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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you let your child win pass the parcel at their own birthday party it tells me everything I need to know about you.

281 replies

FastAway · 20/10/2019 19:43

Well, am I?

I mean, come on.

OP posts:
FthisS · 22/10/2019 11:39

I took my younger 3 to a party once which was such a crazy experience nearly everyone left and nobody believes it happened. Not only did the birthday boy win every party game, he wouldn't allow anyone else on the bouncy castle or to play with the mascot. When it came to the buffet it was decided he didn't want to share. That was when I left and took my bloody present with me.

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 22/10/2019 12:15

*We were invited to a child’s birthday party who was a child of my STBXH family friend

The mother who I cannot stand anyway made sure that her children and nephew and nieces won the prize.

Then they cut a cake and were giving out a slice to everyone to eat. Except only the close family were given the ‘nice’ fresh cream cake and the rest were given a box standard Costco cake.

My DS who was 4 at the time asked her if he could have the fresh cream one and she said no that’s not for you.

Bitch*

I also forgot to add to my above post that she rigged musical chairs and statues, and was controlling who could go on the bouncy castle but made sure if her children wanted to go on it then they could!

Angry
gymraes · 22/10/2019 12:19

Ban PTP!

BillHadersNewWife · 22/10/2019 13:28

NowWhatUsername do you mean "bog standard"??? Or "Box" because it was a Costco cake in a box? Please don't say you thought it was 'box standard' rather than "bog standard"?

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2019 13:30

I honestly can't imagine ever giving a shit about this.

BillHadersNewWife · 22/10/2019 13:38

Bluntness but kids do. That's the point. Kids can get so disappointed. about things like this that they remember.

Mephisto · 22/10/2019 14:03

@BillHadersNewWife

Does it matter? What is it with posters ripping into everyone for the slightest typo these days.

mamandematribu · 22/10/2019 14:42

So kids still play pass the parcel?? I thought that game died out years ago.

OooErMissus · 22/10/2019 18:17

Why would it have died it?

It's a regular on the kids' party circuit.

Bumblebee1115 · 22/10/2019 18:29

Every party I’ve been to a child attending the party wins not the birthday child. I mean it’s their birthdays they’ve had lots of presents so usually the parents let another child win yeah?? Also they should make sure every child gets a go to in wrap a layer.

ParkLife123 · 22/10/2019 19:54

To answer a PP’s earlier question, no I don’t think the birthday child should win every party game. That would just be weird and boring for all the children.

However, as a grown woman I do not feel the need to judge any parent who deliberately lets their child win PTP or lets it happen by accident. It’s really not that big a deal to me (or to my kids) and I have no idea why there is such strength of feeling on the matter.

Let the birthday boy or girl have a bit of extra limelight FFS. Why the bloody hell not? If your kids aren’t happy with the birthday boy or girl winning then they sound like brats. And if you and your children are normal people you’ll be happy for the kid. Otherwise it sounds like you really shouldn’t have been invited.

ParkLife123 · 22/10/2019 20:02

I’ll have to repeat this because some troll or the OP will no doubt say I MUST be one of the ones who lets my kids win. I’ve said in my first post on this thread that I haven’t actually had a party for my kids where this game was played.

But it’s just easier for some people than it is for others not to be judgmental, that’s all.

OooErMissus · 22/10/2019 23:11

Nobody is judging, or thinking badly of the (birthday) child for winning, Parklife?

And the party guests don't really give two hoots who wins, either.

But yes, I absolutely notice - and judge - the types of parents who engineer it, so that their DC wins.

ParkLife123 · 23/10/2019 00:09

Oooermissus - then I suggest you find an interesting hobby!

If you read my post it clearly refers to people who judge parents... and for what?... making their kid feel a bit more special on their birthday? Who cares, really? And more importantly than that... you have no idea what might be happening behind the scenes. Is the child lacking confidence? Being bullied? Perhaps they always get overlooked at other children’s parties. Perhaps they are having a tough time at school or have an underlying medical condition.

No, I absolutely would not judge a parent for doing something completely harmless to make their child happy. And yes it’s completely harmless because children invited to parties don’t come for that final layer... they might be mildly disappointed that the final layer hasn’t landed in their hands, but FFS they’ll get over it if they’re not total divas/brats! It’s a good lesson for all of them. Perhaps those parents have only ever been to parties where the same was done?

Why be so judgy when you actually don’t know anything about a situation?

OooErMissus · 23/10/2019 01:01

We all judge Parklife - even you! Why, you're judging me right now. Wink We're human, it's what we do.

And oh yes, of course, there might be a zillion and one lovely, heart-warning reasons why a parent might rig it so that their little darling wins PtP.

