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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
NoSauce · 20/10/2019 08:33

You come across as pretty sneery OP and not like you really care about her well being.

Let’s hope she doesn’t find out about this thread or you will be in the shit.

PookieDo · 20/10/2019 08:33

It’s pretty well known now that animals are brilliant emotional support animals

My MH (depression) usually kicks in this time of year, but now I have dog I am up early on a Sunday raring to go for a walk.

hazeyjane · 20/10/2019 08:34

You sound like a bit of an arsehat.

I thought the thread title was To think that a “dogging party” really is the final straw - that I'd agree with.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/10/2019 08:36

I think it's very odd but buy some bacon flavoured bubble mix and enjoy seeing your family.

Perunatop · 20/10/2019 08:38

The dog is her substitute child. Let her be happy with it, instead of mourning the children she can never have. There is room in the world for foibles and eccentricities, and this one is harmless.

Billie87 · 20/10/2019 08:38

Has she been to your children’s birthday parties?

lisag1969 · 20/10/2019 08:39

I agree with your husband, you are being mean. The poor people can't have children. This is her outlet. She could be doing worse things. I have dogs and they come everywhere with us, we never leave them and love them like anyone else.
I understand you think the party is extreme, I have never done it. But I'm a member of a dog website and lots of people, do have parties for their dogs.
Admittedly usually with people they have met with other dogs and all the dogs come around and have a great time.
She's not harming the dog which is Far worse. She has just got the wrong end of the stick , what a dog party actually is. This is her way of coping with not being a mum.
I know it may seem a little odd to us, but go along support her and let her deal with not having children in her own way.
I think that's what this boils down to her need to nurture is go great that the lines have become a bit blurred.

LucheroTena · 20/10/2019 08:42

I’d love to go to a doggy do.

I have children but love my animals too and take lots of pics and talk about them. You sound a bit condescending. It’s great that this dog has brought such happiness at a time when they were struggling. Be happy for them.

SoupDragon · 20/10/2019 08:44

Bloody hell, you certainly missed out on the empathy gene, OP!

Ellapaella · 20/10/2019 08:45

We had a little party for our dogs 2nd birthday this summer - the DC loved getting the doggy cake, pawsecco and dog treats for her and making a big fuss. No harm in it if you ask me and I certainly don't think I'm barking mad! Obviously Ddog had no idea what was going on but she was very excited about it because the kids were making a huge fuss of her.
Agree that your comments about infertility show a lack of empathy or understanding.
Dogs as pets can be a wonderful source of comfort to people for all sorts of reasons and it sounds as though this lucky dog has a lovely home and a wonderful life with owners who love it very much.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/10/2019 08:48

I wouldn't have a birthday party for my dogs, but see no harm in it.

Who is it hurting? What damage is it doing to you?

You come across as very mean and miserable and begrudging.

I think most of us would probably have a affectionate little eye-roll and then indulge her - the dog is her baby, whether you like it or not. And TBH- I can't see how this is an "unhealthy" way of coming to terms with their infertility.

Stealing someone else's baby is unhealthy. Believing you are pregnant and insisting that you are going to give birth is unhealthy. Developing a deep resentment of people who have no trouble conceiving, and constantly reporting them to social services for perceived bad parenting is unhealthy

Over-indulging a dog is just . . . over-indulging a dog.

MabelMoo23 · 20/10/2019 08:48

Coming to terms with her infertility???

Well aren't you a delightful individual?

diddl · 20/10/2019 08:50

Sounds a bit ott to me-esp the photographer.

That said, if there were to be other dogs there I'd go as I love dogs.

Cornettoninja · 20/10/2019 08:51

Keep you trap shut and just go along with it if you actually have an atom of love for them. These people love their dog and want a party what on Earth is wrong with that?Who’s got the authority and qualification to say what is healthy and what isn’t? If this makes them happy then that’s great.

Incidentally I was in pets at home the other day for the first time in a few years and looking at the stuff they stock for dogs it’s pretty easy to see how people get caught up with the fur baby mentality. There were aisles of stuff that’s indistinguishable from baby toys/clothes. It’s worthy of a second glance but truthfully it’s hurting no one and makes people (and usually some over pampered pet) very happy. There’s precious few opportunities for that in life so where ever people find it is fine by me.

