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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that life isn’t a fair playing field

151 replies

Thetruth02 · 17/10/2019 22:06

I know al going to get flamed for this so have name changed. But... I see more and more threads that say “why can other kids go to private school and I can’t afford it” it’s not fair or “someone gets paid a shit load of money but doesn’t seem to work that hard” it’s not fair.

Yes - it may not seem fair - but that’s how life Is. To be clear I’m not talking about things like equal pay, or discrimination here, but the fact is life isn’t fair - karma isn’t a thing - and sometimes you do need to accept that you cannot have what someone else does.

OP posts:
madeyemoodysmum · 17/10/2019 22:10

I agree to a point but it’s things like huge corporations not paying decent tax etc that really gets my goat

Original poster
Thetruth02 · 17/10/2019 22:13

@madeyemoodysmum I sort of agree - but again it’s a scale thing really. The smal business will still try and avoid paying whatever tax they can - whether it’s being careful with expenses etc / larger companies just do it at a bigger scale with better accountants.

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SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 17/10/2019 22:18

People all over the world are exploited even killed by those who profit from it. Institutions like private schools provide in many cases higher quality education and wildy greater life chances. This is unfair and is something to be addressed at a structural level, not tolerated.

hazell42 · 17/10/2019 22:20

But with that attitude nothing changes.
Do we just accept forever that some people are haves and some are have nots?
Should us poor folk just learn to tug our forelocks when the quality passes by?
Dont think so.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 17/10/2019 22:23

Isn't objecting to large multinationals avoiding tax is about injustice rather than fairness? Because it's something the system could fix but doesn't.

I've always told my DC that life isn't fair. We can go to sleep in a safe, peaceful part of the world knowing we won't be dragged out of our beds by the secret police. We're so lucky.

timshelthechoice · 17/10/2019 22:23

Sounds like a cop out to me, 'Oh, well, life isn't a fair playing field' so then take no responsibility for its being shit. Nah, YABU.

fikel · 17/10/2019 22:24

In terms of education it should be a level playing field for all children

Justajot · 17/10/2019 22:26

You are right that life is inherently unfair. People broadly fit into two categories - those who work in some way to make life a bit fairer and those who are happy to be on the right side of unfair and embrace it. I'd like to think I'm one of the former, though I have lived in a bubble for so long that I don't fully understand the depths of that inequality.

Original poster
Thetruth02 · 17/10/2019 22:27

How can education ever be a fair playing field? Even if all schools were state -
Some would still have better teachers, by dint of where they are they would have better “Connected” pupils etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thetruth02 · 17/10/2019 22:33

@Justajot interesting. I like to think I fall into tj r latter (though appreciate my post probably doesn’t come across like that). I went to a standard school (catholic local school), didn’t go to uni, but have, I admit done well.

Dh from a council estate - again no uni bit has done well.

OP posts:
ssd · 17/10/2019 22:36

Life isn't fair. Good things happen to bad people. Karma is a load of rubbish.

Try and be grateful for what you have and don't let resentment /hurt/anger eat you alive.

TrainspottingWelsh · 17/10/2019 22:44

There's lots of changes that imo need to be made urgently on a national level to stop/ reduce many inequalities.

However regarding individuals popping up to moan eg it isn't fair they can't stretch to private for their otherwise privileged dc, then yes you have a point. I don't go round banging on that it's unfair that other people had normal upbringings when anyone is discussing their happy childhood/ family

Original poster
Thetruth02 · 18/10/2019 07:48

With my clearer morning head on - yes I think that’s was I mean - individuals claiming it’s unfair that other individuals have x,y or z as opposed to large scale inequalities.

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LolaSmiles · 18/10/2019 07:53

There's a lot of structural inequalities that need resolving and that takes time. Equally life can deal some horrible cards to people and that will affect them.

However, I can't stand the attitude of "it's not fair and I'll use unfairness to justify poor attitude, not bothering etc". The lack of personal responsibility to even remotely strive to make a situation better because someone has a permanent chip on their shoulder isn't a good mindset.

