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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
sueelleker · 20/10/2019 10:33

Cellebelly; you can get bacon flavoured bubbles for dogs from Amazon. I've bought some for my 2 for Christmas.

ARoomWithoutADoor · 20/10/2019 10:37

The thing is, OP, it doesn't matter if you think it's a healthy way of coping with infertility or not.
That is what SIL is doing, and that is not your business

So, go with good grace, or don't.
But don't go and tell her so / snicker at her, that would be hugely unkind

NoSquirrels · 20/10/2019 10:38

So just don’t go, OP. Find a really good excuse - a day out with a friend visiting from afar, a matinee theatre show - and send your regrets, but hope they have a fun day.

Your DH can take the DC, which if they’re anything like mine will ADORE it ... sausage dog in birthday outfits, a photographer and bubbles - what fun!

You don’t have to agree with her babying the dog, but it’s not that unusual and frankly it’s not your place to suggest they need help to deal with things differently aka your charming “point out it’s not normal”.

Dachshunds can have separation anxiety - if it’s not good at being left that’s why the dog comes along with them. Perhaps they should work on it but to be honest a sausage dog is not much trouble and most family-friendly stuff can accommodate a small dog along too. I assume she’s not stopping your family doing anything?

People post baby pics and video on social media all the time. Posting puppy stuff is even LESS problematic - dogs aren’t going to care about their digital footprint as teenagers!

Why do you care so much?

You say it’s concern, but it can’t be - you sound extremely judgemental.

Something about it is pushing your buttons and it’s not worry about your SIL.

Mummyshark2018 · 20/10/2019 10:39

Lighten up op!

We celebrate our dogs birthday with a stupid hat, big steak, a few new toys and a cake. It's fun for us as our dog brings so much love to our lives. Although we have a dc we can't have anymore and yes believe it or not getting a puppy really did help to move on from infertility. Be kind. This obviously means a lot to your SIL. The dog is part of their family. If you want to have a relationship with them then I would accept that this is how they feel.

makingmammaries · 20/10/2019 10:42

Is it ok to show up with a Rottweiler?

MaisyMary77 · 20/10/2019 10:45

My lovely sister decided not to have children, not because she’s infertile but because she has a life limiting illness. Her DPs father died from the same illness. They couldn’t get pets because of work commitments and allergies so instead they have a couple of beautiful teddy bears. They have names, birthdays, are taken on all holidays and are spoken to as if they are real. I’ve never once judged. My DM used to raise an eyebrow but tactless as she usually was, never once said anything. They make my sis happy.

My dog turned 2 the other week. I wish I’d had a party for him! 🙂

SerenDippitty · 20/10/2019 10:48

I would love to go. Our first dog saw us through the pain of having to give up IVF though like a pp we lost her young - 3 years - in tragic circumstances. We had our second dog 16 years. They both brought and gave us love and joy.OP it really is not for you to dictate how your SIL comes to terms.

misspiggy19 · 20/10/2019 10:48

Yesterday there was a thread about a woman whose 16 guests cancelled last minute for her 1 years old birthday party and she was told to suck it up and that no one wants to go to a one year olds party.

Today people are saying OP should go to a dogs birtbday party and that she is being mean if she doesn’t go.

Only on Mumsnet.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 20/10/2019 10:53

BTW, I've booked a doggy playdate for my DDog's birthday this year so she can have fun with all her friends. It's more than I do for my children who just get to go to school as usual!

OK, so DDog's birthday falls on her normal doggy-day-care day but that's beside the point.

Cornettoninja · 20/10/2019 10:54

@misspiggy19 oh right, so they’re all the same people are they? MN isn’t one user and you.

And actually there are a fair few people on this thread saying not to go either because they agree with OP or because they think she shouldn’t take her bad feeling along with her.

manicmij · 20/10/2019 10:55

I've had dogs (and children) and acknowledged their birthdays but nit with a party. At Christmas the dog always had a parcel under the tree. Party of the family. Your SiL's family is her dog. Ut is mad but what's the harm. Perhaps wants to guve something back for all the family birthday parties she has been invited to.

saraclara · 20/10/2019 10:56

Yesterday there was a thread about a woman whose 16 guests cancelled last minute for her 1 years old birthday party and she was told to suck it up and that no one wants to go to a one year olds party.

