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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Nitsmugandselfrighteous · 20/10/2019 14:02

When people post pseudo-psychological stuff like it’s “worrying behaviour” or “dangerous” I just lose all respect for posters I’d previously liked.

I mean if you’re going to be patronising and unkind, at least own it, instead of hiding behind supposedly ‘caring’ comments.

The fog party I’m sure, is an excuse for a get together, I’m sure it’s partly tongue in cheek. God knows what she’s feeling like.

barnun · 20/10/2019 14:03

No more abnormal than spending a small fortune on a giant chocolate cake only to have a baby smear it all over themselves with the resulting photographs looking like a dirty protest.

Exactly.

I'd go if my friend had a party for her dog/cat. I'd think she was bonkers, but I like bonkers and frankly they all put up with me rabbiting on about my kids enough, turnabout is fair play and all that.

SoupDragon · 20/10/2019 14:03

They must know it's not a human.

Of course they bloody do 🙄 That doesn't mean they can't love it.

Nitsmugandselfrighteous · 20/10/2019 14:04

Sagrada you’ve picked a name which refers to a place created by someone with enormous creativity and imagination.

An example of extreme human effort and team-work and that’s leaving spirituality out of it.

Did it inspire you at all?

Historydweeb · 20/10/2019 14:06

I literally do not see a problem, it sounds like the best kind of party there is. Maybe you could come down with a sudden onset diarrhea issue if you're against it that much?

Dongdingdong · 20/10/2019 14:08

I think it sounds like a lot of fun.

Lighten up OP, go along and get into the spirit - you might surprise yourself!

Sagradafamiliar · 20/10/2019 14:14

Nits if you don't think it's concerning, then that's fine.
I just wouldn't go. I'm allowed to not go to a dog's birthday party.

Girliefriendlikescake · 20/10/2019 14:15

Have you got a dog op? I never understood people who doted on their dogs until I got a puppy!

I am obsessed with my puppy, I love him so much. I'm now wondering if I should have a bday party for him next year 🤣

Sagradafamiliar · 20/10/2019 14:16

And I have no idea what you're getting at in regards to my username. This isn't 'ask me anything'. I left my comment and now I'm going. I have no interest in derailing the thread.

AngelsSins · 20/10/2019 14:22

So this poor woman can’t have the children she desperately craves so finds happiness in her dog. You want her to stop because YOU feel uncomfortable with it? Are you actually serious?

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 20/10/2019 14:32

Surely this can’t be a healthy way of coming to terms with infertility.

Unless you have also come to terms with fertility then you don't know and you don't get to have a say in how she copes. I'm infertile. Whilst I don't celebrate my dogs birthdays, I do make sure they have a stocking of treats at Christmas and they are absolutely my family. In fact they come before some members of my family.

Infertility is excruciating and painful and it took me a decade to come to terms with it. Throughout it all I had my dogs and some days they were the on,y things that got me out of bed and got me through the day.

Let her enjoy her animal and her life and you stay away if it offends you.

LadyAllegraImelda · 20/10/2019 14:32

You are being so negative Scrooge! What's it to you? if this makes her happy then so be it. It'll be funny, go a have a laugh and use it as an excuse for a piss up! I take my dog to the pub on his birthday, he loves it and all the fuss.

Nitsmugandselfrighteous · 20/10/2019 14:33

Who is it concerning for though?

Sagrada are you ‘concerned’ for the woman throwing the party, or the dog, or the OP, or the government? 😉
I just would like to know who your concern is for?
I think you should save it for the next human being you walk past who’s in a sleeping bag in an underpass. They do need our concern.

The dog owner is a complete stranger to you. I bet you light up the room at the parties you do choose to go to.

Don’t worry about the de-rail, we’re all partying here by ourselves because the OP fucked off ages ago when not everyone agreed with her.

LadyAllegraImelda · 20/10/2019 14:34

and he knows what presents are and gets so excited to open them! Only problem is when it's anyone elses' birthday he wants a present too Hmm

Nitsmugandselfrighteous · 20/10/2019 14:35

Flowers for Leighhalfpennysthigh

Witchinaditch · 20/10/2019 14:35

Go along and be kind. It’s important to them
and if they support you in your events what’s the harm?

ToPlanZ · 20/10/2019 14:38

I don't like parties at all (sorry I'm a miserable bastard).

However I would go to this one. If it brought a single iota of comfort to someone struggling with the huge spectre of infertility to have a birthday party for a pet I'd don a paper hat, down a glass of wine and share the cake, I'd even dance.

Infertility is fucking awful, a tiny bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss.

OPnameChange · 20/10/2019 14:41

YANBU. It's absolute bonkers!!

WhoWants2Know · 20/10/2019 14:43

Nitsmugandselfrighteous

If you don't start off with an understanding that dogs are animals that can be dangerous, perhaps you ought not be around them.

Anthropomorphising behaviour towards animals (in this case Dogs) is dangerous because a person is attributing human thoughts and needs onto an animal, instead of observing and understanding what that animal is actually communicating through it's behaviour.

Understanding dogs' needs and behaviour is the key to key to keeping safe around them. In the year between April 2017 and 2018, more than 8000 people were admitted to hospital following dog bites. That's just the bites serious enough to merit a hospital admission.

Based on a general understanding of dog behaviour, does a dog need a bunch of people who aren't members of its pack entering it's space in a high energy mood?

Notonthestairs · 20/10/2019 14:43

Op you don't get to decide what is appropriate for this couple (or anyone else really). Just because you think you'd make different choices doesn't mean you are right.

I do wonder if you feel that either you or your children don't get sufficient attention from other family members.

LaurieMarlow · 20/10/2019 14:46

I cannot see any issue with this whatsoever. If it makes them happy they should crack on.

Like any party, if you don’t want to go, find a polite excuse.

kmammamalto · 20/10/2019 14:48

Aah it's one of those posts where the OP trawls through all the people telling her she's being unreasonable to reply to the two that agree with her....
Doggy party sounds lovely. I hope the OP doesn't go with her judgement and sneering.

notso · 20/10/2019 15:01

And entirely between the poster and her dh, no one else involved. It's not something I would ever have wanted but hey ho.
And your point is...

Limensoda · 20/10/2019 15:07

Drives me mad the way some people treat their dog like a baby and coo and fuss over it. I think they are bonkers but I would go to your SIL's doggy party.
If it makes here happy and I get to socialise with others what's the harm?
I'd draw the line at buying a present for the dog though. A pat or stroke of the head makes a dog happy enough without having to buy a gift Grin

gingersausage · 20/10/2019 15:08

I’m amazed! Nearly 500 posts and no one has pointed out the most important thing - it’s not just a dog, it’s a dachshund. Dachshund owners are a breed of their own and mostly bonkers (I can say that because I am one). I don’t dress mine up or anything like that (they’d murder me in my sleep) but I love the seeing whole mad dachshund community online. It could actually be that rather than being all the nasty things that the OP ascribes to her, the SIL is actually just a “crazy daxy lady” like many other owners. Dachshunds seem to inspire a lot of social media accounts and things like tea parties and photography shoots. People love following them online. Maybe the SIL’s dog has an account and the party is for that.

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