that DS being sick for 2 days every 6 month is at least average. If not below average...

1. You are imo clearly hampering your advancement. => your opportunity to earn more one day as well...

1. It seems like continuing this family policy may endanger your job in general. That doesn't seem like it would financially benefit your family... And it seems like your husband has better job Security than you do!

1. I'd feel rather pissed off if I was your boss.... Or your coworkers. I would wonder why a new hire (so already a precarious position) didn't depend on her husband in these situations.

1. Women that do this also promote the stereotype of mothers being 'bad choices'.

In my company it's 3 periods of absence.

So someone could have 4 weeks off in a row, another could have 3 individual sick days, and the 3 sick days would flag up but not the 4 weeks.

I think it's fairly common for it to work like that.

If you’re not married, your personal earning power is vital. You’ve already taken massive personal financial risks by going PT and prioritising your DP’s job.

Ah, yes. And that's reason number 5. I somehow thought you were married.

This will have a major impact on your retirement fund. And the opportunity to support yourself and your family. In case of your DP losing his job, being in an accident, a break up...

You are extremely unlikely to ever earn more if you continue to priorities your DP's career and earning potential over yours.

I have most used A/L when my kids have been sick or needed procedures and was given compassionate one time because of otherwise good attendance. Their Dad rarely takes time off due to being selfemployed. My workplace and various temp managers have never questioned why it is me who needs the time off. We do have Bradford index but for sickness only so I ha e never triggered this. I work in public sector so perhaps they are more understanding than private

@Loopytiles and @CravingCheese wholeheartedly agree.

I rang in to work one day, to say I would be 20 mins late as I had to wait for DH to return home from work (1hr into his day) to look after dick DC. (Young male) colleague's response: won't they mind him taking a day off for that? 🤦‍♀️