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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at what she said about my child? **Title edited by MNHQ**

132 replies

Milkfreemoomum · 19/10/2019 22:10

Well i know i'm not being unreasonable. But i'm just so angry. My oldest friend who i've known since i was little made a comment about my DS teeth in front of me, her mum and her DP. Her mum was saying how cute my DS was and how piercing his eyes are. My friend then pipes up and then well he has got teeth like a vampire though hasn't he, in front of him. He's only 3! What person makes nasty comments about a 3 year old!? Her mum and me both told her not to be nasty and she just laughed it off and said well i'm just saying he has pointy teeth.
I know she clearly is no friend of mine if she's going to say stuff like this about my son. I feel she was jealous of her mum saying nice things to my son as before her mum turned up she was saying how her mum doesn't bothered with her children. Still no excuse. I left soon after this comment. Please tell me this isn't normal behaviour?

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 19/10/2019 23:01

Why would your * the word "fucking" but not "shit"?

Anyways, OP, it's not a big deal. If you know she was being a cow then she's being a cow. If she had made shitty comments before just stop being friends with her.

Biancadelrioisback · 19/10/2019 23:03

Sorry, that should say "why would you * * * the word" and was aimed at a PP.

Elmo311 · 19/10/2019 23:04

I'm with you OP. I'd be upset too.

Original poster
Milkfreemoomum · 19/10/2019 23:05

So if it was just me and her having a chat and she said it then I wouldn't have been that annoyed. It's the fact she tried to make a point of it in front of people. Her tone wasn't nice and it was only when we said don't be nasty her toned changed to "ah I'm only joking"
Also how is saying he has vampire teeth any different to pointing out other physical stuff? Your child's fat, four eyed, big buck teeth, big nose. As another poster said throw away comments aren't nice! People think ah it's only small doesn't mean nothing but to that person who received that comment it could really hurt! It could be their insecurity. I know he's only 3 but I'm not going to have people pick at his physical appearance.

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 19/10/2019 23:06

You aren't over reacting at all. She wasn't saying it in a cute way by the sounds of it

If there's back story with her and her mum it may be more to do with that though than your son. Doesn't make it ok

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2019 23:06

This really wouldn't have bothered me and I don't think it would've bothered any of my 3 kids either.

But you've made up your mind your friend is somehow jealous of you/your child, so that's that really.

SillyMoomin · 19/10/2019 23:06

I think you’re overreacting op

Chill out

Cybergenesis · 19/10/2019 23:08

Get over yourself. It's not that big a deal. Move on. Maybe get a hobby so you don't think piddly little stuff like this is worth bursting a blood vessel over.

Original poster
Milkfreemoomum · 19/10/2019 23:10

I'm not going to go into all the history of things she's said or done. But I've come to realise she doesn't have my back and actually never has. I've also come to realise that she would stab me in the back given a chance. She the way she has been recently has made this comment even worse and I'm annoyed at myself for being friends with her for as long as I have.

OP posts:
Mollpop · 19/10/2019 23:11

I think you're being precious.

In all seriousness, what are his teeth like? Doess he need to see a dentist?

EstrellaGalicia · 19/10/2019 23:13

My youngest has fang teeth. We think they are cute tho she does keep accidently bite her tongue when she's eating 😂
It wouldn't bother me if anyone commented on them. It's not exactly anything bad

VisionQuest · 19/10/2019 23:17

People shouldn't point out physical anomalies (sorry I couldn't think of another word) about other people's kids, end of! It's rude, hurtful and unnecessary.

I mean where do you draw the line? Vampire teeth is ok yet 4 eyes is being vindictive?

What if her child was overweight and you said something like, oh isn't your child rotund. Would that be ok? Probably not!

Nofunkingworriesmate · 19/10/2019 23:18

I love my fang teeth! Think you are over reacting but it’s your prerogative not to be friends with someone you consider bitchy

JassyRadlett · 19/10/2019 23:18

It’s not a nasty comment, it’s just an observation based on the shape of the fang teeth.

‘Not nasty’ comments like this made me paranoid and massively self-conscious for years because of my teeth. I smiled (mouth closed) when family members made ‘observations’ like this, but it did damage.

DianneWhatcock · 19/10/2019 23:27

Awww my five year old has vampire teeth i love them they're so cute 😂

CarolDanvers · 19/10/2019 23:29

We used to call dd our little cat because she had sharp little teeth just like a cat. It was really cute.

I think though that you were there OP and only you can know if there was that underlying tension that changes comments from humour or observation, into something more loaded.

DianneWhatcock · 19/10/2019 23:30

But then how your friend it said straight after her mum was saying nice things, it was a bit spiteful IMO ...jealous I think so actually as cute as I think fangs are you're right to be annoyed

WhatsInAName19 · 19/10/2019 23:31

I am amazed at the responses here. Amazed. It's absolutely not OK for an adult to make derogatory comments about a 3 year old child! My pre-schooler knows that you don't comment on the way that people look because A) looks just aren't important and B) you could easily hurt someone's feelings and it's not nice. Why are there dozens of adults here who can't understand this? Some of the remarks being made here are absolutely shocking. That old favourite "get over yourself" when someone is hurt about something. Just plain nasty. First of all, excusing it as a throwaway comment that she didn't mean anything by is rubbish. She said "he has got teeth like a vampire though" so of course it's intended to be an insult. The word "though" in this context means "my mum might think he has beautiful eyes BUT look at his teeth". It's quite obvious that it was an insult. There's also he small fact that OP was actually there and heard the tone and other cues that let her know how the comment was intended to be understood. Someone has said upthread that since OP has confirmed that her son's teeth are pointed, this makes the nasty comment OK. On what fucking planet? So it's fine to make fun of a kid as long as they do actually have something "wrong" with them? And as for "he's 3 so he won't understand", what? My 3 year old would absolutely understand this since it's quite basic and would probably stew on it because that's just the way she is.

OP, this woman is no friend. Of course it's not OK to say things like this about anyone, but especially a child and especially in front of them.

everytimerickysayscuntIlaugh · 19/10/2019 23:32

So what if op knows her kid has pointy teeth? Do we all go around pointing out each other's flaws just because we can see them? She obviously said it as a put down in response to her mum's comment. People on here are being deliberately obtuse.

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2019 23:32

Well look, you've got all this history and other stuff that you don't want to go into (fair enough) and she's your life-long friend, so only you really know her.

I'm not sure why you started a thread asking strangers if you're BU if (knowing what you know and we don't), you're adamant that YANBU.

Italiangreyhound · 19/10/2019 23:38

"Without hearing her say it and the way it was said, I don’t think any of us can say whether she was making an observation or being unkind. The OP has made their mind up so is biased."

The OP heard the comment, so presumably she can say whether it was an observation or being unkind. But anyway, one might observe that I am fat and have wrinkles around my eyes, or a dodgey looking tow etc. All true but if thrown into a conversation these observations would be deemed unkind.

Italiangreyhound · 19/10/2019 23:39

toe (and I am dyslexic and cannot spell!)

Yestermo · 19/10/2019 23:39

Life is too short. Let things go and you will be happier.
I've learnt this from my own mistakes of over reacting.

Myoldtable · 19/10/2019 23:40

I think it’s wrong to comment on a child’s appearance. It’s natural you are upset, I would be,

Alsohuman · 19/10/2019 23:42

She’s not really your friend, is she? What a ridiculous thing to get bent out of shape over.