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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider an abortion ?????????????????????

118 replies

isitwrong · 15/08/2007 08:11

i have just found out that i am pregnant i already have 3 dc and i really dont know what to do. My dp and i have thought about the options and considered abortion is it wrong or would i be hated forever???? i have changed my name for this!!!

OP posts:
lizziemun · 15/08/2007 08:14

I can't answer as to whether it right or wrong as i have never been in your situation, but i would suggest that you go and speak to your doctor about how you feel.

Original poster
isitwrong · 15/08/2007 08:16

yes i'm planning to do that today. i dont want to feel guilty and i dont want to seem ungrateful but my youngest child is only 16 months old. it doesn't seem like it woild be fair to keep it knowing i have 3 other children that adore my attention.

OP posts:
Sexonlegs · 15/08/2007 08:17

You have to do whatever is right for you and your family. I don't think it is clear cut as right or wrong. I assume they provide counselling and talk through options etc.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

LoveMyGirls · 15/08/2007 08:19

Give yourself a chance you only just found out, you need to do what is right for you and your family. How do oyu feel in your heart?

LadyTophamHatt · 15/08/2007 08:19

I honestly do not think any one of us can make this descision for you.

Original poster
isitwrong · 15/08/2007 08:20

that is something i have no idea about would be nice to hear from someone who has eperienced it or knows someone!!! the guilt panics me.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/08/2007 08:20

Please see a counsellor and discuss your options at length with him/her.

The net really isn't hte place to weigh up such a personal decision.

CantSleepWontSleep · 15/08/2007 08:21

I don't think that getting into a pro/anti abortion discussion is really going to help you at this point is it?

You need to think very hard, talk to your family, and make your own decision.

DollyPopsOut · 15/08/2007 08:23

Agree with other posters - you need to talk to a counsellor face to face to make such a huge decision. Preferably with your DP too.

I wish you all the best whatever decision you come to X

Original poster
isitwrong · 15/08/2007 08:24

sorry i guess i shouldn't have asked on here i know its a hush hush subject but i am so confused. deep down i really shouldnt care what people think but i thought i could hear someone say something to ease my mind.

OP posts:
pooka · 15/08/2007 08:27

Agree wth the other posters. You must get counselling.

Not made this decision personally. I do personally believe that if you have existing children, having an aortion may be quite different emotionally to having one if you haven't had children/don't have a family and so on. I don't think it's something I could do now, though if II'd become pregnant when I was young, single and without financial wherewithal I would have. Now though, my family is set up and I would see an unplanned pregnancy more as something meant to be than an inconvenience. I am sure my dd wasn't best pleased at 2 to have a younger (much wanted) brother arrive, but I think it's something that now she is very pleased about.

dejags · 15/08/2007 08:27

You poor thing.

I don't think any of our opinions count (for what it's worth I am pro-choice, but would never have an abortion myself).

Having said that we now have 3 kids and the thought of having another horrifies me, so I totally understand your dilemma.

I doubt anybody would hate you - the big question though, is will you hate yourself.

It's a totally private matter, nobody will judge you. Just make sure you do what feels right for you.

sparklesandwine · 15/08/2007 08:30

I think you should try and see your gp or a counseller together with your dp and discuss this decision, i don't think it is something which you can discuss on the net the decision is far too personal

my sis had an abbortion a number of years ago when she felt she was too young to bring up a child responsibly the guilt did carry with her for a long time but over the years she has realised that this was the right decision for her at the time, she was younger and didn't have a boyfriend or any other children then but all of us supported her decision at the time and stood by her to get through it. she now has a dh and dc and although she sometimes thinks about it it doesn't consume her

people's emotions are different so do speak to a gp or counseller before hand so that you know you are making the right decision

Original poster
isitwrong · 15/08/2007 08:30

i had a bad pregnancy with dc no 3 and that scares me too i was in and out of hospital like a yoyo. the money side of things isn't so much a problem but its another thing when i will always have to have a 7 seater car, always 2 hotel rooms to book when going on hols, i know these are supid but i guess im trying to cover it all.

