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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Oilyoilyoilgob · 20/10/2019 09:55

Too many pillows at 8.14 - one of the the most beautiful, eloquent posts I’ve read on here.

Got to say I’m loving us animal lovers coming out in droves. They really do make such a difference to our lives! Writing this with my two kitties in bed-one on my chest ominously staring at me and the other in between my legs-I’m their hot water bottle as well as resident feeder/pop cleaner 😁😏

DonningDaFlameProof · 20/10/2019 09:56

It sounds a bit bonkers on the face of it, but I highly doubt the dog is going to be a mega huge part of it - sounds like an excuse for a family party with a nod to the dog.
The photographer is a bit much, but having said that it was my Granddads birthday party the other week and if we'd have had a photographer I'm sure the photos would be loads better and photos of family are always nice to have.

At worse she's fawning over her dog as much as the majority of people fawn over their children. Talking about them 24/7, showing constant photos, insisting that all family things are catered to them etc etc. Yup, sounds like a parent.
And tbh, it's easier to get enjoyment out of someone's pets than it is from their children half the time. Less tantrums for a start.

Ismyturnnowsurely · 20/10/2019 09:56

OP do you have any idea how many times your SIL feels like an event is the last straw ....
pregnancy announcements
Baby showers
Children's parties
Buying gifts for your children
Social media bombardment of 'firsts'
How many times do you think she shows up, buys the gift, smiles politely when she is handed the baby. Then goes home and sobs in the shower.
You are heartless, cruel and unkind.
After our 3rd IVF failure, we bought a very expensive pedigree dog with the money that we should have used for round 4.
She categorically saved my life. My parents visited recently and bought her gifts. My mum has 3 grandchildren but the puppy is her phone screensaver and she has a framed picture of her alongside her other grandchildren.
So don't be a dick, buy a gift (would recommend personalised) have a fun evening/afternoon. Support your DBro & SIL, I guarantee the puppy hasn't 'replaced' a much wanted child. The pain will still be immense.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 20/10/2019 09:56

I don't like dogs or understand people treating animals like babies but the poor woman is obviously going through some turmoil. She might well be mortified in years to come but it's not up to you to burst her bubble op. Leave her alone.

Harvey3 · 20/10/2019 09:57

I don't understand what the harm is in going? She's obviously found something to fill that void in her life - why can't you just be supportive for her? You say (not in your original post I may add) that you are 'concerned for her' but I don't think that comes across at all. She also can get more than one dog you know, so the grieving process when the first one dies wouldn't be as hard. If you can't be nice, you and your DCs can stay at home, and think about how fortunate you are.

WhyDoesItAlways · 20/10/2019 09:57

I don't actually think the dog party is any more ridiculous than throwing a party for a 1/2 year old who also have no idea it's their birthday but then those parties aren't for the child, they're for the parents/friends/family. Maybe your sister just wants an excuse to throw a party and get the family together. I don't see any harm in that.

Just get a jumbone, wrap it up and stick a smile on your face. If you think that's too hard then imagine how she must feel whenever she is invited to a child's party!

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 20/10/2019 09:59

Also a bit OT but I'm now curious if they make a version of the bacon flavored bubbles thing that would be suitable for cats...

(Am not planning to throw a party, because the cats would just hide under the furniture and be annoyed by all the noise and people milling about.)

notso · 20/10/2019 10:00

Because the doggy party is clearly for the people involved, not really the dog.
The card was a birthday card from bump so clearly for the Mother.

GladAllOver · 20/10/2019 10:01

Well OP you may have name changed but if this couple or any of their friends are on MN they will know who you are and what you think of them.

I don't think they will want you there now.

MyFartWillGoOn · 20/10/2019 10:03

@Ismyturnnowsurely Hear, hear!! And Thanks

Couldn't agree with your post more. My DDog got me through a miscarriage, bfn after bfn and was there to cry to after friends baby showers. Couldn't have coped without him. And my friends adore the photos I send of him (or at least have the good manners to pretend to Grin)

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 20/10/2019 10:04

Ach, just don’t go. But for heaven’s sake keep your judgements to yourself.

