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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that these are not signs that we live in poverty.

328 replies

Tweedledeedumb · 19/10/2019 09:43

Had an unexpected phone called from DS's school.
All year 7's were given a survey and my sons answers indicated that we might be in need and the school were offering friendly help. It turns out that the questions that he responded no to were:

Do we have a dishwasher
Do we have a microwave
How many holidays abroad has DS had this year.

AIBU that these are not an indicator or poverty. I have never seen dishwashers or microwaves as necessary.

Both I had in the past and never used them. It is personal choice not to own them and we do perfectly well without.

As for the holidays, why is going abroad necessary when we have amazing places in the UK. Fair enough if they said holiday in the last 2 years but for all they know, I may have had 6 holidays last year.

I work in education so not knocking the school as we see these things all the time but this had to be the most ridiculous one to date.

The school said that it was fine and it was just to flag those needed help and they couldn't ask the children if their parents struggled to pay bills.

What do you think? Are these questions useful?

OP posts:

ActualHornist · 20/10/2019 02:45

I don’t understand the logic of those questions.

I’m sure the poverty census thing asked questions about WiFi, not dishwashers. Why aren’t they asking that? Or, how many school jumpers do you have, how many pairs of shoes and trainers do you have? Of course, you’ll have those kids who have one jumper because they lost the other and those that hate fashion so wear school shoes only - but they’ll be outliers!

Serious lack of imagination in those questions. I agree they have to be careful but those are bizarre.

Derbee · 20/10/2019 03:35

Missing the point of the thread, but I’m genuinely amazed at how many people don’t have dishwashers

Mimishimi · 20/10/2019 03:43

We don't have

a) a dishwasher. We live in an apartment and there is not room in our kitchen for one.

b) a microwave. We used to have them. However we had a problem with cockroaches infesting them (we live in Sydney, Australia and they love electronic appliances which are always switched on). Once we chucked the microwaves, we didn't have a roach problem.

c) holidays abroad. Okay, we have had these but only every five years or so on average because we live in Australia and it takes a long time to get anywhere.

We are in the top 5% of earners in Australia according to the stats. What stupid criteria for determining poverty !!

BellyButton85 · 20/10/2019 03:47

Wow I thought everyone had a microwave, but of course each to their own.
However I think if you can afford to go abroad it's not just about a nice holiday, it's showinf/teaching your kids about different places/cultures, trying new foods etc so I do think (if possible) people should take their kids abroad. Also of the opinion of...i couldn't think of anything worse than holidaying in the UK but again, personal choice

echt · 20/10/2019 03:54

Welcome to MN, OP.

Mintjulia · 20/10/2019 04:13

Our primary queried this because we didn’t have broadband

I suppose they were trying to help but really! We spent our weekends cycling & swimming & playing games rather than glued to YouTube and that was supposed to be an issue.

YobaOljazUwaque · 20/10/2019 04:48

People on this thread who have used the word "judgemental" must themselves subconsciously believe that being poor is a moral failing.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 20/10/2019 05:14

We did a survey like that in our school once. More students had televisions in their houses than had inside toilets. Also more families had cars than had bathtubs. Not really signs of poverty, more like signs of personal choices, in my opinion.

Sostenueto · 20/10/2019 05:31

Having a dishwasher, microwave and foreign holidays is not how you measure whether you are in need. These are material things not essentials.
If the school had asked if the food cupboards are bare, whether you can afford to put the heating on and when was the last time you had a pair of shoes that were not secondhand would have been more appropriate.
I would change schools if their idea of poverty was a lack of a dishwasher. I would want my child to go to a school that knew the real difference between poverty and relative poverty. ( even not having a dishwasher is not relative poverty) pffft!

Sostenueto · 20/10/2019 05:36

Georgia what year was that survey you did? Undoubtedly there are still those with outside toilets and no bathrooms. No denying that. Must be those bad landlords though.

Sostenueto · 20/10/2019 05:45

Bellybutton if you want your children to experience foreign food buy a cookbook and cook some foreign meals. If you want your child to educate themselves about other countries, buy books, get them to study geography and history or visit the library or use your multitude of electronic media. This country has a lot to offer if you can be bothered to look. And many different cultures too from those that live in absolute poverty to those that are so over privileged that they think they have the right to look down on those that don't have a microwave.

