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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry that it's now ok to sexually assault overweight women?

214 replies

WithTwoGiantBoys · 18/10/2019 07:09

Today Paul Gasgoine was cleared of sexual assault after he admitted forcefully and sloppily kissing a complete stranger on the lips. He somehow successfully argued that as the woman was a "fat lass" there was no sexual desire in his action, he was just cheering her up after some other prat had commented on her weight. I an FURIOUS that this decision erodes women's bodily autonomy, nobody should have to put up with a drunk man's attempted pity snog just because she is overweight.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-50068077

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/10/2019 09:49

It's bloody disgusting!

I was furious when I hear the verdict.

I feel ashamed of my fellow Geordies delivering a decision like this. Misogyny is alive and well and living in Newcastle.

Notodontidae · 18/10/2019 09:50

It appears to be a mountain made out of a molehill, if anything he should have been charged with drunk and disorderly. I am not a great person for hugs, thou many people are, and the amount that people are tactile by seems to be wooly. An apology if you have been offended would have been the best way forward. Sometimes people are so full of Euphoria, because of an event, such as being cleared of cancer, or becoming a parent etc, that they momentarily forget inhibitions and break the hidden rules of someones personal airspace

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/10/2019 09:51

Why the fuck do some men think that being fat equals being desperate? And that a 'fat lass' should be grateful?

Damn right!

twofingerstoEverything · 18/10/2019 09:52

someones personal airspace Hmm

A slobbering kiss on the lips, let's remember.

DishingOutDone · 18/10/2019 09:53

Why the fuck do some men think that being fat equals being desperate? And that a 'fat lass' should be grateful? It's hardly surprising though is it when you read some of the comments on here from women directed at women fatter than them. - I did wonder when I read the OP if people were going to pop on with weight loss tips like "I'm not saying what he did was right but if she ate less and moved more ....." Hmm

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/10/2019 09:53

Yeah, we fucking love drunken twats up here in the North and hero worship their every action...

Absolutely - there's nothing we Geordie lasses like better than being groped and slavered on by an ugly, stinking-drunk, entitled has-been . . .

Angry
DishingOutDone · 18/10/2019 09:55

Notodontidae what a peach of a comment; you reckon he did it because he was having a euphoric moment?! Wow.

JulieRat · 18/10/2019 10:05

Yet again I've heard details of a case in the news over the past few days, thought "bleurgh what a twat" and assumed he'd be convicted. And then the news that he's been cleared Angry. Happens again and again. That poor woman, I hope she knows how many people are on her side.

SolitudeAtAltitude · 18/10/2019 10:09

it is such a blatantly sexist, fat-ist decision

I heard the verdict and thought WTF?!

what is going on!

JulieRat · 18/10/2019 10:09

Hmm, well I've felt euphoric about various things in the past, yet somehow I've managed not to grab a stranger and slobber all over their face because of it.

It should have been seen as sexual assault and his defence just makes it worse.

IncrediblySadToo · 18/10/2019 10:11

The poor bloke HAS been punished!!

She is on record as having said she had no idea who he was

That’ll cut deep!

I was a teenager ‘in the day’ doing my fair share of shouting, and I’d still recognise him, but I wouldn’t welcome a ‘peck on the cheek’ and feel fairly 🤮at the thought of a sloppy kiss - even with his teeth in!!

It must have been very surprising & deeply unpleasant for the poor woman - irrespective of his intent. But to hear he only did it because she’d been insulted and he thought he’d cheer the fat lass’ up is really insulting.

There’s no way I’d have taken it to court though.

Stickyuptail · 18/10/2019 10:13

YANBU
And it doesn’t make any difference whatsoever whether the kiss was from a beautiful looking man or Shrek. It’s not OK. Should have been an assault verdict 😡

Tableclothing · 18/10/2019 10:14

I feel ashamed of my fellow Geordies delivering a decision like this. Misogyny is alive and well and living in Newcastle.

It wasn't Geordies, it was Smoggies. And misogyny is everywhere.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/10/2019 10:17

It wasn't Geordies, it was Smoggies.

