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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider an abortion ?????????????????????

118 replies

isitwrong · 15/08/2007 08:11

i have just found out that i am pregnant i already have 3 dc and i really dont know what to do. My dp and i have thought about the options and considered abortion is it wrong or would i be hated forever???? i have changed my name for this!!!

OP posts:

bookwormtailmum · 17/08/2007 13:12

Similar here Aliway - my Mum was asked the same by her doctor which she refused on the spot. My nearest sibling is 2.11 months older than me though so a bit closer in age.

eleusis · 17/08/2007 13:23

Rhubarb, I think you didn't get many positive stries submitted because those who had no regrets don't feel the need to share their stories. Extrapolating that there were therefore no positive stories doesn't really follow logically.

Caroline1852 · 17/08/2007 13:35

Eleusis - I was going to make the same point..... you did it better!

OP - You say your children adore your attention. Don't forget that children also benefit from attention from one another and whilst your attention will most certainly be dilluted they will have the joy and attention of another sibling - not to be underestimated in my opinion. (I am one of 4 girls and I have 4 children too - I like big families.)

squiffy · 17/08/2007 14:14

I thought about changing my name and posting, but then I thought it would be a bit silly to hide over this... when DS was 4 months old and even though I was on the mini-pill, I fell PG and had a termination. I'm not proud of it but I have not regretted it to this day. I wasn't ready at the time and had PND. We had DD a couple of years later..

I'm not saying this to deliberately offend anybody nor to stand out as a pro-choicer, but just to provide a counterbalance in response to the other posts about the high proportion of people regretting it. I have no idea what the true statistics are, but in my case the experience hasn't crossed my mind in years.

I apologise if this sounds very callous or shallow to anybody. Now that I am lucky enough to have two DC's and can see how much they love each other, I think I would probably make a different decision if it happened again today (which it won't, that's for sure), but that doesn't mean I think I did the wrong thing last time.

I think the key for the OP is not to judge her decision on any likely probability of regret, but on their own personal gut feeling and situation.

momi07 · 17/08/2007 14:48

Its your choice to get an abortion as you are the one who wouldhave to carry and give birth to the baby. Its your life. Ive only one question to the people who have had unplanned pregnancies, i was just wondering what contraceptive it was that failed? Was it the pill or condoms?

squiffy · 17/08/2007 15:14

momi07 - mini-pill in my case, and I was pretty careful as well. Needless to say these days I heartily recommend the coil to my friends...

Heathcliffscathy · 17/08/2007 15:16

but you can get pregnant on the coil. no method of contraception is failsafe.

momi07 · 17/08/2007 15:23

I was on the combined pill (femodette). Ive been off it a year hoping to get pregnant. Im not trying madly or anything! Its whatever you think is right for yourself as far as abortion is concerned.

divastrop · 17/08/2007 21:05

momi07-for me it was

1)failing to realise that being pissed does not count as contraception.

2)condom

3)MAP...i think i took it too late

4)sort of the same as 1

no.5 was planned.ive never had any problems with the coil.

3andnomore · 17/08/2007 21:17

hm..maybe the last few posts would be better of in their own thread..

meandmy · 17/08/2007 21:18

it is a personall choice that you will have to live with what ever you decide, talk about it with your dp/hv/gp who ever you feel comfortabe talking too make sure you are not presured into something you are not wanting to do either way! sleep as you need sleep to keep you sane

iliketosleep · 18/08/2007 00:16

divastrop is that babies or abortions?

Bubble99 · 18/08/2007 00:22

I think the coil is less effective than the pill, can't remember the stats.

If an embryo implants well away from the coil, in the lining of the uterus, then it is quite possible to have an embryo growing while the coil is insitu.

I've seen a few cases of this in my time.

thebluefoxategreensocks · 18/08/2007 00:34

every life (no matter how young or small) is very precious. Please don't end this young baby's life! As you already have 3 children, I'm sure you will be aware of the very early development during pregnancy and have seen ultrasound images as well. It's not like there's just nothing there for all these weeks when abortion is "allowed". Our children rely on us to protect them (from the very beginning!), so please reconsider your decision. If you're doubting about it now, I think it's likely you will regret it later.

I know I'm not in your cirucumstances, so I don't want anyone to think I'm being hard or judgemental, but I do say, please think about this helpless new life which is depending on you to protect it!

Hugs & best wishes

Bubble99 · 18/08/2007 00:39

'Allowed?'

What do you mean by that?

isitwrong. Make sure you get some advice from a professional advisor.

thebluefoxategreensocks · 18/08/2007 00:43

Bubble99:

allowed = the legal time frame for having an abortion

Bubble99 · 18/08/2007 00:50

Why the inverted commas?

3andnomore · 18/08/2007 00:52

Tachel, sorry in this sort of thread your kind of post is uncalled for.
The op is obviously aware there is more to this then just a few cels...but we have no idea why she and her dp are considering this option.
I have,, n a previous post mentioned that, even though I could not imagine myself having an abortion, right now I would really truely not know what I would do..we have 3 children, youngest being 3....and tbh no I don't want no more children...however, should I fall pg I would not know what I would do...the op mentioned a difficult pregnancy involving hospitalisation, etc...so, a) she is obviously traumatised, and b) worrying about the existing children and the impact on their lifes..and there will be so much more to it!

3andnomore · 18/08/2007 00:53

rachel there is no legal timeframe...Baby's can be aborted even at duedate....I am not advocating this, just know that this is how it is.

Bubble99 · 18/08/2007 00:54

I do agree that strong doubts before an abortion can often lead to later regret.

As earlier posters have said I think she needs to decide whether she views this pregnancy as a problem or a potential baby.

3andnomore · 18/08/2007 00:55

indeed bubble...

iliketosleep · 18/08/2007 10:57

i thought abortion was only legal to 24 weeks

PenelopePitstops · 18/08/2007 11:09

so did i, i thought it was only reccomended until 20 weeks and only in extreme circumstances after this date

McEdam · 18/08/2007 12:07

Abortion is perfectly legal after 24 weeks for medical reasons. Rare, though.

Heathcliffscathy · 18/08/2007 12:14

surely, surely, however strong our feelings either way, mners are INTELLIGENT and COMPASSIONATE enough to realise that this is NOT a thread for tubthumping.

rachel, am pretty disgusted tbh. you silly cow.

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