To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

[Thinblues]

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal?

Ok so maybe a party with a photographer is a bit OTT. So what?
DP and I have no kids, we absolutely adore our Ddog. He gets a Xmas eve box and stocking, present for his birthday and we organise our lives around him (the car we have and the holidays we cannot have etc).
He is as close as I’m ever going to get to having a child. I’m never going to take a child to their first day at nursery, I’m never going to leave a mince pie for Santa with them, I’m never going to buy them cute outfits or decorate the house for Halloween. No one will ever snuggle up to me and call me mummy and I won’t ever be able to shower a child with love, to build their confidence, to nurture them and to be responsible for their happiness.
So if I want to do that with my dog, it’s my choice and I certainly hope there is no one in my family or my circle of friends who judges me as meanly as you judge your SIL.

Good grief

Not sure what this means

Can you just imagine! That time in the party where the entertainer is blowing up balloons and bending them into shapes. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a balloon dachsund is sculptured from their hands. The whole dog-room turns to silence. Those little doggies' tails have stopped wagging as they stand, transfixed, their little heads turned upwards. Now for the first time, they truly understand the meaning of life, where they have come from, what they are here for and finally, their sole purpose in life.

@TheProdigalKittensReturn they do catnip bubbles

I think the comparison with a one year olds birthday party is fair. Neither dog nor baby have a clue what all the fuss is about and it’s mostly the parents just saying look at this creature who we love and cherish, come be happy with us. What the hell is wrong with that?

Dogs especially are well known to have particularly strong, therapeutic bonds formed with their owners and there is plenty of evidence and anecdotes from people arresting to how important their pet has been to them through dark times.

No one has to understand it but you should respect it. It’s not an unusual situation at all.

I think your DH is right. Your being mean and uncaring. Of course it’s not a healthy way to deal with things but it’s how she’s chosen to and besides belittling her choice to love her dog like her baby what are you doing to benefit her mental health? Have you encouraged counselling? Have you made active efforts to ensure she knows she has family who love her? Spent time with her outside of family events?

If you’ve done none of the above you’ve absolutely no right to be so harsh regarding her coping mechanism.

Being told your infertile is devastating, she’s doing what she can.

Don’t go to the party. It’s not fair on her.

Arresting = attesting

No more abnormal than spending a small fortune on a giant chocolate cake only to have a baby smear it all over themselves with the resulting photographs looking like a dirty protest.

Thankfully I have 2 children now older.However I had secondary infertility which was very distressing ,and it took 3 years to conceive our second child .Surely even though you think its over the top ,you can see where SIL is coming from? She has managed to channel her maternal instincts into a little dog ,and to have just a little taste of what it like to be a Mum .She is now a "pet parent"! Be happy for her and be thankful you are lucky enough to have a human family!

I really think you should just relax a bit - its not something I would do , but its not harming anyone else - just let them be - its really not doing any harm and if you love your dog the grief when they die is just as hard whether you celebrate their birthday or not . just don't be so judgy .

This thread has made me want to throw a little party for our lovely cats. I’m sure my friends would come as...they’re not arseholes. We all have children and I would say for the vast majority of us, our screensavers and WhatsApp profile pictures are of our pets!

Far better to take them all out for a Chinese.

Just be very careful in your choice of establishment

Is Bernard Manning type racist humour cool and edgy again SaucyTomato?

@Lovemusic33 Me too. I have a friend who has a party for her bulldog every year. I think it's sweet. She adores him (and he's a lovely dog, and I say this as a cat person). I don't do parties for my cat, but that's just me and cats can't be arsed with that sort of thing anyway.

I know it's been said already but I don't see the harm either, it's her money, her house, she isn't harming anybody.

I don't do Ddogs birthday or anything because I do have kids (and don't have money the extra cash!), but if I didn't I probably would. If you look after your dog properly, it's very similar to having a baby. You make sacrifices for them, put their needs first, revolve your life around them, spend your money on them, teach them how to behave, look after them when they're sick, feed, bathe and love them.

I think judgment should be reserved for people who abuse and neglect their animals.

Ha I just got an invite to a 'our dog is 1 party' as I'm reading this thread.😄

I think it sounds cool. We don't have a party but every year on my dogs birthday we buy him a special doggy treat or doggy birthday cake from pets at home and take a photo of him every year on his birthday. We don't invite anyone and it only takes up 5 minutes of our day and my DC love that we acknowledge his birthday.
I would go as the dog is like their daughter/son and I'd buy the dog a treat or something.

I would LOVE to go! I would bring my four little dogs as guests if I was invited In all seriousness OP I really don’t think that it’s necessary to be so judgemental. The poor woman can‘t have children and she has put all of her nurturing energy into this dog which for all you know, has eased the pain of her infertility. I think you could try and be a little more understanding. I treat my dogs like dogs (as it’s what’s best for them) but they also fill a “mothering” gap in my life and I would be really upset if my family treated me like it was weird or wrong. You really have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors with some people. If you don’t want to go to the party then don’t go but equally don’t make your SIL feel bad for doing what she can to find happiness.

Also FWIW my dogs get a birthday party—not as elaborate as your SIL but they love it and it’s lighthearted and fun. I don’t really see anything offensive in a celebration for such much loved pets that bring so much joy into life.

Thanks Cornettoninja!

I'd rather go to a doggie party than one for toddlers, less possibility that all the attendees are going to start crying and/or hurt themselves. If invited to a party for a toddler, however, I will go and smile and coo as appropriate because if I'm invited presumably it's because the parents consider me a friend, or a family member. It's really not that hard, but if for whatever reason you're just not up for that then don't go. There's no need to tell the people throwing the party all about the unkind assumption you've made about them.

I’m a cat person. I wouldn’t do this for cats because cats don’t like being the centre of attention. But dogs, unless of an anxious temperament love parties and people.

Also, I leave my cats at home alone but dogs hate that. It’s not being obsessed with your dog to want to bring them with you to events. That’s just how doglife is. They’re part of your pack and they come too.

OP, why don’t you go in a spirit of openness and support. It might be good for you and relief some of your worries about your SIL.

Don’t be mean! Pre kids I always made our dogs birthday cakes and they still have special meals and birthday walks 🤷🏻‍♀️

You sound like a miserable killjoy. You don’t get to decide how someone else copes with the awful pain of infertility, your “concern” just comes across as judgement. Yes giving it a party sounds a bit bonkers but also great fun and hilarious, but agree with pp that you shouldn’t go because it sounds like you’d just shit all over their parade. She probably only invited you out of politeness anyway, I’m sure she can sense your disapproval of the dog.

We got a dog when struggling to conceive and he has been an absolutely wonderful addition to our family. We did go on to have a baby and I still happily consider the dog to be my first born. Yep it’s mental but he has given us a lot more happiness and comfort than any of our extended family.

I would have said YAnBU except for the line “as they can’t have children”.

Let them have the doggy party - just let them have it with good grace and a bit of compassion

I would 100% attend a dachshunds birthday party 🥳

Oh come on. Let them enjoy things. You said it yourself, they can't have kids. They don't get to do the kids party thing. This is the closest they'll get.

Hopefully the party pooper (you) stays at home writing mean things on mumsnet so everyone else can have a nice time without looking at your judgy face.

I'd look for a tiny pair of those little rain booties that they've started making for dogs, because even if they never got used it would be funny handing them over and you never know, tis the season.