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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
DriftingLeaves · 20/10/2019 07:39

I understand totally, OP. Don't buy into this lunacy. It will only get worse.

BillywilliamV · 20/10/2019 07:41

I would be cringing inside, but I would go. ESP as my DDs would probably love it.

Tellmetruth4 · 20/10/2019 07:41

Is your DB not also throwing the party? So why is all your vitriol aimed at SL? It’s clear you don’t like her which is why you’re desperate to make her feel terrible by telling her she’s crazy. I can’t ever imagine doing that to someone, it’s so nasty.

If you don’t want to go, make your excuses and don’t go, no need for the spitefulness and in any case although I’d internally think it was a bit out there, I’m sure I’d enjoy it far more than a toddlers party.

BillywilliamV · 20/10/2019 07:41

Especially..

SprinkleDash · 20/10/2019 07:42

The party combined with the constant presence of her dog at EVERY family event, talking about the dog 24/7 plus the texts with photos and videos of him

This is no different to the bullshit parents inflict on every other human about their boring children! Give me a dog over a child any day in this scenario! Especially a doxie!

CinnamonMentos · 20/10/2019 07:42

Has this thread made anyone else want to throw a party for their dog

Yep! With bacon bubbles! Sounds like so much fun.

Op, I don’t think you should go to the party but only because I think you’ll ruin it for them. How your sil treats her dog is non of your business. Mute/block her If you don’t want to see her posts. If you’re thinking of going just so you can put a damper on the day, then just stay at home. You seem like a party pooper!

I have 3 dogs and 3 cats and I love them. I also have 3dc. I still posts loads of pics of my puppy on fb and on my group chats. Most dog owners do.

Tbh, you sound like you don’t like sil very much and seem a little jealous.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 20/10/2019 07:44

Go, eat some party food and try not to be so miserable - or don't go - make up an excuse.

But you have no right to tell your brother and SIL that what they are doing is not normal. What makes you think that you are the person to decide that?

Personally, I think it would probably be best if you stayed at home and had a good hard think about why you want the people in your family feel bad about themselves.

Tellmetruth4 · 20/10/2019 07:44

Also if you call her weird or crazy at her party, expect others in attendance to tear strips off you in return.

CinnamonMentos · 20/10/2019 07:46

Useyourears

Sorry for your loss Flowers

QOD · 20/10/2019 07:47

@toomanypillows your post is amazing.
I was on the 🍷 when I made my comment about my surrogate dd last night so expressed it badly
I’m péri menopausal and dd is getting more and more independent (obviously) and our ddog brings me soooo much joy. It IS the next best thing to a child and she makes our home full of life
If I had known the difference a dog made, I’d have had one 30 odd years ago when we started trying for a baby.
Those 8 yrs pre my friend offering to help were spent watching what seemed like everyone else having families.
My house was quiet, sad and often lonely.
Ddog ‘calls me’ (ok knows me as) grandma and makes every home coming (or return from the loo 🤪) joyful

And yes she had a party with 3 friends and dog cakes, pawsecco and party bags .. was great fun

Tigerty · 20/10/2019 07:52

YANBU.

Love your animals, get them treats as you see fit but throwing a party for them and inviting the whole family is intense and odd behaviour.

Send DH if he wants to go and provide an excuse. You shouldn’t have to provide an excuse other than a “no thank you” but sounds like they would become odd an intense with you.

They obviously don’t feel this is out if the ordinary. Fine. However they cannot insist everyone participates.

Tellmetruth4 · 20/10/2019 07:52

Don’t know why this thread has pissed me off so much but I can’t stand spiteful people. Imagine seeing someone happy and trying to ruin it for them? What a mean spirit.

I imagine it’s more than about the dog love as the anger would also be aimed at the brother so there must be some jealousy at play here. The DB and SIL must have spare cash to bother with a dog party. Maybe no births or screaming kids keeps her looking youthful? Who knows the real motivation to try and make her feel miserable.

