Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave the children at home while they’re napping?

453 replies

ParkLife123 · 17/10/2019 16:43

Please hear me out.

House has a driveway outside, and then the street. On the other side of the street is a playground which my DS aged 4 loves. We go out there to play as often as we can but usually all four of us (me, DS, his younger brother aged 2, and newest addition our 5 month old baby).

I’m considering, in order to be able to spend a little quality 1:1 time with DS, taking him occasionally across the street while the other two nap. House is alarmed. I have baby monitors looking into their cots - the two year old cannot get out of his cot yet and in any case there’s also a baby gate at the door.

But really any sign of movement or noise from either of them and I get an alert on my phone.

The time it takes to get back home from the playground realistically is around 1 minute.

Is this a terrible idea? I’ve thought about the risks of them choking or something but also think that I would be able to get back home in the same time as it would take me to get to them if I was for example in the shower!

Does it sound fine or is it a risk no one else would take?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
raspberryk · 18/10/2019 08:30

Having seen that picture is that even a road ? It sounded different they way you described it, but I still don't see why you can't just take all 3 there and use the map times for things you can't concentrate on when they're awake.
Tbh I'd allow my 4 almost 5yo play there alone with supervision and with her older brother without. It's no different to your back garden there I think it's practically IN your front garden.

nespressowoo · 18/10/2019 08:46

Absolutely ridiculous. You must've known you'd get this response?!

SuperMumTum · 18/10/2019 09:02

This is crazy. The levels of anxiety over leaving 2 babies safe asleep in their own beds is beyond bonkers. Some of you should speak to your mothers and grandmothers who didn't have apps, breathing monitors and alarms and still managed to keep their kids alive without being reported to the authorities. It's threads like this that make me wonder if I'm living in a parallel universe.

OP has already said she isn't going to do it but I would have done it in that scenario and I never used a monitor for my second baby at all. I would just pop over to the park, let my eldest have 10 mins on the swing or whatever, probably leave a window open at the front so I could hear if he made much noise and not think twice. I wouldn't stay out for long or go any further because I am capable of weighing up the risks and making a sensible decision but I never hovered over my sleeping kids after they were about 6 weeks old.

Ifyousayso2019 · 18/10/2019 09:04

I don't understand people pearl clutching about the road!
OP lives on a Cul de Sac, the chances of there being speeding traffic are non existent. And even if her house was on fire, she's not going to suddenly ignore her ability to use her EYES and EARS and dart uncontrollably across the road without checking if a car is hurtling towards her. If that's a risk for some of you then it says more about you than the OP, and I would suggest you spend more time working on how to react in a flight fight scenario and less time standing over the Moses baskets of your sleeping babies

ThatMuppetShow · 18/10/2019 09:14

Would she feel the need to lie about where she was to the emergency services? If so, you've got your answer.

Would I feel the need to lie? Why on earth would I? Of course not.

Do I feel scared that social services will barge in and remove my baby because I went to put the laundry away at the end of the garden, had a chat outside, or took a shower whilst the baby was asleep? ahem.. no. That's just normal.

You do realise that guidelines vary completely from country to country? So educate yourself, common sense, but chill.

Would it be reasonable to call social services because parents take a baby on the beach in the middle of a hot day, put a towel on a buggy, etc? That is unsafe and unnecessary.

INeedNewShoes · 18/10/2019 09:16

leave a window open at the front so I could hear if he made much noise and not think twice

In my view it's not a baby crying that is the most worrying issue. When DD was a baby, if she started crying while I was in the shower I'd actually think 'oh good, now I know she's ok!'

ChilledBee · 18/10/2019 09:16

The risk for me would be something happening in the park which would mean I could neither feasibly leave or take the 4 year old to attend to the others in a timely fashion. I think it is feasible that you could reliably plan to do this at nap time because some children are really in a solid and predictable routine but it would be the chances of something happening in the park that would swing it for me.

And not even the first time. The first (few) time(s) would go swimmingly for me just to give me a false sense of reassurance. Then disaster would strike.

ThatMuppetShow · 18/10/2019 09:19

The risk for me would be something happening in the park which would mean I could neither feasibly leave or take the 4 year old to attend to the others in a timely fashion.

Whatever I personally think, THAT is a very valid and reasonable point.

Some posters should take note, it is possible to have various opinions without going completely bonkers.

turfsausage · 18/10/2019 09:19

Assuming your set up is like your photos, i would definitely do it. It's pretty much your front garden! When you do get knocked down on the road with no cars, your 4 year old will be able to let someone know which house is yours.

Whattodoabout · 18/10/2019 09:21

Daft idea. The two year old doesn’t know how to climb out of his cot yet, it only takes that one time...

Can they not nap in a pushchair?

user1480880826 · 18/10/2019 09:21

Have you tested that you have phone signal and that the system actually works as expected? I can’t really see the problem if it all works as expected.

Original poster
ParkLife123 · 18/10/2019 09:25

Thanks so much for all the really helpful replies. As I’ve said numerous times on this thread, I won’t do it. But that is certainly not because of the bonkers hysterical people calling my parenting style “lax”. I’ve managed to bring and keep three children into this word and they’re all pretty amazing in their own way so I think I’m doing alright as a parent, thanks!

It’s the reasoned, sensible responses that have made me think twice. Plenty of things I can do with my LO while his siblings have their naps. And I’ll save the trips across the “street” for when they’re all awake!

OP posts:
ChilledBee · 18/10/2019 09:30

As one of the random and weird things that could happen to mean you couldn't leave the park - one of my earliest memories was going to visit a friend of my Godmother with her somewhere in Surrey or Kent but far enough that it felt nothing like London. We were in this park and it had amazing apparatus that I'd only seen on an adventure course rather than a local park. It was a big expanse of green with a river or canal running through it and I remember it did have fences but I get the feeling it wasn't somewhere that was able to be completely locked at night.