BroomstickOfLove · 18/10/2019 07:57

Well no, life isn't fair, but one of the perfectly natural results of that is that the unluckier, less advantaged people will feel some level of resentment towards the luckier ones. If you are prepared to accept the inequality, you should also accept the consequences.

HiiiPaigehere · 18/10/2019 08:02

It's funny I was having this argument with someone at work yesterday. She is a band 8a clinical psychologist, I am a band 3 ward clerk. I'm trying to get somewhere designated for the cleaning staff to have their breaks, as they currently sit on stools in their cleaning cupboards.
She says that they chose that life and applied for those jobs, knowing that it would be physically hard and they wouldn't get a break as they work split shifts. She completely failed to notice that 90% of the cleaning staff are non EU nationals, a lot are from Africa and some have no formal education. It's very difficult to raise yourself out of your situation when you don't have access to education. It would also be difficult to access education in the U.K. when you work every morning 7-1 and then every evening 4-9!
My favourite cleaning lady lives in a one bedroom flat two bus rides from where we both work. She's worked here for ten years but can't progress as she's illiterate. I wish my colleague could see that things just aren't fair.

EmeraldShamrock · 18/10/2019 08:09

Life would be pretty boring if it was.
There will always be someone with more or less than you.
A persons personality or values shouldn't be measured by their wallet.
Comparison truly is the thief of joy. It works both ways people look down and up to others depending on their job their home, it is a learnt reaction.

EmeraldShamrock · 18/10/2019 08:11

@HiiiPaigehere your colleague is an educated monster. I pity her clients with her lack of empathy.

Original poster
Thetruth02 · 18/10/2019 08:11

@BroomstickOfLove well quite - we’ve seen the consequences of inequalities and unfairness throughout history - it’s what wars and revolutions are made of.

However I’m talking on a more individual level “it’s not fair that x has a new car and I don’t”, “it’s not fair that y has a council flat for life while I struggle to pay private rent” (see it goes both ways).

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StCharlotte · 18/10/2019 08:12

I disagree in principle but in reality I agree. Because we are not a textbook communist country (and I hasten to add nowhere ever was because, you know, human nature).

tumbleisatwat · 18/10/2019 08:15

Life isn't fair.

However, we should be trying to make things more fair - for our children at least.

Fairer societies consistently have a higher quality of life- for everyone not just the poorer people.

Life was even less fair 150 years ago. Some people back them argued that 'the poor will always be with us' and that educating people 'beyond their station' would only lead to misery and social unrest.

Just as well plenty of people disagreed then. I still think we have a long way to go.

Original poster
Thetruth02 · 18/10/2019 08:15

@HiiiPaigehere that’s fucking awful. Your colleague is an arsehole (and as an aside why can’t the cleaning staff eat wherever other staff get to eat).?

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user1493413286 · 18/10/2019 08:16

I agree that life isn’t fair but I don’t think it’s good enough to just shrug your shoulders and say oh well that’s how it is. How would we ever change things if everyone though that way? Women wouldn’t have got the vote, more resources wouldn’t go where they need to and people would just stay in poverty. Feeling things are unjust are the motivations for change whether personal or on a higher level

tumbleisatwat · 18/10/2019 08:16

Life isn't fair.

However, we should be trying to make things more fair - for our children at least.

Fairer societies consistently have a higher quality of life- for everyone not just the poorer people.

Life was even less fair 150 years ago. Some people back them argued that 'the poor will always be with us' and that educating people 'beyond their station' would only lead to misery and social unrest.

Just as well plenty of people disagreed then. I still think we have a long way to go.

Original poster
Thetruth02 · 18/10/2019 08:19

@tumbleisatwat I’m not sure people as individuals are in anyway interested in making life more fair for all children.

Just take a look at these boards - tutoring, moving to be within a great catchment area, not wanting their children to go to certain nursery’s due to demographics etc. That’s giving advantage to their own children - not offering a level playing field for all.

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