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 15/08/2007 08:32

No, its not a hush hush subject at all.

Its very personal one though.

Personally for me, I would never concider an abortion. I would be raked with guilt for the rest of my life and would always wonder what he/she would be like but for the next person, if they felt that an abortion was the best option for them I'd support them all the way.

Its a hugely personal choice IMO.

Baffy · 15/08/2007 08:33

Only you and your dp can make this decision.

People will be here to support you either way, so you must keep posting if you need support.

But I don't think you should let anyone's opinion on here sway you one way or the other. Everyone's opinions are so diverse on this subject.

Take some time. Think it all through. Get some counselling. But all I can say is that I think you need to follow your heart in this one. You just need to work out what your heart truly wants.

Original poster
isitwrong · 15/08/2007 08:36

thats the problem baffy my heart says yes and no to keeping it. btw not very far pregnant but i read that i would still be eligible to take the pill option ,(sounds scary to me though!!!!)

OP posts:
Mindles · 15/08/2007 08:38

I agree with everything everyone has already said, this is a decision only you and your partner can make. That said, I had an abortion a few years ago, so if you want to email me to talk about it you're more than welcome to (halleybop @ hotmail.com).

pooka · 15/08/2007 08:39

I agree completely that it's a very personal decision. Only you can decide what is best for your family and for yourself.

While I said that it's not something I could do, I would defend your right to do it, if that is what you decide, to the nth degree.

Original poster
isitwrong · 15/08/2007 08:43

thank you all for your support, me and dp are talking but its got to be one of the toughest decisions i have ever had to make!!! all i can do is see my gp and see what happens!!!!

OP posts:
SueBaroo · 15/08/2007 08:52

Our number four was a complete surprise and we were reeling, thinking we wouldn't cope. As it happened, the eldest three absolutely loved the whole experience and they dote on their little brother.

Just wanted to throw in our experience in case you were worried that four would be too much

DollyPopsOut · 15/08/2007 10:01

Isitwrong, sorry if I gave the impression that it was taboo to ask about abortion. Of course it isn't - many people on here have had them (inc me) and you must keep talking about it until you feel you have made the right decision for you. I think though that, whilst we in cyber space can be a sounding board, only you and DP can decide what you are going to make happen.

FWIW I had an abortion 7 years ago (pre DH) and the procedure is fine. No pills for me, but surgery done whilst awake and over in about 5 mins. However, as I now have 2 children, I am not sure that I could make the decision again if I were faced with it. However, each to her own and I do know people in RL who have decided that the 3/4 baby was not right for them and acted accordingly.

Hope this helps a bit. Take care X

flightattendant · 15/08/2007 10:32

Oh, Isitwrong, I think unless you have a very good reason not to then this child is probably going to happen!

I'd hate to try and tell you what to do, but I don't think the difference between having three and four children is really going to be that enormous? (Only got two myself so forgive me if I'm way out!)
It strikes me from your posts that your first three are very much loved, and it would seem a bit incongruous to send this little thing packing when you already love three others...I do know how you feel about not having enough energy to give your best to the other kids especially with a difficult pregnancy as you describe, but we all fee that way I think - it's how life is and they won't suffer badly.

Good luck with making your decision, I am theoretically pro choice but have twice considered abortion, and twice kept my babies - and I know in my heart that I could not do it myself.

Congratulations - tentatively - by the way!

flightattendant · 15/08/2007 10:37

I hope that didn't sound to forceful
Sorry if so.

Reallytired · 15/08/2007 10:39

Only you can decide if it is wrong.

It depends on your religious beliefs and when you believe that life begins. I doult you would be hated for ever by other people. There is no reason for other people to ever know.

Its a matter of whether you will be able to live with the guilt.