Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry that it's now ok to sexually assault overweight women?

214 replies

WithTwoGiantBoys · 18/10/2019 07:09

Today Paul Gasgoine was cleared of sexual assault after he admitted forcefully and sloppily kissing a complete stranger on the lips. He somehow successfully argued that as the woman was a "fat lass" there was no sexual desire in his action, he was just cheering her up after some other prat had commented on her weight. I an FURIOUS that this decision erodes women's bodily autonomy, nobody should have to put up with a drunk man's attempted pity snog just because she is overweight.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-50068077

OP posts:
TriciaH87 · 18/10/2019 10:41

Personally feel its blown out of proportion and was an attempt to get money out of him not that he has any left. Think about it from this perspective. How many times have you been kissed on a night out for example? The person never asks for consent in the middle of the dance floor and sometimes you don't want them to so you back off. If they tried again after saying no that's assault but I wouldn't consider the first attempt to be assault unless you have firmly said no before. Size is irrelevant. Was a way to make a quick buck either from him or by selling the story to the tabloids or some trashy magazine in my opinion. Not saying he was in the Wright he wasn't but its been blown way out of proportion.

raspberryk · 18/10/2019 10:45

I can't imagine a kiss from Paul Gascoigne would have been much of a compliment regardless.
It's just not acceptable touching anyone else without consent, let alone kissing them full stop.

AngelsSins · 18/10/2019 10:47

The person never asks for consent in the middle of the dance floor and sometimes you don't want them to so you back off. If they tried again after saying no that's assault but I wouldn't consider the first attempt to be assault unless you have firmly said no before

So you think it’s ok for men to go around forcing kisses on random women as long as they only do it once? Is that actually what you’re saying? Where’s the line? Can my boss force a kiss on me if he only does it once? A doctor? A teacher? What her motives may have been are irrelevant as it does not excuse HIS actions.

twofingerstoEverything · 18/10/2019 10:49

Hmm Sure, Tricia. Hmm

twofingerstoEverything · 18/10/2019 10:54

If they tried again after saying no that's assault but I wouldn't consider the first attempt to be assault unless you have firmly said no before.
Let's get this clear, Tricia. We are meant to anticipate that some random bloke on a dancefloor might think we're fair game and tell him 'no' in advance? Otherwise it's fine, unless they go in for a second attempt?

MaxNormal · 18/10/2019 11:07

Tricia I'd hate to live in your world.

AutumnRose1 · 18/10/2019 11:08

Is there a way to complain about this decision? It's utterly ridiculous and paves the way for all kinds of strange defences.

LoveGrowsWhere · 18/10/2019 11:15

He's a *** No polite words.

AlternativePerspective · 18/10/2019 11:21

Even if one conceded that his motives weren’t sexual the fact still remains that A, he felt he had the right to kiss someone because of her size and B, that she would be glad a man wanted to kiss a “fat lass”.

I wouldn’t have taken it to court either. I’d have slapped him. But then I wonder whether he would have tried to have me done for assault?

The man is repulsive.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/10/2019 11:23

Tricia probably means in a slow dance not the middle of a mosh pit. When you are on a date with someone do they always ask before kissing you. Probably not but that is a completely different scenario to the case in question. A random drunk on the train is assault, someone you are cosying up with is not assualt unless they dont stop if you tell them to.

runningtogetskinny · 18/10/2019 11:29

I was so angry when watching the outcome of the trial yesterday (and I also live near Newcastle) it provoked an interesting discussion with my 22 year old daughter who states 'that type of thing happens all the time!' If nothing else it provided an opportunity for me to reinforce issues of consent with her. For what it's worth, everyone I know in NE thinks he's a wanker so not sure about claims of bias. 'Giving her a compliment' by forcibly kissing her?!? Wtaf? 😡

gingersausage · 18/10/2019 11:33

@Notodontidae WTAF??

@SimonJT as a man you’re now telling us we shouldn’t report sexual assault. Right-o. Another one of your many opinions that would have been best kept to yourself 🙄.

@TriciaH87 are you actually saying it’s perfectly OK to be grabbed and manhandled on a night out? Wow. I hope you don’t have daughters that you’re instilling that passive attitude into. Or sons that you are teaching that it’s acceptable to go round attacking random women. Fuck me, that is one of the most awful things I’ve ever read on here. You’re basically saying it’s fine to assault someone until they say stop.