WineGummyBear · 20/10/2019 08:52

You are being very unkind and completely lacking in empathy.

Sure it's unusual but where's the harm? How about live and let live? Or even showing some kindness?

Out of interest do you share photos of your children on the family group?

listsandbudgets · 20/10/2019 08:53

Dont be mean. Put a bow on a box of Markies a smile on your face and get yourself to the party. Who knows you might even enjoy it.

Amanduh · 20/10/2019 08:54

Yes it’s not normal. A dog is not a human. It is entirely different to a childs party ffs. Someone I know has a facebook page for their dog and refers to them in their daily updates, I’ve had to mute them (they have children as well.) You can have empathy for the woman’s situation and still admit it’s bloody bonkers. It’s a dog!
Still, I don’t think telling her will help anything, she’s clearly struggling, just politely decline.

startalovetrain · 20/10/2019 08:55

I had a birthday party for my dog and invited the other family dogs, I fed them mashed potato cupcakes and they LOVED it. And they all got a little bone to take home.

It was amazing - let people enjoy things!

Steenac7 · 20/10/2019 08:56

For al those saying it’s not the right way to come to terms with infertility - waiting for your step by step guide of the correct way to come to terms with infertility? Very interested to hear from those who have never experienced it how to come to terms with it?

OP you sound nasty and lacking in empathy. Context is everything here. I think the dog party seems ridiculous but the CONTEXT is that your SIL has had And is having a incredibly difficult time and this is something that brings her joy.

My DB is terrified of dogs after a bad experience when he was younger. However when my sister lost her DD and got a dog that has helped her cope he honestly tries his hardest to pet the dog (even though I can see he’s scared) and has his children buy the dog treats for his birthday and make a fuss because he knows how important it is for our DS.

You sound horrible in all honesty.

AliasGrape · 20/10/2019 08:56

My dog came into my life when I was struggling to cope with an awful breakup. He honestly was the first thing that made me smile and brought me happiness after a horrible time. Since then he’s helped me through bereavement and at certain points been the only reason to get up and get dressed in the mornings. Now I’ve found my amazing DP who loves the dog a side much as I do, and we are also struggling with infertility. As a result we probably do lavish more love and attention on the dog. He brings so much love and joy and helps us to feel like a complete family on our own.

Maybe there were ‘healthier’ ways of dealing with the above issues but I never found them, and I’d still take my dog over them anyway.

Luckily my friends and family are able to see how important the dog is to me/us and to be happy for it. They tend to include him in invitations where appropriate, ask about him and even buy him Christmas presents. Most love the dog and really enjoyed his tenth birthday party a few years back (no photographer or bubble machine I’m afraid, more just an excuse to get together and for me to cook for everyone which I love, we definitely put candles in a steak and sang happy birthday to him though, which delighted my nieces and nephews). Maybe some roll their eyes and secretly think I’m ridiculous, they manage to be kind about it though.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/10/2019 08:57

Out of interest do you share photos of your children on the family group? as someone already pointed a child is part of the extended family, ie related to the sil- the dog isn’t

Littlemeadow123 · 20/10/2019 08:58

@Thinblues @PyongyangKipperbang

It is not your place to decide what is or isn't a good way of coping for someone. Especially since you clearly dont know much about pets or understand how much happiness, joy and support that they can bring. Just because you dont understand it doesn't mean it isn't healthy or that the person needs counselling. (To be honest, a lot of counsellors highly value the positive impact that pets can have on someone who is having a rough time, and I know of plenty of times when a counsellor has suggested getting one to someone who is struggling as a way of helping them to cope with something better).

Zaphodsotherhead · 20/10/2019 08:58

Wait until your children are grown up and left home.

Then add a 'D'H who may have absconded, spends all his time in the gym/at work/on his allotment/in his shed, or just has little to no interest in you.

Get a dog.

Then get back to us.

Zoidbergonthehalfshell · 20/10/2019 08:59

I honestly don't see the harm in it. If it's making her happy, what's the problem?

MrsHardbroom · 20/10/2019 09:00

I suspect she's probably secretly hoping that you'll be 'busy'.....

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