To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

[Thinblues]

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal?

@NarwhalsNarwhals My mum's dog sends my dog postcards when they go on holiday

So cute! My Mum's Dog has a bitch girl friend who lives across the road and they give Christmas presents to each other....wrapped and everything!

Spider getting a Valentine's Card is a new one! 🕸🌹💝🕷😘

Greatblue0wl

No I didn't. You seem quite paranoid. Why are you determined to think you are right when you are wrong. I've explained how you are wrong, you just can't seem to accept it.

The bottom line is what does it 'cost' one human being to be kind to another? In your case OP it costs you nothing, but you can choose to call SIL out on it and it may 'cost' you far more than you'd ever anticipate if the rest of DHs family call you out on it.

Better a dog instead of one of those Reborn dolls OP.

Getting our two cats helped to me to heal from the pain of infertility. I didn't even realise how broken I was inside until I had these two, to love and care for.

I don't throw them birthday party's but I sure as heck wouldn't judge anyone who did. Everyone has to heal in their own way.

Will I be devastated when they go. Of course I will be but I will always appreciate the level of peace and healing they have bought me.

You don't seem to have very much understanding of human emotion and pain a person might be going through and the ways in which they might ease that pain.

What harm would it do to just be kind. Go to the party and pretend to be happy for the dog.

Fwiw I have 3 children and our dog is a huge and very important part of our family we love him to absolute pieces and spoil him and the dc (old teenagers) totally baby him. Anyone that doesn't like my dog doesn't need to come into my house.

Yabvu.

Also I think the view that celebrating or even acknowledging animals birthdays is wrong, is actually quite odd. Ok so the animal doesn't know different. Does a 2yr old child really understand the concept of birthdays etc? No? Yet they still get presents?

We give our dog birthday and Christmas presents. Last year my parents got her a banner as well. Because while she has no concept of age, she does get excited at a new toy and blanket, and she likes chicken breast etc. We get her a doggy biscuit treat advent calender too. When she had a minor operation recently, we put her on the settee with a pillow and a blanket half over her. We boiled chicken breast each day to coax her to eat, and generally spoilt her. Because she is part of the family. And it is nice to give them presents!

We wouldn't personally throw a party for lils, but each to their own. I don't understand why some people pay thousands for a brand new car for their 17yo, but I don't set up threads claiming they're abnormal.

Op you actually sound quite mean. Don't go - say you've got an appointment or whatever. But thinking of telling her how' abnormal ' she is is petty as hell. She's not.' ramming it down your throat " she's done an invitation. Op you say you're fed up of photos and the constant talk and the party is the last straw. In that case I hope you don't show family photos of your kids or didn't talk about them a lot (as is common when dc are small). I sincerely hope you didn't invite her to your kids parties. After all, you wouldn't want to shove things down their throats. Or is it one rule for them and another for you?

To many people (my family included), the dog is a part of the family. We wouldn't lock her outside for visitors to come in. Obviously we wouldn't let her jump up over someone who was scared or whatever, but she is very much a part of our family, and yes her needs come above our wants. For eg she's always had someone at home with her as dad's retired, and she pines if we have to go somewhere without her for a day. That's fine, we have to go, she has to manage. But her seleration anxiety has a greater impact on her, than going abroad has on us. We'd rather holiday in this country and have her with us. I personally couldn't enjoy my foreign holiday if I know she was upset and not eating and sad at home. So yes our needs come before her preference. Her needs come before our preferences. And sometimes her preferences Come before our preferences. Because she is part of the family.

I think you’re being unkind. If you suspect that this behaviour is linked to their infertility then you are being very heartless and uncaring.

I don’t like dogs at all but if I knew that a dog meant so much to a family member then of course i would attend and celebrate. I would love to attend my first dog birthday party.

Wow, over here we have dog cafes that bake treats especially for dogs, puppacinos, doggy day care, people do birthday parties, presents etc

OP is a major misery guts, trying to hide her derision in fake concern.

People love their animals. People have capacity to spoil their animals. Nothing wrong with it.

Photographer would be a lovely way to family photos.

OP it would be best is you kept your miserable attitude away from the party - you'll just bring everyone down.

Yabu and very unsympathetic to the pain they must be feeling. You’re just mean and it’s bad

It’s also the way this post is written - without compassion

As a keen pet owner of a dog.Any idea that this day is its birthday? Would it care? Again, likely no in my view. What the dog will appreciate is great walks, many cuddles, battles with the cat in which it was victorious (possibly fantasy, we don’t care)) etc. oh, and food.All kinds of food. And cuddles.Tinker. PS. send curry.

