Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I apologise

136 replies

CannotbearsedRN · 18/10/2019 23:36

Background 35 weeks pregnant with twins massive, exhausted and sore.

‘D’P has his son this weekend who is 10 DP was working today and I was picking up DSS from school along with my DD (6). First DSS has been to stay in a few months as there have been issues with his mum. So I made sure we had a nice night planned with Halloween activities etc.

DP then rang to say he was being kept on in work until 10 so I told DSS who cried as he missed his dad. I continued on with the planned activities dss had a toilet accident (which I have tried to get DP to sort out but there is no improvement) I cleaned that up text DP to tell him
And he said I was ‘getting at him’.

DSS then started playing his game console online which I really really don’t agree with kids gaming online so mentioned this to DP and he said his mum lets him. So I said yes but this is our house we have our rules...he replied saying he didn’t want to rock the boat as he’s only back. Which I just think is ridiculous parenting so he told me to sort it but I didn’t feel comfortable enough.

It got to 930 and DD was exhausted so I put her to bed then told DSS his bed time would be 1030. I finally sat down at 1045 with a cuppa and half hour later DP comes in (finally) and because said that I was rude as I didn’t reply to his message on the way home. No thanks for sorting out everything today nothing. He went for a shower and I’ve just heard him get into bed. Wtaf is his problem! He has never had my DD all evening and I know he would no bother but I would at least be a little grateful. Apparently I’m just miserable and I probably am but I am exhausted all the time. Should I just bite the bullet and go in and apologise?

OP posts:
theendoftheendoftheend · 19/10/2019 08:37

Oh and don't appologise!

Pardonwhat · 19/10/2019 08:39

That poor little boy Sad

Original poster
CannotbearsedRN · 19/10/2019 08:52

I know it wasn’t much of a treat night as his dad wasn’t there but I thought it was best to stick to the original plan as much as possible.

I have just heard him on the phone to his mum they are getting ready to go to his now and you can tell it’s a big sympathy phone call because he worked so late last night. So no matter my stance on his time with his son his mum ‘over rules’ it if you know what I mean

OP posts:
Pringlesfortea · 19/10/2019 08:55

Why are you having more kids with this looser who clearly gives no fucks about the 2 he is supposed to playing dad to..
Hate to say this ,but you’d be better as a single mum

RhiWrites · 19/10/2019 08:56

The hobby comes first then? He’s pretty selfish, isn’t he?

These threads are so depressing. Nothing will change. OP will do all the childcare for this man’s children, and the housework and the emotional labour. Meanwhile he will do exactly what he wants. But she won’t leave. She’ll cling to the occasional moment of affection and tell everyone he’s a brilliant partner and dad.

Slappadabass · 19/10/2019 08:56

That poor little lad! Surely if you hadn't seen your child in a while you would want to spend every second possible with them, not work late and then go out the following day. Sounds to me like he doesn't really give a crap about his DS.
And don't excuse him because he was a young dad, I was a teen mum and my DD was/is my world, I was young but it didn't mean I was any less of a mother and I did it all with no help, she was always with me and I was a proper parent to her, young doesn't equal crap, if you want to put the effort in you will no matter the age.
Fingers crossed he will be better with your twins but I doubt it unfortunately.

Pringlesfortea · 19/10/2019 08:57

You op
Sound like you actually have your head screwed on..how did you end up with a dh so different in parenting styles from yourself

WhoKnewBeefStew · 19/10/2019 08:59

So his dad hasn't seen him for a while and he's going off to do his hobby this morning, whilst dss gets shipped off to grandparents - fucking bang out of order. He needs to man up and be a bloody parent. No wonder his mum isn't happy with him spending time with him

ShitOnIt78 · 19/10/2019 09:11

Your DP is a fucking selfish prick. If my DH put his hobby over his kids I'd leave him, simple as that. Thst poor boy Sad

Original poster
CannotbearsedRN · 19/10/2019 09:17

They have both left for breakfast with granny (that me and DD weren’t invited too) and I have got a sarky text because I didn’t go down and say goodbye to DSS I am in bed watching TV with DD. I am not replying to any of his messages all day

OP posts:
quietheart · 19/10/2019 09:20

Sounds like the issues are with your DP not your DSS mum, poor boy and as for you wanting to parent him? What, as well as your DD, twins and DP, who you are hoping will step up and bond Confused

He is taking you for granted and he’s hardly going to grow up in the next week or two is he?

emilybrontescorsett · 19/10/2019 09:21

There are red flags flapping all over the place here op.