PhilSwagielka · 18/10/2019 11:40

YANBU. I'm overweight. If a random man kissed me, I'd be freaked out and wouldn't take it as a compliment. I'm so used to men hitting on me for a joke. I hate how we're expected to be grateful for men treating us like playthings. And I hate how Newcastle fans are defending him - if an Everton player behaved like that (and Gazza did used to play for us), I'd still be disgusted. I wonder how they'd feel if it was their daughter, or if a random man snogged them. Gazza also has a track record of abusing women. But he's a football legend, so he can do what he likes.

Being a football fan fucking sucks if you're not a straight white man.

Timeywimey10 · 18/10/2019 11:43

I’d have slapped him. But then I wonder whether he would have tried to have me done for assault

Me too. But as you say, no doubt we'd have been the ones in court then.

I read a horrible statistic the other day that 84% of women in UK jails are not there because of violent crime. So why on earth are they there? But it makes me think if I slapped someone for kissing me, I'd find myself in jail!

PhilSwagielka · 18/10/2019 11:43

Tricia, it goes both ways. If I cop off with someone in a club, it's consensual generally. One exception: there was one time when a guy kept shoving his fingers into me, even when I told him to stop because he was hurting me, and he only backed off when a male friend told him to leave me alone. I never reported it.

I guess any woman who gets attacked or unwanted advances from a footballer is just a money grabbing whore to you?

Orangecake123 · 18/10/2019 11:44

I hope there's a retrial.

His excuse is a disgrace.

messolini9 · 18/10/2019 11:47

He somehow successfully argued that as the woman was a "fat lass" there was no sexual desire in his action

WHAT?
Since when is the decision about what constitutes assault dependent on the thought-processes of the assulter?
Or defined by the body shape of the assaulted FFS?

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2019 11:49

Yep. They should think themselves lucky anyone wants to sexually assault them.

Tableclothing · 18/10/2019 11:49

I’d have slapped him. But then I wonder whether he would have tried to have me done for assault?

I doubt it. I think he'd respond much more "directly".

www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2384739/amp/Paul-Gascoigne-Frail-Gazza-fined-drunken-assault-attack-ex-wife-Sheryl-DROPPED.html

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2019 12:01

And you very well might not have slapped him. People often react in ways that surprise themselves.

Stickyuptail · 18/10/2019 12:05

gingersausage I think SimonJT was saying that it was the wrong verdict and one which is likely to discourage women from reporting incidents in the future. If that is correct then I agree totally.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2019 12:06

I was just looking for Angela Barnes talking about this but can’t find it. She says that we do women a disservice with the “I would have slapped him” response because by extrapolation that means you/she should ha e slapped him. Barnes says that she thought she would be a “Kick him in the balls” person- but when she actually was assaulted she froze. And it took her a long time to reconcile herself to that and absolve herself of the guilt she felt. So we do need to be careful.

BradTomby · 18/10/2019 12:09

I hope there's a retrial.

There can't be he was acquitted by a jury. The only way there could be a retrial is if significant new evidence came to light. Which I doubt will happen.

I'm absolutely disgusted with the verdict myself.

NearlyGranny · 18/10/2019 12:10

I think she would have been prosecution-proof if she had slapped his face in a shocked, knee-jerk, self-defence response.

PG seems ghastly, like a man child in arrested development or an adolescent whose friends dared him to 'kiss that fat slag' while they jeered and sniggered.

Women are still being treated like interlopers in a public world seen as male space where they are fair game for this outrageous behaviour.

ScreamingValenta · 18/10/2019 12:22

How many times have you been kissed on a night out for example? The person never asks for consent in the middle of the dance floor

Context is very relevant here. If you are out on a date with someone or have accepted an invitation to dance, you have some acquaintance with that person and have shown interest in them. That's not to say you have given the person a licence to snog you whether you like it or not, but there is at least some reason for the person to think their attentions might not be unwelcome.

That is totally different from being on public transport with a complete stranger - in that case, the person has no grounds whatsoever to think you would welcome a kiss.

Swipe left for the next trending thread