To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

[Thinblues]

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal?

Haven’t RTFT just the first few pages but OP you sound like a proper fun sponge.

Thank you to the poster that linked the bacon bubbles, I have just ordered some to go in my dog’s Christmas stocking.

Sounds like a cry for help tbh. You could then ask her if she's ever considered adoption or fostering.

Not gonna lie, if I was in the OP's SIL's position and someone asked me this, I would probably headbutt them.

@NotACleverName agreed!!!

Obviously our opinions differ @AlexaAmbidextra. Hope you can cope with that.

It does sound to me like a very strange and slightly desperate public show of something or other - and most people in a position to reflect might realise they're making others uncomfortable by putting them in a position where they have to 'play along' and ignore the underlying sadness prompting the event. I think the op would be better off just being real with this woman and talking about real stuff - some other time. This sort of enforced jollity isn't going to solve the emptiness she's clearly feeling. Better to steer her gently towards some future options that mighy actuallt give her some real happiness. Yes im sure she knows what adoption is but maybe this big show of whatever it is will prompt someone to be frank with her about her options.

We can't have kids, and our dog is, in part, a baby substitute in that she helps direct our parenting and nurturing instinct into something positive.

Although a birthday party is a little OTT, we'd go and bring our dog with us. She loves other dogs so would love it.

Plus the idea of a bubble machine would send her into rapture. She loves bubbles and can't get enough of them. We've got a cheap one as it helps keep her entertained in the back garden while we're tidying up.

She sounds like the type that would place an obit in the local newspaper after her dog died....
But I don’t think she is doing anyone harm, after all spoiling the dog is better then neglecting him, isn’t it?

YANBU to decline the invitation, YABU to complain to her about it, live and let live.

Well people who throw parties for dogs are likely to be volatile and unpredictable, i guess @NotACleverName. Best for the OP (and everyone else) to steer well clear!

The SIL didn’t make it “public” though did she? The OP did by putting it in here.
SIL perhaps thought it was a bit of fun and daftness among people who LOVE her.

On here

Instead of thinking of the dog as a replacement child (I'm sure they are aware it's not a child) just think of it as something that brought them comfort and happiness when they needed it most. They are celebrating that joy and good on them for going all out.

You don't sound very generous hearted, tbh. If I was your husband, I wouldn't be liking this side of your character. What's not to like about someone else hosting!

I think anthropomorphising animals is generally a bad and sometimes dangerous idea.

I love dogs (and cats and cows and pretty much anything with a face).

But they aren't people. They have different needs, instincts and thought processes than humans.



There's a reason why there are emotional support animals, therapy animals etc - because the ability of animals to love you unconditionally is healing. If dog parties were unusual, there wouldn't be businesses doing well on offering dog cakes.

My animals are the reason I'm still alive. You sound cruel, sneery and totally without empathy, OP.

Contented Soul. We have a dog and NEVER leave mess This is a pet hate of mine too ! Lead ,Bag, Keys is my mantra each time we set out !

I’ve NC’d for this. I’ve used my pets as surrogate children whilst struggling with the heartbreak that is infertility. I didn’t realise how much I was projecting at the time.

This is what i used to think (and still do, really) if someone had given me a baby - in the way that the baby appears in a basket in Captain Correlli’s Mandolin - I would have loved and cared for that baby as though I’d given birth to it. And naturally, (without making a conscious decision to I mean) I would have demoted the dogs’ place in the family. But in the absence of having that urge to create and/or nurture fulfilled, I found having a couple of largish, intelligent, noisy mammals to look after helped soothe me somewhat.
They also got me out in the fresh air more often, which obviously helps with depression.

This is how I resolved the moral dilemma (inside my own head, didn’t voice it) that my pets were better cared for than some children throughout the world.

You sound callous and self-righteous OP. I’m glad I don’t know you.

Infertility now is harder than it has been at any time in history. But you sound as though you have no imagination anyway. I can expand on that but I think this post is already long.

Is it ok to show up with a Rottweiler?

Only if it's gift-wrapped.

Lovely post nicefence

NRFT, OP.
Your first post was sufficiently distasteful, insensitive and judgemental enough for me to decide I didn't want to see anything else you had written.

No need to be so sneering about how two family nembers treat their much loved pet.

Advice - stay away. I bet your negativity will radiate from you in spades. Find something more to your taste to do on that day.

To whom is it (anthropomorphising) “dangerous“ WhoWants2Know ?

I would guess it’s pretty inconvenient and may be even dangerous to future production levels if you’re a farmer. But how exactly is it dangerous to anyone other than the owner, as long as no bestality is involved?

I can’t stand people who use hyperbole.
“Dangerous” pffftt.

Totally going to do this for ddog this year. It'll be fucking chaos.

just keep the shit maker away from me!

I assume that you have some sort of "golden hole" do you contented?

I wouldn't have anything to do with it as I don't like dogs. It's worrying behaviour but they just need to be left to get on with it, without being encouraged by others. They must know it's not a human. Fertility issues are sad and like nothing else, but dogs are dogs. It's a dog.

Sounds like fun!!

It's a much-loved dog which has brought joy into a couple's life Sagrada, and holding a party for it harms no-one and brings them pleasure.

So people have to go to it?