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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I apologise

136 replies

CannotbearsedRN · 18/10/2019 23:36

Background 35 weeks pregnant with twins massive, exhausted and sore.

‘D’P has his son this weekend who is 10 DP was working today and I was picking up DSS from school along with my DD (6). First DSS has been to stay in a few months as there have been issues with his mum. So I made sure we had a nice night planned with Halloween activities etc.

DP then rang to say he was being kept on in work until 10 so I told DSS who cried as he missed his dad. I continued on with the planned activities dss had a toilet accident (which I have tried to get DP to sort out but there is no improvement) I cleaned that up text DP to tell him
And he said I was ‘getting at him’.

DSS then started playing his game console online which I really really don’t agree with kids gaming online so mentioned this to DP and he said his mum lets him. So I said yes but this is our house we have our rules...he replied saying he didn’t want to rock the boat as he’s only back. Which I just think is ridiculous parenting so he told me to sort it but I didn’t feel comfortable enough.

It got to 930 and DD was exhausted so I put her to bed then told DSS his bed time would be 1030. I finally sat down at 1045 with a cuppa and half hour later DP comes in (finally) and because said that I was rude as I didn’t reply to his message on the way home. No thanks for sorting out everything today nothing. He went for a shower and I’ve just heard him get into bed. Wtaf is his problem! He has never had my DD all evening and I know he would no bother but I would at least be a little grateful. Apparently I’m just miserable and I probably am but I am exhausted all the time. Should I just bite the bullet and go in and apologise?

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 18/10/2019 23:38

My sympathies are with the 10 year old boy who seems very low down the list of his father’s priorities.

Jupiters · 18/10/2019 23:38

No, you have nothing to apologise for.

Wildorchidz · 18/10/2019 23:39

Hopefully he will be a better father to the twins.

Smelborp · 18/10/2019 23:40

Why on earth would you apologise?

TORDEVAN · 18/10/2019 23:40

No YANBU, well done for doing all that whilst pregnant with twins! I only made 34+6 and was a beached whale for a few weeks before!

Dieu · 18/10/2019 23:41

Poor boy Sad

judithandholofernes · 18/10/2019 23:41

Do not apologise. He’s probably tired and annoyed that he missed out on time with his son. He could be irritated that you seemed unenthusiastic about DSS in the texts.

However you’re human and need to rant. No apology is needed.

He should be grateful that you stepped up and covered his absence. Treat yourself to a lie in tomorrow & a long bath. DH can entertain both kids.

Original poster
CannotbearsedRN · 18/10/2019 23:43

I felt very sorry for the dss tonight too and his dad is still getting up in the morning to go do his hobby and dss is going to his grandparents for the day. I would keep him but DD is going to her dads and I have lots to get done for the new arrivals

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 18/10/2019 23:43

Personally I'd lose the partner and keep the kids

NearlyGranny · 18/10/2019 23:48

"DP has his son this weekend. "

No, he doesn't, does he? You have him and his DGPs have him and DP carries on as if it's everyone's job but his. When does the poor lad get time with his DF?!

Wildorchidz · 18/10/2019 23:48

He’s utterly useless

Original poster
CannotbearsedRN · 18/10/2019 23:48

Actually DP and DSS are meeting his parents for breakfast tomo morning before his hobby. DD and I are not invited I haven’t kicked off about that...

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 18/10/2019 23:49

Are you hoping he will change when the twins are born?

Wildorchidz · 18/10/2019 23:50

How long have you been with him?

Original poster
CannotbearsedRN · 18/10/2019 23:53

I am actually getting more pissed off that he couldn’t even mutter a thanks to me when he got in

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 18/10/2019 23:57

Good luck with him
I’d say you’ll need it

maddening · 19/10/2019 00:06

Leave your dh a message to tell him his son seems quite sad and just this once it would do him good to put his hobby down and be there for his son.

7yo7yo · 19/10/2019 00:09

I feels sorry for the DSS and for you.
Sounds like DSS is better of without his dad in his life if the idiot keeps prioritising his hobby and work before his kid!

SummerWhisper · 19/10/2019 00:16

You're 35 weeks pregnant and he didn't ask how you are?

Make sure he tends to his son tomorrow morning, not you. If he is a decent bloke, he will take you a cuppa up whilst you have a lie-in. If he ignores you, then perhaps you need to start noticing who is the most important person in his life because reading your thread, it sounds like it's him, not his child, not you, not his soon-to-be-born twins. Are you sure he was working?

Aroundnabout1 · 19/10/2019 00:19

What hobby would u chose over your son?

Aunaturalmama · 19/10/2019 00:21

I mean....most of us have been that pregnant before. Do you guys not remember having an attitude and being annoyed all the time? Lashing out with a tone and not knowing it?
I bet you were being kind of rude. Maybe he was a tad rude too but if you’re not comfortable enough to care for his child and make parenting choices, why are you getting on him about said parenting? (The toilet I mean...you didn’t have to text him about the accident)

Aunaturalmama · 19/10/2019 00:22

But also he seems like an arse. We’re all entitled to bad days though and unfortunately when you have a bad day with a pregnant wife it’s the end of the world lol I get it I’m currently pregnant

DrFoxtrot · 19/10/2019 00:32

Sounds like a difficult day all round, you exhausted and heavily pregnant doing your best, him irritated at having to stay at work and having to respond to several texts, all of which sounded negative/ fraught. You've both had one of those days and I think the only person apologising should be DH to DSS for the missed time, with a promise to spend time with him tomorrow instead of his hobby.

Ginfordinner · 19/10/2019 00:38

What is it with men and their hobbies. Can't he miss it for this week to spend time with his son?

Is he going to continue to spend as much time doing his hobby after the twins have been born?

krankykittykat · 19/10/2019 00:40

Are you not worried hes going to be a shit father to your twins like he is to his son?

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