Anyway, the police and park wardens started coming round in cars/buggies and had loudspeakers saying that nobody could leave the park and we should gather or something. Basically, a body had just been found and looking back it seems they must have thought it had just happened or been put there. Or maybe they wanted us to leave via an exit that wouldn't compromise the crime scene. Either way, we were stood around for long enough for both me and my godmother to need to wee in the bushes!
I was about 4 or 5. I confirmed this with my Godmother a few years ago because I wasn't sure if I dreamt it.

foreverblessedbee · 18/10/2019 09:30

No . No. No. No. Just No. Your children are tiny. I look ar your rationale and your reasoning but it is dangerous thinking. You are trying to justify something which in your heart you know is the wrong choice

Could you possibly forgive yourself if one of your younger children was hurt or injured or died and you were not with them at the time?

ThatMuppetShow · 18/10/2019 10:32

Could you possibly forgive yourself if one of your younger children was hurt or injured or died and you were not with them at the time?

Could you possibly forgive yourself is one of your younger children was hurt by a car when you could have left him safely in his cot instead?
And let's not even start on the risk of a meteorite falling on his dead! What are people thinking, taking the kids outside.

Abouttimemum · 18/10/2019 10:35

Off topic OP but i wish my baby napped for long enough to consider this 😂 by the time I’d get my shoes in he’d be awake 😭

Tartsamazeballs · 18/10/2019 10:41

Very similar set up here. I do take my nearly 3 year old out front to play whilst the baby sleeps. He's got a monitor that I turn up full volume and the smoke alarm is linked to my phone... He's fine.

Original poster
ParkLife123 · 18/10/2019 12:34

@Abouttimemum I feel for you! And hope it gets better! My younger two are amazing with napping. It was my oldest DS who was the five minute napper!

OP posts:
Graphista · 18/10/2019 12:53

“Graphista
You didn't ever nip to the loo when baby was asleep? Sorry, don't believe that!“

Nope! I’ve a pretty steel bladder particularly after years of nursing was never a problem waiting.

Dd slept/napped in Moses or carry cot until 6/7 months, if I wanted to go in a different room eg kitchen to empty washing machine I simply took her with me it didn’t wake her, and I did same with other babies too. Bathroom was too small for this so I waited until they were awake to wee. Didn’t find it difficult at all.

Showers I was luckily still with ex at that point so I showered when he was home, meant I could properly relax and take my time, sometimes I even had a long hot bath.

“Following guidelines is not a symptom of anxiety, it's simply best practice. It's not recommended for the fun of it, it saves lives.” This

“Of you've followed all the guidance and your baby still dies it must be absolutely heartbreaking, but at least you'd know you'd done all you could” and this too

Being in the same room as sleeping baby is NOT necessarily watching their every breath but just being aware and tuned into them, no reason why you can’t be doing things either. I used to do ironing or matching socks or a bit of reading or sewing while dd napped. I wasn’t obsessively watching every breath!

When it was other people’s children the older ones we’d do a quiet activity more suited to their age, so some colouring, I’d read to them etc and they were mostly very good at understanding to be a bit quieter and calmer while baby napped, some would nap themselves at this point if they still took naps of course.

I was just following the sensible well researched guidelines, it really wasn’t difficult at all.

ASundayWellSpent · 18/10/2019 12:58

Apart from what if something happened to them, what if something happened to you?? What if you were unable to return home or alert anyone to the children in the house? Definitely not worth the risk. Have one on one time reading stories, playing in the garden if you have one or doing craft activities whatever but this idea of leaving the house is dangerous

RolytheRhino · 18/10/2019 13:01

Some of you should speak to your mothers and grandmothers who didn't have apps, breathing monitors and alarms and still managed to keep their kids alive without being reported to the authorities

My grandmother lost a couple of babies early on and would advise me to follow the guidelines, because she worked in antenatal care. They simply didn't know what was safest back then and many women would've actually known someone who lost a baby to SIDS because it was that much more common in those days.

raspberryk · 18/10/2019 13:03

Some sanctimonious shit from @Graphista there, thanks for that.

I know I used to wait for the baby to sleep to run off to pee. My laundry was up on the third floor, and washing line in the garden so no way I could have carted a moses basket and the washing up and down two flights of stairs and into the garden it just isn't sensible.

I carried out my own risk assessments, I breastfed, didn't smoke etc etc and decided it was safer that my baby was asleep in a crib in another room while I got on with things. I had no one to watch my kids when I showered so that was also while they were asleep.

I think it is going too far to be in the same room as the baby every second of the day.

RolytheRhino · 18/10/2019 13:05

Would I feel the need to lie? Why on earth would I? Of course not.

Fair enough, and yes, OP probably wouldn't be prosecuted if, as in my scenario, her baby had died because the courts are not that heartless. But I think you'd find a legal difference between being in your garden and being actually off the property in the event something did happen.

Squirrelplay · 18/10/2019 13:10

Gosh it's clear why childhood mental health issues are on the rise when children are being raised by mothers with such extreme anxiety...

Some of you really should consider getting some medical help, the level of hysteria on this thread is not normal. As for the poster who wouldn't even go to the TOILET while the babies slept - Christ on a bike! Shock

RolytheRhino · 18/10/2019 13:19

Gosh it's clear why childhood mental health issues are on the rise when children are being raised by mothers with such extreme anxiety...

🙄

Yes, that's entirely it. People following the guidelines issued by the NHS are clearly causing the current mental health crisis. We should all ignore them because, after all, we know better than guidelines informed by decades of research by trained professionals. Thanks for clearing that up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread