To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

[Thinblues]

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal?

@AProblemHasOccured it's just a coping mechanism isn't it? If having a pet helps fill an empty home and an empty heart, then crack on, I say.

How can it be unhealthy to find an outlet to channel love?
Being unable to have children is a pain which is so hard to describe or define because the world is geared up to accommodate everyone else. And of course the practicality of the world isn't a comment on childless people. But it feels like it is.
So while, as an inferitle person, you have to come to terms with your personal journey and the different kind of life that you never though you'd have, you also have to DAILY cope with everyone else seemingly having that life. And it can be all consuming.
For me, when my little sister had children, it brought it all back. I couldn't even offer her practical advice. And then she went on a journey I wished I could be on.
So when I bought my dog, it gave me the chance to buy a bloody advent calendar, and shop for a collar that suited him and pick a name. All of those tiny moments of joy that I always assumed I would have and which had been denied, were able to be somehow embedded in a way by focusing on the little life that was now dependent on me. Even if it wasn't the way I planned or hoped it would be
And yes, every year we mark his birthday and tell him we love him. He means the world to us.

I am lucky. I eventually adopted two children and I got that life. But I will never NEVER forget the pain of the 13 years I coped with infertility. And the fact that I was unable to produce a child biologically is still ever present. It's not just about the lifestyle of being a parent, or the practical part of it. There is a biologist failing that I am always aware of that - and thought my dog and my children can't fix that, their existence gives me a different way foreard. (though I wouldn't change my life for anything)

Before I was able to adopt, my dog (even though he didn't know it) supported me through missed periods and diagnoses and treatments. Failed treatments, just by being another "being" to cry to.
Even on a practical level some days - I had to get up out of bed because I had a dog to feed and walk. So I probably sent photos of my dog to my friends. Because what else was I going to do? How else could I join in their ever-expanding world?

@QOD I loved your post. ❤️

Thank you @Ginger1982

Such a heartbreaking thread. But one that makes me think there are many, many kind people in this world. Be one of them OP.

I can't believe that we got to page TEN without a gratuitous picture.

SIL is being U only by buying a dog instead of a cat. Cats rule and dogs drool. (Joke, obvs).

I am not infertile, so I can't feel that pain, but I am catless and when I get my very first cat you can BET that I am going to bombard everyone with pictures and funny stories and boast that my cat is the cutest and cleverest EVER and is in the top class and considered gifted and hunted down by modeling agencies and has been invited to apply to RADA and the University of Oxford - and OMG the PARTIES!!! I will have kitty parties where my PFC will be a darling angel and the centre of attention and perfectly behaved and charm everybody. He (I want a boy) will have presents and a cake and everybody will worship him. Says me.

Fortunately my friends are (i) emotionally intelligent (ii) have senses of humour and (iii) indulge me so there is no problem there.

I'd love to be invited to a kitty birthday party! The 'All Creatures Great and Small' episode of The Vicar of Dibley was my absolute favourite. I loved it. Perhhaps the OP could learn some lessons from it?

Meanwhile, if the dog board here is as nice as The Litter Tray perhaps the OP could direct SIL to it?

Last doggy party I went to was absolute mayhem.

Pass the Parcel ended up with two dogs taking the present between their teeth and ripping all the layers off in one go, musical chairs was just an excuse for a big bulldog to cock his leg over the furniture and most of the guests dry-humped my MILs leg. It does not work on any level.

Far better to take them all out for a Chinese.

Pass the Parcel ended up with two dogs taking the present between their teeth and ripping all the layers off in one go, musical chairs was just an excuse for a big bulldog to cock his leg over the furniture and most of the guests dry-humped my MILs leg. It does not work on any level

So apart from humping the MIL (who presumably isn't the evil variety so often the subject of MN posts) all went pretty much the same as the average toddler to early school years party?

We don't know when our cat's birthday is as she was a stray but we picked the date we moved into our house as that's the day we met her. We wrap some dreamies up and as she stands and blinks at us, we unwrap them. She eats them then sashays away. It's a moment when I acknowledge and silently thank her for teaching me I needed to get my own needs met. Leave your sister in law be

Have only read the first post.
You’ve really pissed me off OP. Of course it’s OTT to throw a party for a dog but if you can’t have children who fucking cares?

