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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at what she said about my child? **Title edited by MNHQ**

132 replies

Milkfreemoomum · 19/10/2019 22:10

Well i know i'm not being unreasonable. But i'm just so angry. My oldest friend who i've known since i was little made a comment about my DS teeth in front of me, her mum and her DP. Her mum was saying how cute my DS was and how piercing his eyes are. My friend then pipes up and then well he has got teeth like a vampire though hasn't he, in front of him. He's only 3! What person makes nasty comments about a 3 year old!? Her mum and me both told her not to be nasty and she just laughed it off and said well i'm just saying he has pointy teeth.
I know she clearly is no friend of mine if she's going to say stuff like this about my son. I feel she was jealous of her mum saying nice things to my son as before her mum turned up she was saying how her mum doesn't bothered with her children. Still no excuse. I left soon after this comment. Please tell me this isn't normal behaviour?

OP posts:
Veterinari · 19/10/2019 22:12

It’s a throwaway comment - your son is too young to care.
Chill

Original poster
Milkfreemoomum · 19/10/2019 22:13

Sorry title should say what she said about my child. I've asked for it to be changed

OP posts:
Rainwilds · 19/10/2019 22:13

We’ve always talked about my kids vampire teeth...and their cousins. We call them early flangers. It’s not a nasty comment, it’s just an observation based on the shape of the fang teeth. Chill out.

TheMustressMhor · 19/10/2019 22:15

Was your DS upset?

Or are you upset on his behalf?

Because I doubt if a three year-old would understand a comment like that.

I can see why you'd be annoyed by it.

Witchend · 19/10/2019 22:15

If he understood he'd probably be delighted to think he was a vampire.

Original poster
Milkfreemoomum · 19/10/2019 22:15

Well it's like me saying look at your four eyed kid or something about their personal appearance. Imagine if he was older and understood, could damage his confidence. And no I haven't made any comments like this about friends children.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/10/2019 22:16

Ohh my child has vampire fangs too- I love them!
I don’t think the comment itself was rude but rather the delivery as if she wanted to counter the nice comments of her mum.
Ultimately your kid doesn’t know, her mum corrected her and she looks like the fool!

Evilspiritgin · 19/10/2019 22:17

Wouldn’t bother me, it’s a harmless comment

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 19/10/2019 22:17

I think your reaction is a bit extreme tbh. I would have made a joke of it.

If she has problems with her mum and there was a bit of jealousy there then you two over reacting together probably won't have helped the situation either and made her feel more shitty tbh.

Original poster
Milkfreemoomum · 19/10/2019 22:18

I love his fang teeth too and he loves vampires himself! But yes it's the delivery of the comment. It wasn't a throw away comment in passing conversation. She didn't like the fact her mum was being nice about my son when she had just been saying her mum doesn't bother with her children.

OP posts:
VerbenaGirl · 19/10/2019 22:19

I think you are really really overreacting.

Veterinari · 19/10/2019 22:19

Well it's like me saying look at your four eyed kid or something about their personal appearance
Except it’s not because it wasn’t intended to offend/upset
Imagine if he was older and understood, could damage his confidence.
Except he isn’t he didn’t and it won’t.

So no intent to upset and no harm done. Honestly if you have to imagine an entirely different set of circumstances to justify being offended, you should probably be rethinking whether being offended is actually a reasonable response.

Haworthia · 19/10/2019 22:19

I understand why you’re pissed off. It’s not so much what she said, but the fact she decided to follow up her mum’s compliment with an insult. She sounds like a bit of a frenemy on the quiet.

Boots20 · 19/10/2019 22:21

I'm sorry but that would bug me too especially if someone was giving him lovely compliments regardless if the child was aware or not

partysong · 19/10/2019 22:22

Really would most 3 years not understand? Mine isn't 3 yet and he would absolutely notice and question what had been said about him (I could convince him it was compliment but really shouldn't have to- not sure why she felt the need to point it out to be honest)

TheMustressMhor · 19/10/2019 22:22

So in fact he did not understand?

You're just annoyed with her for some reason, OP.

Soontobe60 · 19/10/2019 22:22

You're being dramatic! You need to get over yourself and apologise to her for being so touchy.

Drabarni · 19/10/2019 22:23

You can see why your friend may have said this, why are you making such a big deal of it. You have been friends since childhood and she says she has an issue with her mum and her kids. I'm not surprised she was put out tbh.
This isn't your fault or problem, rise above it and give your friend some slack.
Oh, and don't be so touchy and sensitive.

Original poster
Milkfreemoomum · 19/10/2019 22:25

There are also previous incidents of things said by her. Not to my DS but she can be bitchy. And tbh I think this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Not a massive deal but a series of things built up.

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 19/10/2019 22:29

My son was on a medication from birth which caused hirsutism. He had a hairy forehead, eyebrows, sideburn and a lot of hair. Multiple people told me he looked like a werewolf, including strangers.

It really hurt me at the time - the last time it happened I burst into tears (I think it was the stress of him being ill, months in hospital etc).

So I do understand why you’re upset, but I also think you’re overreacting. Now looking back I see that those people just put their foot in it, and they weren’t inaccurate.

donquixotedelamancha · 19/10/2019 22:30

She didn't like the fact her mum was being nice about my son

Wow, she actually said that?

Drabarni · 19/10/2019 22:31

OP, speak to her it sounds like she's having a hard time. Then if it doesn't work out, at least you tried.

recrudescence · 19/10/2019 22:32

It sounds as though your mind is made up and you don’t really want or need the input of anyone here. Fair enough.

BeesKnees4 · 19/10/2019 22:32

You accept he has fang teeth but your outraged your friend commented? Get a grip and stop being ridiculous, a lot worse will be said as he grows up.

leafyskyline · 19/10/2019 22:32

If it was said on its own during a conversation between you both where her affection for him and you was clear then maybe I'd let it slide.

That wasn't how she said it though. She was being deliberately spiteful in reaction to her DM being complimentary about your DS. While he might not have understood, it was rude and cruel and I wouldn't class her as a friend.

It's all about intent and hers was not good.