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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at what she said about my child? **Title edited by MNHQ**

132 replies

Milkfreemoomum · 19/10/2019 22:10

Well i know i'm not being unreasonable. But i'm just so angry. My oldest friend who i've known since i was little made a comment about my DS teeth in front of me, her mum and her DP. Her mum was saying how cute my DS was and how piercing his eyes are. My friend then pipes up and then well he has got teeth like a vampire though hasn't he, in front of him. He's only 3! What person makes nasty comments about a 3 year old!? Her mum and me both told her not to be nasty and she just laughed it off and said well i'm just saying he has pointy teeth.
I know she clearly is no friend of mine if she's going to say stuff like this about my son. I feel she was jealous of her mum saying nice things to my son as before her mum turned up she was saying how her mum doesn't bothered with her children. Still no excuse. I left soon after this comment. Please tell me this isn't normal behaviour?

OP posts:
HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 19/10/2019 22:36

It's absolutely nothing like calling a kid four-eyes, don't be stupid.

MyDcAreMarvel · 19/10/2019 22:38

Get a grip, I have said the same about my own five year old. She laughed.

Italiangreyhound · 19/10/2019 22:40

Milkfreemoomum I totally get why you are upset and I would be too.

I can't imagine your son not understanding the comment.

EKGEMS · 19/10/2019 22:41

That would not go down well with me

PurpleFlower1983 · 19/10/2019 22:41

I think you’re overreacting a bit tbh.

ferrier · 19/10/2019 22:43

I'm with you OP.

FloofenHoofen · 19/10/2019 22:43

I don't agree with what people are saying here that it was a throwaway comment.
I have personal experience of comments being made about my teeth that led to me crying most days and even though he's only 3, if you allowed these types of comments to be made - even if it just a throwaway comment, he will eventually believe it and it will make him very insecure.

People on here are saying it's not nasty because they don't have people making comments about their teeth to know how it feels. It's not cute or funny. And you're right, if you made a comment like that about someone wearing glasses or the way their nose was shaped it's the exact same thing. Throwaway comments are damaging.

Walnutwhipster · 19/10/2019 22:45

PFB? I'd agree if my friend said it and it was true. A throwaway comment, nothing to lose your shit over.

Spied · 19/10/2019 22:47

I'd not be happy. The bitch.

Dollymixture22 · 19/10/2019 22:48

I had little vampire teeth. Eye teeth that came down over my teeth. I loved them.

Dentist pulled them out,

Persimmonn · 19/10/2019 22:48

Wow. You really are odd.

My ds has vampire fangs. Apparently the sharper your fangs are, the more flirtatious or a charmer you are. It’s nothing like calling a child 4 eyed.

PavlovaFaith · 19/10/2019 22:49

There are also previous incidents of things said by her. Not to my DS but she can be bitchy. And tbh I think this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Not a massive deal but a series of things built up.

Uh huh.

midnightmisssuki · 19/10/2019 22:49

Stop projecting. If this keeps happening as he gets older and he sees you overreacting to everything he’s not going to know when someone is making A throw away comment or something more sinister. He’s going to overreact to everything - like you have done.

SunFlowersAndSeeds · 19/10/2019 22:50

This would make me angry I hate it when people say negative things about other people’s appearance it’s unnecessary & rather shallow. Your right it could knock his confidence when he’s older

Pinkypurple35 · 19/10/2019 22:52

Calling a child 4 eyed is vindictive- vampire teeth just isn’t the same.
I do think you’re over reacting about this.

Italiangreyhound · 19/10/2019 22:53

OP you are most definitely not off or over reacting to feel sensitive about an intentionally hurtful comment said about your son in front of him and you.

No idea why anyone would feel it was OK yo say hurtful things about appearance. It's certainly not something friends should say.

As you've been friends a long time I think I would tell her how hurtful you found the comment. Hopefully, she will apologise.

Flowers
Italiangreyhound · 19/10/2019 22:55

Clearly it's not a throw away comment and exactly like calling someone fat or commenting on glasses. How could it not be.

Sagradafamiliar · 19/10/2019 22:56

You said yourself that there are bad feelings between her and her mum thanks to her mum having nothing good to say about her own kids, so you can show a bit of understanding, surely?

Vehivle · 19/10/2019 22:56

I think you're overreacting a little. Your friend may well have been jealous and so made a mean comment which I'm not condoning. But if I were you I'd have just let it slide. If my kid didnt understand and wasnt hurt - I'd be annoyed but not enough to detonate an entire friendship over it if I valued that friendship. I've overlooked things friends have done- like a friend struggling with infertility made unkind comments about my baby. But I let it slide as I understood it was her own struggles that were making her behave as she normally wouldnt. I valued our friendship too much to burn it all down over a comment my friend said in a bad moment. Everyone says stuff they regret once in a while, and I think part of a strong and long friendship is weathering those times.

Having said that it sounds like you dont value the friendship or see it as one you want to keep in your life long term. You said this was the final straw in a run of poor behaviour. And so ultimately if you feel this person is bringing more negativity to your life than good, then maybe it's time to burn the bridge. Her latest comment was just the lighting of the fuse by the sounds of it.

Geneva1995 · 19/10/2019 22:59

Omg. People telling OP to get a grip on here when she is clearly upset. Some people are so f*ing rude Hmm

She sounds like a shit friend in my opinion. There’s a difference between having a joke and clearly having a dig about your child’s appearance. I’d be annoyed too Flowers

Armadilloboss · 19/10/2019 22:59

No, sorry, I don’t find this acceptable at all. It was not a throwaway comment and it was not said in a jokey manor. It was said to point out a ‘flaw’ in your child (I am not calling your child flawed at all) the way this was delivered straight after a compliment as a ‘yes... but’ is very mean!
It is like someone saying you have nice eyes and another person retaliating ‘yeah but shame about your nose’
It is completely unacceptable, especially from a friend

AllFourOfThem · 19/10/2019 22:59

Without hearing her say it and the way it was said, I don’t think any of us can say whether she was making an observation or being unkind. The OP has made their mind up so is biased.

Geneva1995 · 19/10/2019 23:00

I broke my arm when I was younger and after having an operation my arm was slightly twisted (still is). I remember my mums friend calling it a banana arm in conversation once and I remember how upset I felt then but I didn’t show it. The comment is out of order

ViciousJackdaw · 19/10/2019 23:00

Why not just dress him up in a vampire costume and stick him in the window at Halloween? That'll keep those pesky trick or treaters away! 🎃🧛‍♂️

Cohle · 19/10/2019 23:00

If you "know" you're not being unreasonable then why are you posting here?

For what it's worth I do think YABU, a passing remark that your child didn't even understand isn't worth falling out with a lifelong friend over.

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