NoSauce · 20/10/2019 10:04

OP were you pissed last night when you started this thread? It will more than likely get back to SIL now as someone on the thread seems to know you. Madness, all for what? So you can have a bit of a bitch fest.

DriftingLeaves · 20/10/2019 10:04

It's not any weirder than a party for a 1 year old really and plenty of people throw those.

Good grief.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 20/10/2019 10:05

The fact that nobody has made an "and your little dog too!" joke yet proves that animal lovers are on average a rather kind group of people.

lynsey91 · 20/10/2019 10:05

Lots of photographers offer photo shoots for dogs so I assume they are popular. Having the photographer come to your house makes it so much easier.

NoSauce · 20/10/2019 10:08

On the dog FB page I mentioned earlier, people have their dogs at their wedding with fancy leads and collars to match the wedding theme. Walking down the aisle and sitting on their knee to sign the register.

Nothing to do with anyone.

Bellringer · 20/10/2019 10:10

Just make an excuse, prior arrangement, or be ill on the day. Leave her to it if you can't be sympathetic. Why is it ok for people to go on about their kids endlessly? Perhaps if that didn't happen she could move on. How do you suggest someone gets over or comes to terms with a trauma like this?

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 20/10/2019 10:10

Haven't read the whole thread, am late to the party so it seems (sorry).
Surely it's harmless fun OP? It's a bit different yes, but it's not hurting anyone and might even be fun? If you don't want to go then don't.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 20/10/2019 10:11

Out of interest do you share photos of your children on the family group? as someone already pointed a child is part of the extended family, ie related to the sil- the dog isn’t

Doesn't make the photos of someone else child any more riveting.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 20/10/2019 10:12

Also, I think you are assuming a lot. Maybe she just really loves her dog?

Downunderduchess · 20/10/2019 10:13

Don't go, stay home & be miserable. She (they) love their dog, it's not hurting anyone. I wish more pet owners treated their animals that well. If you have a pet it should be considered part of the family, sounds exactly like they do.

Lovemusic33 · 20/10/2019 10:14

I would rather go to a doggy party than a kids party.

I don’t see the harm in it, you might think it’s crazy but it’s probably her way of dealing with not being able to do all those things with a child.

Bahhhhhumbug · 20/10/2019 10:14

My Beagle has a boyfriend, another Beagle and they have playdates. I drive to his mum's owner's house and her dog leaps into my car as soon as l open the door leaps over me yelping onto the back seat where my (also yelping to be released) dog is fastened in her harness.
It's beyond sweet, as if they can't wait another second to be together. They then do three celebratory laps of my friend's garden.
Oh and we both have grown up DC and DGC maybe we have empty nest syndrome according to OP.
We have both passed on our love of animals to our DC /DGC and can't imagine any of them ever mistreating or neglecting one. Yes my adult DC do roll their eyes at my OTT devotion to my dog and call her 'my favourite child'.
But seriously please don't project your diapprovali and judginess onto your dc. Instead a much loved family dog is a marvellous 'tool' to teach your dc to be kind to all living beings and that love comes in many many forms.
Plus younger DC really enjoy a doggy party and throw themselves into it.... and that would make your sil's day.

Becles · 20/10/2019 10:16

Each year we got the dog a steak and associated favourite things on her birthday, so she had a day of being properly spoiled. She also got an extra special meal on Christmas day and a pressie too.

She died 15 years ago but her picture is still on my fridge.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 20/10/2019 10:16

Just get a jumbone, wrap it up and stick a smile on your face. If you think that's too hard then imagine how she must feel whenever she is invited to a child's party!
This.

Imagine what she’ll do when the dog dies.
Grieve, like every other pet owner who loves their pet very much.