LolaSmiles · 20/10/2019 07:55

One of our friends had a dog birthday party. It was a fun excuse for everyone to meet up and have a social occasion and the dogs had some stimulation etc. We thought it was a lovely idea, but maybe we should have decided they're abnormal.

To be honest OP,you sound really unpleasant towards them.

Of course having a dog will affect where they can go and how long for. We wouldn't leave our dog for 6 hours to go somewhere because it's not fair on the dog. Equally, of course people will talk about their dog and share photos etc.

I don't know a single responsible pet owner who doesn't take photos,talk about their pet, consider their pet when deciding where to go / How long to leave them for.

The fact you view them as shoving it down you throat but seem to have no issue with parents discussing children is quite mean. After all, are some dog photos and dog chat really worse than parents giving the blow by blow account of their baby's nap times, bowel movements and poo consistency?

cansu · 20/10/2019 07:58

yes it is bonkers. I am guessing though that everyone is very much aware that it means that your sil is struggling with her situation and this is her way of coping. I think going would be kinder than not.

PookieDo · 20/10/2019 07:59

I also found this thread spiteful. People who care about animals being branded as deranged in some way Hmm

I have 2 children and a dog
I treat the dog as a 3yo child IMO... he is never going to grow up be independent and leave home, he depends on me for a lot of things. He needs guidance and training to behave. My DC are teens and out of the cuddly spending time with mum phase of life now, but the dog gives you affection and company (I’m also single) so it’s a 2 way relationship not 1 sided. So if I spoil him... so what?
I can’t imagine how infertile couples feel and if a dog brings them happiness I think this is a wonderful thing

Where and when is the party I fancy going Grin

BlueJava · 20/10/2019 07:59

From what you say it doesn't sound completely normal, however I don't see why it gets to you so much. Sounds an excuse for a party as much as anything and why not? As for constant videos/pics just occassionally reply to them. I certainly wouldn't be stirring up trouble within the family due to this - it's pretty harmless after all. And if she can afford the photographer then so what - why not let her have her fun?

hiredandsqueak · 20/10/2019 08:00

I couldn't get worked up about it tbh but then on our dog's birthday she gets presents, a warm chicken leg and I make a cake with candles on so that we can all sing to her (what's worse is I have dc)

londonrach · 20/10/2019 08:00

Yabu and abit mean. Your dsil cant have children. Do you have idea how that effects your life. Your dsil has throw the love she has for a child onto a dog. Totally normal. My mum went to a dog funeral on e of a colleague who couldnt have children. Its about Acknowledging that this dog is important to your dsil. You going for your ddil not the dog. Go and be the grown up here. It be lovely to see the family snyone, use it as an excuse.

EnglishRose13 · 20/10/2019 08:00

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but my dachshund disagrees...

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw
FrancisCrawford · 20/10/2019 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeerandBiscuits · 20/10/2019 08:02

You sound miserable, why on earth would you inform her that her behaviour isn't normal? Party sounds fun and dog's birthday is a good excuse for a get together.
Don't go as you'll put a damper on things.

Ginger1982 · 20/10/2019 08:02

What @toomanypillows said with bells on!!

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 20/10/2019 08:02

The dog is just an excuse. . It's party, go, have fun, if you can, because you seem very judgemental.

I presume you have children and they have been to family events to do with the children, do you think it they have enjoyed those?

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 20/10/2019 08:03

I have been to doggy birthday parties though, and the've always been more fun than children ones.

SpamChaudFroid · 20/10/2019 08:11

I mean we all like to put our pets in bonnets and make them do an Easter Parade, but a party? That's quite mad!

Anyway, animal parties in this house are banned now, it was the dog who ruined it. His poodle mate had a sneaky wee upstairs and I obviously didn't clear it up adequately; after his friends had left, the canine pissed lavishly down the stairs, beginning at the top and ending at the bottom. I have a back injury atm, so you can imagine how long it took to clear up

So yes, dogs ABU if they expect parties. A compromise would be a picnic I suppose.