Today people are saying OP should go to a dogs birtbday party and that she is being mean if she doesn’t go.

Only on Mumsnet.

Ha! Indeed. This place is nuts sometimes.

prawnsword · 20/10/2019 10:57

It sounds like fun for the whole family !

GummyGoddess · 20/10/2019 10:57

I give my cats Christmas and birthday presents and I have two toddlers. It will cost you nothing to be kind and mean a lot to your brother and your sister in law.

theoriginalmadambee · 20/10/2019 10:58

You come across as extremely jealous and petty OP, is she 'stealing your thunder?'

Thanks to all the lovely pps loving their pets as much as I love mine, they are family members to us Smile.

stanski · 20/10/2019 10:58

You lack empathy and don't sound very nice. If they can't have kids they've put their love into their dog and you can either support it or just not attend. Don't judge until you've been in their shoes.

missbattenburg · 20/10/2019 11:04

Of all the terrible and awful things people can (and do) get up to, reserving any disdain for someon holding a dog party seems frankly ridculous.

Add in that they are family who are having to deal with the heartbreak of infertility and it becomes downright mean, imo.

I could well imagine how caring for something (anything) could help ease the misery of not caring for your own child. Even if I couldn't, if I thought someone I loved thought it would help I couldn't do anything but support them.

But of course, this is not really about concern because when you love someone and are genuinly concerned they might be making a mistake, you don't go online and complain to strangers using language like "I've nothing against her" - "fed up" - "rammed down our throats" etc.

LyraBelacquaSilvertongue · 20/10/2019 11:05

OP you sound like my toxic ex-BIL, whose nastiness about my love of animals was one of the factors in my marriage ending (seriously).

The thing that has kept me going is my dog, who has now become my baby and who has just had his birthday party (he’s never had one before, I was a “normal” dog owner Grin). Luckily I am surrounded by empathic and kind people, who bought him gifts and joined me in celebration.

I’m not stupid and I know that their gifts for my dog were their ways of showing me support after my marriage ended.

There is no hope for my ex-BIL but if you could find some empathy from somewhere it would do you and your whole family some good.

WorraLiberty · 20/10/2019 11:06

I think it's hilarious Grin Grin

If I got invited to a dog's party I would so go for the shits and giggles but if you don't find that sort of thing amusing OP, then just don't go.

It sounds like you're all shits and no giggles.

Life was never meant to be this serious.

WalkofShame · 20/10/2019 11:16

Yesterday there was a thread about a woman whose 16 guests cancelled last minute for her 1 years old birthday party and she was told to suck it up and that no one wants to go to a one year olds party

Today people are saying OP should go to a dogs birtbday party and that she is being mean if she doesn’t go

Only on Mumsnet

I didn’t see that thread and it was out of order that people didn’t turn up, but it totally reinforces the fact that people view a dogs party in the same way as a baby’s birthday party.

NoSauce · 20/10/2019 11:20

Today people are saying OP should go to a dogs birtbday party and that she is being mean if she doesn’t go

No, the OP doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to but that’s not what this thread is about. She started it to have a sly dig and be a judgemental arse because SHE thinks her SILs behaviour is weird.

SpamChaudFroid · 20/10/2019 11:21

Well it's a beautiful black and white pencil drawing, so that's classier, right? There's also a painting of my old dog in the kitchen

I'd like to have the kitties and the canine captured in an old masters style formal portrait.

Beesandcheese · 20/10/2019 11:21

Crackers. But then a lot of things are OTT to me such as: half birthdays, engagement parties, baby showers, gender reveal parties, cake smashes, starting school parties. So I'd probably go because families getting together is nice.

theoriginalmadambee · 20/10/2019 11:25

I don't think Op should go! Nobody needs such nasty and negative guests attending.

Actually it says a lot about her SIL that op is even invited.

Kokeshi123 · 20/10/2019 11:26

Anyone else think a "doggy party" sounds like something involving a bunch of shifty-looking middle-aged men meeting in a disused car park?

I would go, to be kind and because it might be quite a laugh anyway. Nobody is obliged to go to a party they don't want to, though.