Also it isn't infringing on ops life. At least, not to an extreme extent. All of us have things that we don't agree with happening. For eg the fb friend who posts stupid comments occasionally but who is otherwise a nice person who shares good links to what's happening in the area.

Op has a few options. She can make an excuse not to go to the party. She can go to the party and behave decently. What she shouldn't do is go and tell them how 'abnormal' they are.

She can hide sils posts and mute conversations. You can access conversations when wanted, and sil would not know you've hidden posts. Re the present. You haven't got to take a present if you do go, and if you do, a bag of meaty treats or similar cost about 2 quid. You can get rope toys in tesco for about 3 quid and

I know someone who doesn't like babies but always wanted a dog, had a name picked out etc. in the same way someone might dream of having a baby. She got the dog and if you heard her talking about it out of context you'd be quite reasonable to assume she was referring to a toddler. And yes, said dog had a 1st birthday party. I'm not an animal person so I'd never behave in that way towards a dog but I don't see why I should spoil her enjoyment, and I always ask about her 'fur baby' in the same way I might ask about someone's child.

So, I would just go to the party, smile and put your feelings aside - what harm is it doing you? If you don't like being bombarded with photos etc just mute the chat if it's WhatsApp.

Yeah I'm with you OP it's fucking weird. My SIL and her husband, are similar to this with their cats. They are mid 40's no children, never been brought up in conversation why but they don't have the life style of people who choose not to have children so I have assumed this is a substitute child thing. They have never had a party, but we are expected to buy her cats Christmas presents, she cradles her cats like newborns, has clothes for them, and everytime we see them we have to browse through photos of the cats and feign interest. I don't fucking like cats. I do go along with it to be polite of course. But I don't know if I'd go to a cat birthday party. I think I'd make an excuse. Send DH and the kids maybe.

Op you say you're fed up of photos and the constant talk and the party is the last straw. In that case I hope you don't show family photos of your kids or didn't talk about them a lot (as is common when dc are small). I sincerely hope you didn't invite her to your kids parties. After all, you wouldn't want to shove things down their throats. Or is it one rule for them and another for you?

It's not the same though is it. The OP's children would be Niece and or Nephew to them. Actual family. The dog is not the OPs family. Not the owners son. To pretend as such IS weird. Polite to go along with at a push, but to say you hope the OP isn't doing exactly the same with their human children is a bit off.

I’ve only read the first page of posts but It sounds like she’s really struggling with not being able to have kids and is transferring that into putting everything into her dog. Which, I agree, must be frustrating but I think you should go and definitely not mention that you think it’s weird. Have some empathy, unless you’ve been in her position emotionally (which you can’t be as you say you have DC), I wouldn’t be so quick to judge- you don’t know what you would do if faced with the same situation and I’m sure she knows it’s not ‘normal’, but would be really hurt if she knew you a) were discussing it on a public forum and b) were making fun of it.

I think it’s a mean spirited post.

I agree Actionhasmagic; you’re not coming across as a very nice person OP, especially as your first couple of sentences acknowledge that you know they can’t have kids and feel this behaviour is linked to that so it’s not like you don’t know why they’re doing this.

You sound mean. She isn't hurting anyone. Just go and celebrate. 🤷‍♀️

It's a party, your family will be there, go and have fun. You might think it's odd but it's not hurting anyone so if it makes them happy why judge? I find small children's parties (or any group events where they are present and demanding attention) unbelievably tedious now mine have grown up but I'd rock up with a present and a smile on my face if I liked the parents.

AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? hmm

That would be mean and nasty, OP. Everyone has different ways of dealing with the hand that life deals them. This is hers. Just go along, or make an excuse and say nothing detrimental. The idea of you "pointing out" your thoughts is awful. Don't be that person - it's cruel.

OP, .you are not worried about her. You clearly don't like her and this is nothing more than an excuse to bitch about her.

nothing more, nothing less...

you don't have to agree with how she is coming to terms with her infertility (what would be the right way to do it, OP). But going to a party really wouldn't hurt you.

Please don't go. I wouldn't meant people who talk like that in my house, I cannot image Sil is very different.

They can’t have children and have found something else to put their love and energy into. You clearly have no capacity for empathy. Maybe its a little eccentric, but the inner pain from grieving a life without having children can be epic.
Ask yourself, how much time and energy have they put into supporting and participating in celebrating your children? Maybe that will help you get some MUCH needee perspective

It’s no different from people taking time off work when a pet dies.

@greatblue0wl

You're coming across as a bit of a bully.

It's quite clear what Drogo was saying. Why so aggressive?!