Sostenueto · 20/10/2019 05:56

I do not have a dishwasher, I actually do the washing up myself. I must admit that having to do the washing up us a chore as I have had to do it from the age of seven to the present day many decades! I even had to cook a 3 course dinner from age 10! Oh the shame of it! And to add insult to injury I even used to have to do the washing by hand!!!! Can you imagine that?! And use a manual mangle!! Oh what horrors! And as for a microwave, well, what can I say? Having to do without those packet meals laden with salt and all things not good for you like preservatives, additives, horsemeat.... My goodness I really am deprived!!!! Oh and all those foreign holidays I've missed out on and all those ' Delhi bellies' and ' carcinomas' and instant skin ageing sunbathers looks! I can't even bear to think about my poor quality of life! Oh the shame of it all! I think I need to go and seek some professional help!

Sostenueto · 20/10/2019 06:08

Extreme poverty, abject poverty, absolute poverty, destitution, or penury, was defined by the United Nations (UN) in its 1995 report of the World Summit for Social Development as "a condition characterized by severe deprivation of basic human needs, including food, safe drinking water, sanitation facilities, health, shelter, education and information. It depends not only on income but also on access to services."[2] Historically, other definitions have been proposed within the United Nations.

Sostenueto · 20/10/2019 06:11

Despite being a developed country, those who are living at the lower end of the income distribution in the United Kingdom have a relatively low standard of living. Data based on incomes published in 2016 by Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) show that, after housing costs have been taken into consideration, the number of people living in the UK in relative poverty to be 13.44m (21% of the population).[1] In 2015, a report by Institute for Fiscal Studies reported that 21.6% of Britons were now in relative poverty. The report showed that there had been a fall in poverty in the first few years of the twenty-first century, but the rate of poverty had remained broadly flat since 2004/5.[2]. Just to remind ourselves............

SunshineAngel · 20/10/2019 06:16

Wow, that does not mean you are in poverty, nor is it any of the school's business. Sure, look out for the kids, and if it looks like they're struggling that's different, but to activity seek out information in such an underhand way by giving questions out to the kids.. not on. I would be complaining about this.

Although having said that, if they were offering to pay my bills.. ha ha.

minesagin37 · 20/10/2019 06:18

I know people who are absolutely loaded but refuse to buy dishwashers and microwaves as they are staunch traditionalists. Plus they tend to holiday in the UK. That survey was made up by some sort of 30 year old chav!

Sostenueto · 20/10/2019 06:20

Actually since the austerity measures these figures for relative poverty are much higher in this country and with the masses of jib losses recently and those expected in the near future with the political climate many many more people will be using food banks etc.
Don't make the mistake of thinking it won't happen to you. Anyone can lose their job, their house, their income and end up one of those in relative poverty. People that work use food banks. There may be a day when our landscapes are full of discarded dishwashers and microwaves.

PonteLaCorona · 20/10/2019 06:42

Missing the point of the thread, but I’m genuinely amazed at how many people don’t have dishwashers

I'm genuinely amazed that people are amazed by my lack of dishwasher

Sostenueto · 20/10/2019 07:08

Ponte

Sostenueto · 20/10/2019 07:15

I'm even more astounded that my dd has managed to bring up her dd on a minimum wage, zero contract hours, living in private housing because she can't get a council house in the town she was born in, struggling to find enough money to eat, does not have either a dishwasher or microwave ( this broke), though lucky she has a bath and inside toilet, and that said dd having never been on a foreign holiday is actually applying to a world renowned university for next year ( in this country,) and already holds offers to Russell group Unis ( top 25 in country). I'm really shocked actually that you can achieve anything without a dishwasher, microwave and a foreign holiday!

LaurieMarlow · 20/10/2019 07:48

Not the point, I know, but for those who can afford and have space for a dishwasher, why don’t you get one?

MIdgebabe · 20/10/2019 07:49

We would need to buy more crockery to fill it?

LaurieMarlow · 20/10/2019 07:52

You can get small dishwashers.

squeekums · 20/10/2019 08:01

Id have refused to answer based and told dd to just write none of your business on each question

We have a microwave
No dishwasher, there no room with how our kitchen laid out, i dont need reminding i dont have one lol, i miss it
Never been overseas, i dont see the appeal, not due to costs

MIdgebabe · 20/10/2019 08:05

But why? What is the benefit? I had one once. My life was not enriched. I did not have more free time to do better things. I just don't get it.

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