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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Greatblue0wl · 20/10/2019 01:47

drogo These poor people need help to deal with the fact they can't have children.

wtf. “These people”?? Comments like yours are why those who can’t have children feel like second class citizens.

BarbedBloom · 20/10/2019 01:47

I am infertile, I don't think anyone else should be telling me how to cope with that. Some days I wanted to die. It took me to my lowest point. I don't throw birthday parties for my cats, but I don't see the big issue with this to be honest. It sounds fun really and I wouldn't find it any more boring than a child's first birthday party for example, which could equally be considered as benefitting the parents far more than the child.

If you don't want to go fair enough, but I really would not be saying anything to them. I can't see anything good coming from it, just a lot of upset and some people thinking you're a dick. The thing is though, many of my doggy friends do take their dogs everywhere and buy lots of things for them. The photographer and stuff is a bit more unusual, but dogs do become part of people's families. Of course they are animals, but given some of the people I meet, I can see why people prefer dogs.

Drogosnextwife · 20/10/2019 01:49

wtf. “These people”?? Comments like yours are why those who can’t have children feel like second class citizens.

These poor people, as in these two people, meaning the sil and the bil. Wtf are you going on about?

LimitIsUp · 20/10/2019 01:53

I think you are seriously lacking in emotional intelligence op

Drogosnextwife · 20/10/2019 01:53

How your SIL treats her dog is nothing to do with you, it has absolutely no impact on your life at all,

Actually it does when the OP is receiving messages and pictures about the dog all the time, and is now required to attend a birthday party and buy it a present.

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 20/10/2019 01:54

They can’t have real babies. Try to understand how horrific that feels. And then just go along with it.

AProblemHasOccured · 20/10/2019 01:56

toomanypillows I agree and relate to every word. My heart broke a bit actually when I read your post, because, for me at least, it's so fucking true. I'm the only ones out of my friends who isn't a parent. The only one out of my siblings who isn't a parent. Days out/trips/outtings all have to be arranged around the children. I have to act delighted and not at all hurt/jealous/broken when pictures are shared of the children in what'sapp groups. Family events are unbearable. And I feel like a fucking bitch for feeling this way. They aren't doing anything wrong but it hurts so much.

Op, your SIL is probably just trying to feel a tiny bit of resemblance of what it's like to be a parent. And yes, I realise how ridiculous that sounds, and no doubt other posters will point that out, but there you go. Please be kind to her.

SaucyTomato · 20/10/2019 01:56

@Drogosnextwife
The OP has the option of blocking or hiding her SIL on social media, so she doesn't have to see anything.
She can also politely decline an invitation.
As I said, it has no impact on the OPS life.

Greatblue0wl · 20/10/2019 01:58

Drogo. It’s perfectly obvious I was referring to you patronising response to “these people”. It’s very obvious it wasn’t referring to the couple in post specifically. Unless you know them personally?

BarbedBloom · 20/10/2019 01:59

@AProblemHasOccured. It really does suck, doesn't it Flowers

Igotthemheavyboobs · 20/10/2019 02:00

What strikes me as fucking odd is that people on here are ignoring the many infertile people on this thread who have advised why this may actually help the sil to sooth the grief of infertility?

They all speak as if they are 'concerned' but what they actually mean is, learn to deal with your grief but not in a way that is going to inconvenience me or take any attention away from my actual children.

Drogosnextwife · 20/10/2019 02:01

@SaucyTomato

Her dp says she has to basically suck it up and go.

Duck90 · 20/10/2019 02:02

Good point igot

Drogosnextwife · 20/10/2019 02:04

Greatblue0wl

Yes actually it was only referring to the couple in the post. Why on earth would I be referring to all people who are infertile?

AProblemHasOccured · 20/10/2019 02:05

@barbedbloom* it most definitely does. Some people on this thread ought to realise how lucky they are.

StoppinBy · 20/10/2019 02:06

Why don't you just humour them? They are not harming anyone, the kids will have lots of fun and they get to experience the things that they will miss out on by not having human kids?

I say that as someone who believes dogs are not children, they are way below my kids in our family pecking order but appreciate how lucky we are to be able to do these things with our human children.

As long as the dog is trustworthy just go and enjoy the party with your own kids/extended family.

Drogosnextwife · 20/10/2019 02:07

Why would I have to know them personally to refer to them as these people?
I said these people because that is the two people the whole OP is about.
By your logic I must know all people who are infertile?

Tojigornot · 20/10/2019 02:08

I really can’t see the problem with just going. It might be fun.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 20/10/2019 02:13

Well you sound like a massive fun sponge. One of the best parties I ever went to was a budgie’s wake. Grin It’s just an excuse for a party, and I’d rather go to a doggy party than a kids one (torture!)

Greatblue0wl · 20/10/2019 02:14

Drogo
I don’t know why you were referring to many, but you did. So you personally know the couple op is talking about? Because that want clear. I don’t see where it’s obvious they need help.

OMGshefoundmeout · 20/10/2019 02:14

I’m not an animal lover but I have enough empathy to realise that for some people (and not just those who couldn’t have children) pets become like family. It’s not something I’d do myself but I can understand why someone else might.

I probably wouldn’t go as I’m not much of a one for parties but I wouldn’t judge them for holding it or inviting me.

Gingerkittykat · 20/10/2019 02:16

Can you get your DH to take the kids?

The party sounds really naff, I like dogs and enjoy spending time with my friends with dogs but would find a party like that deeply cringey.

There are some people who are obsessed with dogs to a ridiculous degree, they bore the life out of me. I accept it is the way they live their lives but don't make me pretend to care about their constant dog chatter.

Daddystilllost · 20/10/2019 02:19

My Mum always said "Never trust anyone who isn't an animal lover, there's something not right with them" whilst pointing at her head. I live by this mantra myself.

You should be happy for her OP. She's found happiness & companionship with her little dog. He's filled a void.

When my Dad died, my Mum was like a lost sheep. 50 years of marriage from when she was just 22; he was all she knew.

Enter Alfie the Schnauzer Pup.

He's a daft, hilarious & loving little soul who brings so much joy &meaning to her life. (He even gets Dad's side of the bed, complete with two pillows!)

She often says she doesn't know what she'd do if anything happened to him. Does that make her "unhealthy?" Or just happy and full of love & meaning once more in her later years?

She doesn't give him birthday parties by the way (Just a chew bone and a cuddle!) 🐾

MissLadyM · 20/10/2019 02:20

Don't go then. What a misery you are! Cold hearted people don't understand the love people have for their pets

SaucyTomato · 20/10/2019 02:20

@Drogosnextwife
And she has to obey him because......??

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