To say that life isn’t a fair playing field

[Thetruth02]

I know al going to get flamed for this so have name changed. But... I see more and more threads that say “why can other kids go to private school and I can’t afford it” it’s not fair or “someone gets paid a shit load of money but doesn’t seem to work that hard” it’s not fair.

Yes - it may not seem fair - but that’s how life Is. To be clear I’m not talking about things like equal pay, or discrimination here, but the fact is life isn’t fair - karma isn’t a thing - and sometimes you do need to accept that you cannot have what someone else does.

@AlphaBravoCharlieDelta but everyone doesn't get FA in the nhs. Where I work we offer a frankly amazing service to everyone, regardless of background. Tonight we are cooking a roast dinner and going to the cinema with the service users on my ward. Most have never worked. Some have come from the care system, abusive households, have suffered sexual abuse, have been long term drug abusers. We offer rehabilitation, psychology, activities, access to education, benefits advice, housing help. Today we had a bingo group and breadmaking class. You couldn't pay for a better mental health service.
Our trust manages money well, values staff (apart from cleaners ) and provides further training and support for everyone who works in our hospital.
I think the NHS is a great example of fairness in practice. And I would die fighting for it to be protected.

The problem is with state provision

Guess we better ditch it and end up with a healthcare system like the American one then? Great healthcare for those who can afford it, and fuck everyone else.

You’re not wrong, but are we not allowed a moan every so often?!

@SinkGirl exactly. There's a guy I know of who costs the NHS about £150,000 per year in care costs. He's severely brain damaged and comes from the care system. Who pays for him if we go over to the US way?

Life isn't fair, but that doesn't mean we should stop trying to iron out structural inequalities.

Imo, all children should be able to get an education as good as that offered by the best private schools, everyone should have access to the best possible healthcare and so on. But achieving that would mean taxing the rich, and even the comfortably off more to pay for it.

Understandably, most of them won't vote for that.

I sometimes think that fairness, rights and justice are very elaborate constructs that don't sit very well with us because we're an animal species.

But some animal species (elephants and bonobos spring to mind) show altruistic behaviour.

I think there’s a baseline of opportunity, wealth and welfare below which we shouldn’t allow people to sink. But life isn’t and never will be fair

We all would like life to be fair and at a high level a government should set policies and priorities to improve fairness to all.

However at an individual level most of us make decisions to improve our own circumstances or those of our children even if that may be at the indirect expense of others.

Is it not this contradiction that makes progress towards a more level playing field in life more difficult.

Eg I know people who are angry at companies who minimise their tax bills but will do anything (including bending the rules) to minimise their own.

Of course life is not fair but sometimes it's not as unfair as some people believe it to be.

Some people assume too quickly though that all those who are slim are so because of luck rather than working hard to be so, same with jobs, money etc...

@swingofthings so how about a person with a learning disability? They will probably never earn as much as a doctor but they should have enough to be able to live on. That's the least that our state should provide. It's so unfair that people are going to food banks and some earn more than they will ever be able to spend!

It's so unfair that people are going to food banks and some earn more than they will ever be able to spend!

Yes it is unfair but those with more money than they’ll ever be able to spend aren’t at fault here (well except for the tax avoidance if that’s what you’re getting at).

My point is that the state could not mean my needs, it cannot meet my son’s needs

Yes it could, if it were properly funded, which is possible. How much money have we flushed away on Brexit? There is money.

I’ve just been to look round a specialist ASD early years unit that has six children per class for my twins. If the council agree, it will be funded by them via their EHCP. So they absolutely can provide what your child needs and we should be fighting for them to do so, because while your DS is okay because you can afford it, most other kids in your child’s position won’t be. And as a parent of a child with SEN, that should bother you and shouldn’t be something we accept.

@HiiiPaigehere you misunderstood my post.

I'm not saying that everyone has the same chances, they don't. Life is unfair but it doesn't mean that anyone who does well has done so through luck only.

@SinkGirl I think you are admirable - and don’t want to comment too much as don’t know enough about this sort of situation. However I can also see @AlphaBravoCharlieDelta point.

If she were in your area - and were vying for a space in the same unit - with only 6 spaces per class, surely it’s preferable that she’s instead going for a private provision and leaving that space there for your twins? While ideally there would be provision for all, there isn’t.

Yes money has been wasted on Brexit - but that has happened- it’s all good saying that there should Be provision but there isn’t. And shit as that is, it’s going to leave an amount of unfairness.

Vulpine I agree with you ! it was just one of those phrases trotted out by DM every time I moaned "So and So has more "! .I think in a perfect world there should be much more fairness ,as I said in my post .It is hard to bring real change about when so many of the top positions are held by well educated white men who dont want change)!

Like I say, I’m not saying anyone shouldn’t go private. I’m saying that our government and local authorities have a responsibility to fund appropriate education for every child. PP said that her only option was to go private because there’s no provision - my point was that shouldn’t be anyone’s only option because for many it’s way beyond reach, and I know what happens to those parents who can’t access appropriate education for their disabled children and it’s horrific.

There should be an appropriate state placement for every child, including enough specialist places. LAs need to be held to account for not providing them. Saying “yeah but life’s not fair” is not an adequate response.

Likewise if you have cancer, the NHS should treat me in an appropriate time scale. You shouldn’t have to go private to access that level of care. I’m not criticising those who choose to, that’s a different thing entirely.

I am also saying that I can’t comprehend people who’ve had to pay to go private for basic services continually voting in a government who prevents others from accessing the things they need because they can’t afford it. If I start paying for private SALT, it’s even more important to me that whoever I vote for ensures that other families who have less than us can access the support they need on the state, because I understand what happens when you can’t.

Sorry but we can sit around all day and talk about what “should” be happening. My son is being disadvantaged right now and making him suffer more than necessary because of some bizarre concept of social justice that dictates everyone has to suffer equally is ludicrous.

Where have I said that you shouldn’t pursue private options for your son? I’ve said the opposite in fact.

This post was about whether we should accept that life isn’t fair.

It is absolutely not fair that you are forced to pay for private school and assessment for your son. It’s not okay. It’s not okay that others without your means would just have to watch their child struggle without any help and fail at school. I would take a bullet for my children, of course I would do whatever I could for them and there’s nothing wrong with that.

What is wrong is accepting that this is the way things have to be, and stating that state funded services can’t work, and saying that poorer children just won’t ever have access to what they need. We need to do better as a society, whether one can personally afford the the best for their child or not.

Wow. Supposed privilege? I don’t think you understand what it means. It does not mean bad things never happen to you. How can you even attempt to deny it when you’re managing to pay for very expensive and essential things that most people in your situation couldn’t afford? What would happen to your child if you couldn’t afford it?

Given what you’ve experienced I find your attitude hideous.

I’m going to leave it there before I say something I regret.

'Fairness, rights and justice' are what makes us human and elevate us from being animals.

I disagree that we should tolerate unfairness. What you are really saying is that there are class divisions and rich and poor and that is how it is and will be. That's a right wing Tory perspective.

Life isn’t fair, it never will be. It still wouldn’t be fair if we all had the same regardless of effort put in obtaining said things.

We all have access to education as children and what we do with it as adults is down to us. Our lives are dictated in the main by choices we make and the effort we put in.