Or, far more likely, there won't be.

So why not show a bit of 'generosity of spirit' hospitality, good hosting - whatever you want to call it - and let one of the other little guests win?

The OP posed the following question in her title - 'if you let your own child win PtP at their own party, it tells me everything I need to know about you'.

And she's right. It does. Smile

OooErMissus · 23/10/2019 01:05

Oh, and the judging only takes micro-seconds, so no need for it to infringe on my precious hobby time!

midnightmisssuki · 23/10/2019 01:08

i dont think people care what you think of them tbh - do you care what they think of you? All the ptp games my daughter has been involved with the kids open a layer each - birthday child won once it think, all other times other people won. Did i judge the mother? No. Do i like her still? Yes. Maybe try not to be so judge OP.

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 23/10/2019 01:26

A dinky little gift in every layer (otherwise it gets huge really quick Confused) with a slightly less dinky gift in the centre. Big cheer for the non-birthday child winner, and on we move Grin

ParkLife123 · 23/10/2019 09:37

Did i judge the mother? No. Do i like her still? Yes. Maybe try not to be so judge OP.

^ This. Absolutely spot on @midnightmisssuki

Thank goodness some people have a bit of sense around here!

Euromillsplz · 23/10/2019 17:17

Jesus christ @OooErMissus
Have some Flowers to soothe your tormented soul.

Chuffed to bits that you enjoyed my 'generosity of spirit ' phrase so much that you keep trotting it out. You're welcome.

Unfortunately, you don't seem quite bright enough to understand what it means.

@ParkLife123 et al are spot on when they talk about it being the birthday child's special day.

Although no-one with a shred of humanity would begrudge a non birthday guest the prize- surely, if we're talking not upsetting anyone (princessy mummies aside), young children are more likely to see it as fair and logical that birthday child gets it. Cos, you know- it's their birthday. Whereas, if only one out of 15 guests gets it (rather than the obvious choice, birthday child), the kids of bratty mummies like yourself are likely to feel that life is even more unfair, no?

If it grates on your sense of unfairness so much- why not just not bring a present along? That'll teach em eh, the greedy bastards.

But as I said- who really cares either way. As long as the kids are happy. The beautiful irony is, you sound like someone who's programmed their kids to feel some degree of bitterness if they don't win the sacred tat. Dear me.

Ultimately though, I think that those who get really riled about this kind of thing are dull as fuck/severely lacking in some deep way.

Tut-tutting, frowny, miserable, competitive mummies. Bore off.

As you were .

OooErMissus · 23/10/2019 17:38

Ultimately though, I think that those who get really riled about this kind of thing are dull as fuck/severely lacking in some deep way.

Takes one to know one. Smile

Calm down dear, it's only a Mumsnet thread! Here, have some Wine for your tormented soul.

Euromillsplz · 23/10/2019 17:52

Categorically not riled about a kids party game dahhling.

If it makes you feel better to think I'm riled about your painful over-investedness in pass the parcel, knock yourself out.

I've merely pointed out the obvious to the hard of thinking.

Have a nice evening.

OooErMissus · 23/10/2019 17:56

Well, you certainly seem riled about something. But if you say you're not, I believe you.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

CravingCheese · 23/10/2019 18:03

As someone who finds pass the parcel a sort of confusing choice of birthday game (I guess it might be a bit of a British double...)? This argument makes sense to me:

surely, if we're talking not upsetting anyone (princessy mummies aside), young children are more likely to see it as fair and logical that birthday child gets it. Cos, you know- it's their birthday. Whereas, if only one out of 15 guests gets it (rather than the obvious choice, birthday child), the kids of bratty mummies like yourself are likely to feel that life is even more unfair, no?

THIS (the OP's suggestion) however sounds like a horrible idea:
last layer which any sane parent turns around for OR chooses the one of their kids friends they like the most, was instead deliberately given to birthday boy 🙄

Chooses one of their kid's friends they like the most?? I mean, seriously, what the fuck??
Leaving it up to chance? Sure. But picking a winner from the guests? and with that motivation / reasoning?

Seems fairly horrible to me tbh. Teaching kids that life and adults are unfair when playing a birthday game is one way of teaching a life lesson, I guess. But it wouldn't be my choice. And I would judge the parent for choosing to do that....

Noodledoodledoo · 23/10/2019 18:31

I normally do a layer per child at the party with a sweet between layers. With spares in my pocket incase I have missed a layer!!

At my daughters last party we had too many guests for all to have a layer - it would have taken forever and they were at an age to get distracted and wander off! So I told them at the start this was the case but I had loads of sweets left over so they would all get one! All seemed happy with this.

Was all randomly picked and as others have said passed on if they have had a go already.