Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at what she said about my child? **Title edited by MNHQ**

132 replies

Milkfreemoomum · 19/10/2019 22:10

Well i know i'm not being unreasonable. But i'm just so angry. My oldest friend who i've known since i was little made a comment about my DS teeth in front of me, her mum and her DP. Her mum was saying how cute my DS was and how piercing his eyes are. My friend then pipes up and then well he has got teeth like a vampire though hasn't he, in front of him. He's only 3! What person makes nasty comments about a 3 year old!? Her mum and me both told her not to be nasty and she just laughed it off and said well i'm just saying he has pointy teeth.
I know she clearly is no friend of mine if she's going to say stuff like this about my son. I feel she was jealous of her mum saying nice things to my son as before her mum turned up she was saying how her mum doesn't bothered with her children. Still no excuse. I left soon after this comment. Please tell me this isn't normal behaviour?

OP posts:
EmmiJay · 19/10/2019 23:45

You have every right to be annoyed. I would never say something like that about a friends child. Its rude. If they said anything about my child I'd come with a clapback about their appearance. But thats just me 😊

Keeoe · 19/10/2019 23:45

Oh, ffs OP. We (and all friends and family) used to call my daughter Nosferatu as she got her canine teeth before any others. It's hardly a slight upon his character or looks, just a humorous observation. Please relax and unclench a little...

WatcherintheRye · 19/10/2019 23:51

I'm with you, op. So crass of her to make a comment about his appearance in front of him. Most people are seriously underestimating how much a 3yr old will be aware of negative comments about them.

myolivetree · 20/10/2019 00:28

Can't believe the chills and get a grips etc on here.

I would never in a million years comment negatively about a child's looks in front of them. Rude as Fuck.

Irrelevant if your child has the teeth of Count Bloody Dracula or otherwise.

Original poster
Milkfreemoomum · 20/10/2019 07:34

Wonder if the people telling me to get a grip, chill and that im over reacting are the people who dish these insults out to young children thinking they will do no harm?? If a work colleague or another person commented on a physical feature of yours i'm pretty sure you would be put out. So why is it ok to do it to a child? Yes i find his vampire teeth very cute but i dont tell him he has them.
And well this isn't a AIBU really but more of a how would you have reacted? I told my DM and she is also angry she said that about his appearance and tried to put him down in front of other people. My son heard it and looked at me, i told him not to worry that his teeth were just fine.

OP posts:
NannaNoodleman · 20/10/2019 08:01

It's all about the context:

  1. friendly tone "and ahhh hasn't he got the cutest little vampire teeth" implying cuteness.

  2. nasty tone in response to a compliment "well he's got vampire teeth" implying ugliness.

#2 is not acceptable. It's deliberately trying to cause hurt. I'm surprised so many people are ok with that.

FreddyFazbear · 20/10/2019 08:46

I completely understand where you're coming from OP. It's not appropriate to make what is clearly meant to be a negative comment about someone else's child. It was as if your friend had to balance out her mother's compliment by saying something nasty. She was probably jealous and the remark was vindictive. If you know she has issues with her mum though, perhaps let it go, but your reaction was understandably protective of your son.

I honestly can't understand why posters here think it's ok to say something like that about another person's child. It's bloody rude. If a stranger said it, would that be alright?

FreddyFazbear · 20/10/2019 08:51

If YOU had replied with 'Ah, but he has the teeth of a vampire!', then that's a harmless quip. But in this context, where it was the friend, that's just wrong.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 20/10/2019 08:54

You're being dramatic.

You clearly don't like her. Stop being friends with her. 🤷‍♀️

Whatjusthappenedthere · 20/10/2019 08:55

Piercing eyes would worry me more to be honest. Who says that about a 3 year old who’s not in a Horror Movie?

lisag1969 · 20/10/2019 09:06

I get you're upset, Try not to take it too personally, I think you have probably been friends so long she thinks she can say anything to you.
I also think you maybe right about her being upset with her mum.
Take no notice and try not to let it spoil your friendship. You have been friends a long time.

PulpPixie · 20/10/2019 09:10

Overreaction

Helmetbymidnight · 20/10/2019 09:10

its horrid when you feel someones making a dig at your child.

i have to say, i adore pointy, er, vampire teetgh, i think theyre gorgeous but i know everyones different.

dd once said to me: i love your yellow teeth. that was annoying Grin

Bluntness100 · 20/10/2019 09:10

I agre with a pp. you've already made your mind up, you dislike her. So what's the point of the thread?

LannisterLion1 · 20/10/2019 09:11

She's obviously got issues but it's unsurprising if her mum is constantly fawning over other peoples dc and ignoring hers, toxicity can breed toxicity. However, that's not your problem to have impact on you. It's between her and her shit mum.

I doubt she was jealous probably angry and hurt given her mum's behaviour to her dc. Again, not something she should put onto you and if she's doing it frequently then you are best off walking away.

Vampire fangs comments can be said with adorableness (as i have siblings with them) in mind but it's all about tone and situation.

WatcherintheRye · 20/10/2019 09:17

In what world could 'he has the teeth of a vampire' possibly be construed as a positive comment? Only on MN!

What about 'he has the cutest buck teeth, just like a rabbit'. Is that acceptable to say in front of the child? How about to an adult 'aah, I love those wrinkles round your eyes when you smile'?

Saying anything that makes people conscious of a physical feature that apparently stands out to others is unkind and to be avoided.

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 20/10/2019 09:22

You clearly don't like her. Stop being friends with her. 🤷‍♀️

^^This.

ginghamtablecloths · 20/10/2019 09:22

It was unkind and unthinking. If opening her mouth and putting both feet in it is a common trait she'll reap the benefit eventually, won't she? Others came to your defence so don't worry about it too much. Hopefully she'll learn from the experience but I wouldn't count on it.

WatcherintheRye · 20/10/2019 09:24

And before anyone disingenuously suggests that that rules out giving compliments, I think we all know what's culturally acceptable, when it comes to remarking on someone's else's features. 'Vampire teeth' just isn't!

RightOnTheEdge · 20/10/2019 09:31

Yanbu.
She didn't agree with her mum's compliments and say "Yes and cute little vampire teeth"
She said "well he has got teeth like a vampire though hasn't he?" which is clearly a bitchy comment.
I get that she probably felt jealous and pissed off that she feels her mum doesn't bother with her kids but she was mean.

Helmetbymidnight · 20/10/2019 09:32

I genuinely love them though.

Thehop · 20/10/2019 09:37

@Whatjusthappenedthere I thought that was odd too

MaeveDidIt · 20/10/2019 09:46

A comment made like that is plain nasty.
I would say she's very jealous of him.

diddl · 20/10/2019 09:56

I'm with you Op.

Totally unnecessary.

Just because her & her mum don't get on or her mum doesn't take enough interest in her GC, no need to make a comment about Op's son.

He's totally nothing to do with their relationship!

Maggie272 · 20/10/2019 10:15

She was obviously hurt by her mum, and you can see why it happened.

Forgive easily