I wholeheartedly apologise, Table

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/10/2019 10:18

Stickyuptail

Spot on!

No man has the right to behave like this to any woman.

Tableclothing · 18/10/2019 10:22

Accepted, Schadenfreude Smile

ShippingNews · 18/10/2019 10:23

Jeeze Louise - now I've heard everything.

AngelsSins · 18/10/2019 10:23

It always seems to come down to the man’s intent, rather than what actually happens to the victim. I mean take that case recently where an elderly vulnerable woman was sexually assaulted in a care home by a man who worked there, he actually touched her vulva and humiliated her, but he was let off with sexual assault because he’s gay and got to keep his job.

So what women are put through doesn’t matter, they’re only victims of sexual assault if the attacker says so.

Idontwanttotalk · 18/10/2019 10:23

I was disgusted but not shocked by the decision. What a shame for the woman and for other women who may be deterred from reporting sexual assaults in the future.

I was on a jury in 2008 where an 11 year old girl's mum's boyfriend (age 19) was being shown his new car. The girl told of how he put his hands down his trousers and "wanked himself off" while sat at the side of her in the car.

I can't remember what the actual charge was but the result was a mis-trial because a majority verdict couldn't be reached.

I was shocked and appalled that it was actually older women in their 60s on the jury who were saying things like "she must have led him on" or " she probably fancied him" and "she knows the word so she must know all about it". I couldn't believe their attitudes.

Their idea of reaching a majority verdict was to gang up on those who disagreed and slag off the girl (who'd given video evidence) and they wanted a quick result "so we can all go home". Thankfully 3 of us didn't allow ourselves to give in (this lady's not for turning Grin) so at least there was a chance of justice prevailing with a new trial.

I don't know whether we need professional jurors with a certain level of education because if you allow anyone including scum on a jury then what can we expect from them?

SimonJT · 18/10/2019 10:28

Yet another thing that confirms that the best action is not to report sexual assault.

Not only is it the wrong verdict, but it tells other scumbags that the behaviour is okay.

Becca19962014 · 18/10/2019 10:29

It's been ok for decades.

I was sexually assaulted, twice severely, went to court and both times the men said there was no way they'd risk prison for something so serious on something so fat and disgusting and it was just fantasies. Both found not guilty. One of those men is still free and I'm sure still "only assaulting the fat, ugly ones because no one will ever believe them". The other was prosecuted under historical abuse investigations not for what happened to me but others. I had someone (a woman) ask me how I felt knowing if only I was thinner and prettier he would have lost his position of responsibility and those women been saved. I won't repeat what I said.

That was the late 80s.

More recently assaulted by a patient in hospital (mental health ward) that was ok because of his severe illness and being incapable of learning not to assault women. I was the only one assaulted over the entire time I was there (several weeks) and, he was the only man except a few make staff apparently, so many other women he did not assault, when pointed out to them I was told that wasn't the point. None of them were disgusting though, guess that was why.

So, nope, no surprised at all.

Becca19962014 · 18/10/2019 10:30

Sorry for poor grammar in second to last paragraph, I got carried away with commas! Basically he didn't assault any of the other women there.

powershowerforanhour · 18/10/2019 10:30

Yuck. Would he have done it to a man? No. Apparently the jury were shown photos of him kissing Russell Brand etc but there is a big difference between mwah mwah sleb luvvies kissing each other on the cheeks when they are both standing in open space and can move away and there is equal "power". In half of the photos I could find, the male slebs are kissing him. Also, in all bar the Ally McCoist goal celebration photo, the kisses are so well back on the cheek they're practically on their ears.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 18/10/2019 10:36

Great. I will look forward to being kissed on the train by anyone who things I need cheered up due to my resting bitch face.

Michelleoftheresistance · 18/10/2019 10:37

Had she been slim and whatever 'attractive' means, some blame probably would have been attached to her for 'signalling' and other such crap that gets constantly wheeled out to excuse a man committing assault.

If she'd thumped him to get him off her, he probably could have successfully done him for assault.

The UK is a bloody awful place to be female at the moment.