What’s done is done.

Take care if yourself and put yourself and children first.

ToastyFingers · 19/10/2019 09:29

He sounds like a pathetic mummy's boy and an unfit father. Does he have any good points?

Cryalot2 · 19/10/2019 09:31

Flowers you seem to have a lot on your plate.
You are heavily pregnant ( congratulations btw.) You made the best of the night with dss when his father put work first.
He should be more supportive to you given you are pregnant. It is very rude of dhs mother not to have you and dd there. Ypur dp seems to be tied to his mums apron strings. It looks as though she is making things worse by spoiling him and letting him have no responsibilities only his hobby
You need to think what you want for the future of you and your children and have a long calm chat with your dp.
He has treated both you and his son badly and expects you to apologise! He really does have a problem.
Enjoy your day.

GabriellaMontez · 19/10/2019 09:37

Apologise for what?Shock

SummerWhisper · 19/10/2019 09:59

He sent you a snarky text because you, pregnant with twins and looking after his son later than the hours that he worked, are having a bit of mummy time with your daughter but you should prioritise his son?

Tell him when he starts putting his son first, you will folliw suit. Tell him he made time to send you a snarky text but didn't make time to send you a text or thank you to your face for being the parent until 10.30 last night when he should have been spending time with his son and you should have been resting.

Tell him you are glad he thinks his son is a priority, which obviously means he won't be doing his hobby today so that he can make up for lost time. Tell him if he doesn't take responsibility for his children any day soon, you will be booking him a one-way ticket to Twatsville, where he belongs.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 19/10/2019 10:01

Jesus this 'relationship' if you can call it that, had disaster written all over it. What possessed you to get pregnant with a man like this? You don't sound particularly invested though tbh, so I singe you're equally as happy single parenting three kids as one? Because that's going to be your reality in two years, tops.

C0untDucku1a · 19/10/2019 10:07

That poor boy. Were the issues with the boys mother that she knew his father wasnt actually going to do any Parenting? Because she would be right.

Your partner’s behaviour is appalling. He doesnt think he has to parent his children. Everyone else will do it for him. Being older wont make
A Difference, because this is the father he is. He doesnt see it as his job.

Do you work, op?

spanglydangly · 19/10/2019 10:12

So, let me confirm DSS seeing his dad after a "break"

Friday night didn't see him, he was working late

Saturday morning, he is at GP and his Dad is at his hobby

Saturday evening, his dad planned a night out without him?

WHAT.A.SHIT.FATHER

you don't need to apologise but I'm seriously concerned about the future relationship. He's NEVER looked after your DD for an evening? Yet you live together?

Wildorchidz · 19/10/2019 10:14

Here’s another 4 kids with messed up lives ahead of them

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 19/10/2019 10:18

I agree @Wildorchidz sadly. Op, he just sounds like a completely useless selfish man. I appreciate you're excited to have your twins but it's just a pity you didn't find a decent guy to have them with - one bow actually gives a shit about you and the child he already has. You're heavily pregnant WITH TWINS & he is treating you like shit and walking all over you. He should be looking after you right now and making sure you're ok, not stressed and getting enough rest! Horrible horrible man!

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 19/10/2019 10:19

*who, not bow!

Dollymixture22 · 19/10/2019 10:20

Poor little boy.

Your partner sounds horrible - why are you bringing your little girl into this and having more child relationship with him.

There is a very unhappy little ten year old boy at the centre of this. He needs love and stability, sounds like his dad doesn’t give a fuck.

Oh and let him play computer games. The vast majority of ten year old boys do. As long as it’s not out of hand it’s perfectly normal. My nephew plays, it still top of his class and Is in lots of clubs.

Leave your partner before he can damage more children

Original poster
CannotbearsedRN · 19/10/2019 10:22

Yes I work.

Wildorchidz my DD is a great well rounded child I have no concerns for her future or my twins as I will make sure it’s good.

There is only so much I can do for DSS his mum isn’t the greatest either he is raised by his other GPs when on her time. And he is allowed to do whatever he wants no real consequences. There is only so much I can do for DSS and I do that when he’s here but I have no say in other aspects of his life which are the fault of his F AND M,

OP posts:
Original poster
CannotbearsedRN · 19/10/2019 10:23

He does play computer games it’s online gaming I don’t think is appropriate at 10 years old. Ear phones in who knows who they are conversing with

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread