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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that these are not signs that we live in poverty.

328 replies

Tweedledeedumb · 19/10/2019 09:43

Had an unexpected phone called from DS's school.
All year 7's were given a survey and my sons answers indicated that we might be in need and the school were offering friendly help. It turns out that the questions that he responded no to were:

Do we have a dishwasher
Do we have a microwave
How many holidays abroad has DS had this year.

AIBU that these are not an indicator or poverty. I have never seen dishwashers or microwaves as necessary.

Both I had in the past and never used them. It is personal choice not to own them and we do perfectly well without.

As for the holidays, why is going abroad necessary when we have amazing places in the UK. Fair enough if they said holiday in the last 2 years but for all they know, I may have had 6 holidays last year.

I work in education so not knocking the school as we see these things all the time but this had to be the most ridiculous one to date.

The school said that it was fine and it was just to flag those needed help and they couldn't ask the children if their parents struggled to pay bills.

What do you think? Are these questions useful?

OP posts:
wildchild554 · 20/10/2019 21:29

Think my kids school think we're in poverty because I don't have a tumble dryer, well we'd be alright if we hadn't had the 3 weeks of straight rain and ran out of dry shirts by the end of one the weeks so had to borrow one from school for a day :') I wouldn't have room for a tumble even if I wanted one.
Also don't have a microwave, don't have a dishwasher and don't holiday abroad as son is sen and couldn't manage his issues if we were abroad. Also don't have a fridge but we don't need one. Have a freezer instead everything goes in there and we have dairy allergies so have a cool bag for the uht df sf milk which gets used in a day and df sf cheese goes in the freezer as only really like made in a sauce or melted on something and as for df sf yoghurts they cost a fortune so only get them on offer and have to be used same day anyway.

But kids are still fed well, clean, clothed and happy. Don't do extravagent trips or anything, very simple life, but doesn't mean we are in poverty.

angelfacecuti75 · 20/10/2019 21:30

cookingonabootstrap.com/2012/07/30/hunger-hurts/

Sorrynotsorry22 · 20/10/2019 21:31

Think it's probably well meaning but utterly outrageous. It's state endorsed shopping.

bigmumsymcgraw · 20/10/2019 21:33

This is unbelievable I would be furious. How about asking child if it is happy Who gives a toss about kitchen appliances!

downbutnotout2018 · 20/10/2019 21:40

This is bonkers indeed.

frumpety · 20/10/2019 21:44

For years as a single parent I didn't have a microwave or dishwasher and couldn't afford holidays, let alone abroad. I have always had a tumble dryer though, even when I lived in a homeless hostel. Not sure what that says about me to be honest ?

Aunaturalmama · 20/10/2019 21:47

How odd. We do abroad every other year and do a country wide road trip the alternative years. Sometimes we are tired of traveling and just say no more for a bit. I don’t use a microwave but I love my dishwasher!
Either way very invasive.

Aunaturalmama · 20/10/2019 21:48

Also we have a special needs child so traveling can just be too much! Totally personal choice!

LaurieMarlow · 20/10/2019 21:48

The issue it’s hard to come up with clear, unambiguous, easy to answer questions that would raise red flags on poverty.

While I agree that these questions aren’t great, the alternative suggestions put forward are no better.

ChicCroissant · 20/10/2019 21:50

Did the school say it was the negative response to those three particular questions that had prompted their call, OP? Or was it more of a 3 negatives out of 12 questions (obviously I don't know the size of this survey) which made them call? What where the rest of the questions?

Tiredand · 20/10/2019 21:51

As a fairly well off kid in the 70’s we had none of those things, and a take away only on birthdays.

How times change!

The questions do seem stupid but for some reason people seem to equate wealth with possessions. For obvious reasons lots of people with plenty of possessions are heavily in debt, whilst plenty of wealthy people actually own fairly little other than what they need. We bought most of our baby stuff second hand not because we could afford it but simply because we knew we’d only need it for a short while.

Maybe the survey was sponsored by Bosch and Tui?

Prepaymentfear · 20/10/2019 21:53

We are pupil premium. We dont own a dishwasher (kitchen too small!), we do own a microwave and we have been abroad in the past 12 months twice. Both trips abroad were paid for by family..