That little dog is her baby. She loves him. Let her get on with it. Don’t go if you don’t want to. You’d probably not be missed.

AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal?

You would not be unreasonable to not go to the party.
You would be unreasonable to point out the behaviour is not normal.

Live and let live.

Be kind and show some compassion. They can’t have children & show their dog all their love. It’s doing absolutely no harm to anyone.

Pass the Parcel ended up with two dogs taking the present between their teeth and ripping all the layers off in one go, musical chairs was just an excuse for a big bulldog to cock his leg over the furniture and most of the guests dry-humped my MILs leg. It does not work on any level.
Sounds fun . This thread has got me thinking, my lab would love a party like this.

I think you are being very judgemental and mean.

If you are a physiatrist maybe you could have a quiet word. If not then you really aren’t qualified to assess her mental state.

Either go to the party or don’t, but stop being so superior.

When I was a child my aunt and uncle had a dog who was their world. No one bitched about them, And I remember my parents always asking about the dog. We even brought it a gift home from holidays.

Why can’t you just be kind.

FWIW yes I do think the parties going to be slightly cringe.

HOWEVER

She is literally doing no harm. Just go. Be happy for her. And get involved, if you stand in the corner with a frown on your face you'll ruin it. Put the doggy hat on, take some pawsecco, take a doggy pie (you can get them from pet shops), give the dog a stroke.

Use it as a excuse to catch up with your family and friends.

Seriously though, my daxi wants an invite...

And can we get a photo of said dachshund? Asking for a friend 😏

Horrid thread with zero understanding or empathy

We take our dog to every family party - people are (MIL) are happier to see the dog than us

Dog parties are way more fun than kids parties 🤷‍♀️ - no crying, no whinging, no awful wheels on the bus music, no little fucker opening its presents and complaining it's not what they wanted.

I've been to two dog parties and multiple parties for my own children and nieces and I would RUN towards a dog party.

You shouldn't go - cos your parsimonious face will RUIN the fun

Don't go. You will ruin it.
Stop being so judgie. You don't need to understand to empathise.
I have a single friend who has cats. Will never have kids and has no family. Its what she talks about. You'd have a heart of stone to bitch about it.

I’m with you op but I know how many people here love their fur babies. 🤢

Also - I buy presents for my mums dogs at christmas. Its nice, and im not unhinged.

Let them do what they want and stop judging . I bet your DC would love to go.

I'd go, and be happy for her that she's happy. You shouldn't though, OP, because your sitting there with your judgypants on will ruin everyone else's fun.

I'm really not a dog person and dislike humanisation of pets. However I would be supportive of your brother and sister in law.
Infertility is heartbreaking and for them to find happiness through loving their dog is great.

Hoping they don't spoil dog to the point it becomes very possessive (like my mums Jack Russel, little devil dog)
Dashunds are generally very well tempered compared to Jack's.

Op please try to be a nicer person about this and imagine yourself in their shoes

The thing about dogs and other pets, is that they can be anything you want them to be within reason. I needed something to make me get up in the morning and walk more, as I have very little self discipline, my dog is a sort of personal trainer/life coach. I am not a party person so he doesn't get birthday parties or even birthday presents, but I do appreciate his loyalty and love, and buy him stuff I think he will like when I see it. He is an emotional support as well, he is company when I am lonely, he makes me laugh with his silly behaviour. If you are not a dog lover, I suppose it is difficult to see the appeal, but please don't be horrible about it, to your Sil, she obviously gets a great deal out of having a dog, and who is it harming?

If you don't want to go, don't.
If the messages aren't relevant to you, then ignore.

But I wouldn't say her behaviour isn't normal, that's not fair.

After all, what is normal?!? It's simply what we define as our preferences and we're all different.

I worry for her. Surely this can’t be a healthy way of coming to terms with infertility.

So what do you plan to do to help her with that? Because it sounds as if you are only interested in being cruel to her. I mean, if you’re actually worried, you have help and support lined up for after you tear her down, don’t you?