To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

[Thinblues]

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal?

Totally going to do this for ddog this year. It'll be fucking chaos.

That sounds like my kind of hell.
I make no secret I'm not a dog lover....partly due to experiences of my own mother who acted exactly the same. Cited many many times she never wanted any of us...we were all accidents!!
Needless to say I find ALL dog lovers nauseas and dull. The parks and pavements are strewn with their dog shit., or even more revolting bags of shit hanging of trees and bushes!! Utter scum!!
A relative has a dog, which has never been disciplined. I honestly detest the fucking thing!! Twice we have been invited to tea and twice said dog leapt on the table and began wolfing down off plates....one of which was my partners!! Needless to say I avoid going these days and did I mention their house now reeks!! Dear God..the stench hits you as soon as the door is opened.

No ta. just keep the shit maker away from me!

OP you seem like someone who expresses faux sympathy for your sil's infertility when you are really just judging how she is coping because her coping strategy is not approved by you. People love their dogs, you don't accept that people like different things. If you don't want to go to the party don't go, you'll bring everyone else down - stay at home and wallow in your miserable judginess.

@oilyoilyoilgob thank you ❤️

I have 3 children and a rescue dog. He barks for the ice cream van and we always buy him a 50p cone if we have ice cream. We give him little treats because we know he loves it. When he asks for his dinner early, we tell him he needs to perfect his waiting skills. He's not a human, of course he's not, but we love him. Your SIL obviously has money to spend and is choosing a party for her dog. Enjoy it.

I think just go, it’s not for you to decide what is healthy for her (but maybe draw the line at dogging, rather than doggy, parties).

@SpamChaudFroid

Got you covered

Of all the terrible and awful things people can (and do) get up to, reserving any disdain for someon holding a dog party seems frankly ridculous.

People aren't only allowed one dose of disdain/disapproval/negative opinion which they have to reserve for the most terrible thing they come across in life.
I'm fairly sure that OP can still be anti FGM/Trumpism/modern slavery it she wants to, and still think that a party for a dog with a photographer (that carries a family three line whip) is daft.

As long as the dog is happy who cares? If the dog is being put in situations he finds uncomfortable that's inappropriate but if the dog enjoys the way they treat him then live and let live.

It's very very weird imo. And seems sort of wrong, tbh. Buuut...

Not being able to have children can't be easy (bit of an understatement, yes).
now they have a pet and having it seems to help. Which seems like a good thing to me...

I'd go to the party, be secretly confused and try my best to have a good time! Be with your family, enjoy life... And celebrate a dog. Who seems to be substantially contributing to your SIL's and BIL's wellbeing.

There are worse things imo.

I see OP hasn’t been back? As the vast majority of other posters haven’t joined in with her sneering the way she expected I’m just surprised she hasn’t been on to announce she’s asked MN to delete as she’s decided it’s ‘outing’.

OP has probably left the country after being spotted in RL in this thread.

Yabu I haven't gone through with it because I live with people who think it's rediculous

But I have thought about a doggy party and birthday cake and stuff for my ddog birthday

I also get her birthday and Christmas presents. And we always make her special day special

You don’t have to go to the party. But you are coming across as insensitive. This is their way of dealing with their grief. Does it take anything away from you? No.

Maybe she wants some payback for all the dreadful childrens parties she's had to go to over the years. Infertility aside there's such a lot of wasted money for presents for kids that are too young or too spoilt to know how to enjoy them.

You don't have to play along - she's a grownup!

If you care about her why not say yoi can't make it then offee to meet up onebto one another time? Then use the opportunity for a heart to heart - find out whats really going on and see if you can help. Sounds like a cry for help tbh. You could then ask her if she's ever considered adoption or fostering.

You could then ask her if she's ever considered adoption or fostering.
No, FGS don't ask an infertile woman that .

The card was a birthday card from bump so clearly for the Mother.
And entirely between the poster and her dh, no one else involved. It's not something I would ever have wanted but hey ho.

Infertility has the power to bring people to their knees @Thinblues . It destroys marriages and mental health, hopes, dreams and everything in between. Be kind and loving, welcome your new canine niece/nephew with a smile and just remember in time your SIL May have not perspective but right now she needs this. Think of how lovely it will be for her. Hi with a smile and compassion! Make sure you bring a present!

@Thinblues - one more thing. It doesn’t matter you don’t agree with how she’s coping by throwing so much love into a dog. It ain’t your pain or heartbreak. Be there for her, at the party and in other ways too.

Sounds like a cry for help tbh. You could then ask her if she's ever considered adoption or fostering.

Sounds like nothing of the sort ffs! And do you think this childless couple are not aware that fostering/adoption exists? Talk about patronising. 🙄

Friends of mine who have no children have a DDog - they have a birthday party for their dog every year - we are all dog lovers so don’t find it strange at all and all pitch up with our dogs , a present for the birthday boy and enjoy the human food and drinks .

let people enjoy things!

Beautifully put, lovetrain.

Best you don't go if you are going to be so unkind, you probs won't be missed anyway if you have this attitude because people do pick up on it

Just think yourself lucky that you aren't in that position.

Read up on kindness 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I'd go in a heart beat. You sound like a horrible person OP.