FelicisNox · 20/10/2019 21:54

Those are definitely not indicators of poverty!

Devora13 · 20/10/2019 21:55

Something a bit more basic? And then, still not indicative of poverty...

  1. Do you have a fridge?
  2. Do you have a washing machine?
  3. Have you been on holiday ANYWHERE in the last two years?
MarshaBradyo · 20/10/2019 21:58

That is crazy.

It was years ago, granted, but I did not grow up in poverty, at all, and we didn’t have a microwave or go on holiday. We lived near a beach, no need. Sent us to boarding school though so obvs not poverty.

Holidays, microwaves and dishwashers are no where near good indicators.

BoardingSchoolMater · 20/10/2019 22:05

Do we have a dishwasher - no
Do we have a microwave - no
How many holidays abroad has DS had this year - none. In fact, none ever. My DC don't go on school trips, either.

We are paying school fees so there is no money for any of the above. But that's definitely not poverty.

BoardingSchoolMater · 20/10/2019 22:07

Missed: "Have you been on holiday ANYWHERE in the last two years"

No, we haven't. I have had one day trip to another city in the past five years. Still don't think that's poverty, though.

WineIsMyMainVice · 20/10/2019 22:09

OMG this is appalling!!! What are they thinking of? (Or rather, not thinking???!!)

KatyCarrCan · 20/10/2019 22:25

Obviously they're not signs of poverty but I wonder if the survey has been designed by the school for its demographic. If they have research on their catchment then it may be that those indicators do tend to represent the lower incomes in their area. I'm not arguing causation or correlation, but to be fair, neither are they.

Emz834 · 20/10/2019 22:39

We earn a combined income of 75K and don't have a dishwasher. We tbink they're crap and costly to run...bad carbon footprint. We have a microwave though Grin

Emz834 · 20/10/2019 22:40

Besides, it's relaxing to wash up!

scottsparkteacher · 20/10/2019 22:40

I don’t understand all the abuse this school is getting. PP said schools can’t do right from wrong- very well said. Of course you can’t just ask kids ‘are your parents destitute?’ You have to be a bit more creative. Someone said look at the FSM list- that’s missing the point entirely. This survey would presumably have been to help identify needy families not on FSM who should be. Also some areas which provide FSM for all primary kids eg Southwark can make it hard to identify those who would qualify for pupil premium and therefore the school misses out on extra funding. Let’s be honest most people who don’t have a microwave, or dishwasher and don’t go on overseas holidays are poorer than those with these things.

Bluesunglasses · 20/10/2019 22:44

Can't afford holidays, can't afford a microwave after ours broke, and never owned a dishwasher because I can't afford it nor the electric or water costs. We do struggle to make ends meet, and probably will need extra help pretty soon. It doesn't mean everyone who doesn't go abroad or have those appliances is struggling, but I'll wager that's exception and not the rule.

Children often won't notice that their parents are struggling, they won't see their parents skip meals to make sure they're fed, they won't see them borrowing money to pay bills. Most of us do everything we can to let adult issues remain adult issues and not involve the kids, I'm hardly going to tell mine that we're struggling... But children will notice if they don't have x, y and z in the home when asked and this will be a real help to some families.

mumoid · 20/10/2019 22:47

FredaFrogspawn

Hard to ask the real questions though.

Are you ever hungry because your parents can’t afford food? Do you dread the holidays because lunch disappears? Do your shoes have holes but your parents can’t afford new ones yet? Are you coming to school without a coat because your coat doesn’t fit you any more? Is your home every too cold for you to do your homework comfortably because there’s not enough money for heating? Do you have to say no and pretend you don’t want to go on school trips or to extra curricular activities because your parents won’t have enough money for them?

Too many children.

wildchild554 · 20/10/2019 22:59

@scottsparkteacher not nessessarily, a microwave and a dishwasher aren't essential appliances and believe or not theres alot don't want them cluttering up there house when they aren't going be used, plus alot of people don't have room for a dishwasher in their house. I have 2 friends using theirs in rented houses that have them but use them to store their pots, not to wash in them, just a waste of space for them. As for holidays abroad, not everyone actually want's to go abroad. I know well off families that don't own dishwasher or microwave and would rather holiday in uk or have day trips.