To wonder about people's awareness of fertility decline

[Orangeblossom78]

decline I mean, in late 30s/40s. I know someone who on trying to get pregnant for the first time in their early 40s is shocked and devastated to be told of their fertility being low at this stage. AIBU but is is not usually apparent that our fertility declines after mid 30s and you can't just expect to have an easy time getting pregnant in early 40s.

At 34 I’m thinking of freezing eggs at some point. What age would people do it? I heard they can only be stored for 10 years, I want to put it off as much as I can but don’t want to live with regret for not doing it sooner

At 34 I’m thinking of freezing eggs at some point. What age would people do it?

Do it now, or as close to now as possible. Also, Google the success rates of IVF from frozen eggs so you're aware of the likelihood of success.

Pfffft... In my 20s, I seemed to hear constantly about declining fertility from age 30 onwards. That was 30 yrs ago.

I do wonder what people are doing with their time that they never hear this message before they hit their early 30s.

I feel like it was silly scare stories for me, b/c I conceived so easily (up to age 40).

As Daisydreaming demonstrates, even when people are aware that fertility declines within age, they think that science/medicine can easily solve that problem.

Letthemysterybe

Or maybe she just wants to buy herself a bit of hope, and is mature enough to research the success rates and decide for herself whether the chances of a healthy baby at the end are worth the financial investment of egg freezing?

I think for some women, the idea of having it all had been sold to them so well they truly believe they have time to wait. Of course women can have babies in their forties, but it’s not the best time.

I don't like the (false) 35 cliff' scare mongering.

But I think women should be aware that fertility is gradually declining and that over 40 becomes sketchy territory for a decent proportion of women.

There's also the minority of women who have problems before that, if it's super important to you to have kids, you should probably check what you can check re your fertility before delaying it. That of course only covers you not your partner if you're not together yet.

Incidentally I had an (older) ex from a rural, traditional, chauvinist background comment that it "could be the menopause" when I commented on my PMS aged 35/36 ... Strange sort of menopause given I later fell pregnant with my first at 40.5, fourth time having sex around the right time.

Another guy on a forum I used to frequent also thought the menopause is at 35 (!)

That guy was a youngish American tbf - the first man should've known better given he's from rural Catholic Ireland where huge numbers of women had kids in their 40s due to contraception ban.

When I said I was unlikely to be beginning menopause at 35 he cited one women he's heard of who had - didn't seem to focus on the remaining 1000s in his area who hadn't.

So the ignorance & sillyness on this subject is in both directions.

Well I didn't meet my partner until I was 34, felt settled and ready enough to try for a family at 37. Had DD1 at 38, three miscarriages, and then DD2 at 41. It wasn't a choice I made, it was just the way my life panned out. I was well aware of declining fertility but not much I could do about it until I met someone I actually wanted to have children with.

Most women delay childbearing because they haven't found the right partner or they want to be married to that partner, not because they're unaware of fertility issues over 40. I've had 2 successful pregnancies over 40 but I spent my late 20s and 30s like most women my age (44) reading angsty Bridget Jones type commentaries in newspapers and magazines. If you were born in the mid to late 70s you were absolutely bombarded with scare stories in your younger fertile years. So the opposite of what you've said. Of course women will marry at 40 and feel disappointed that they have problems conceiving but that's more down to the fact we always seek a bit of hope and we generally find that in real life friends who suçceeded, not in celebrity tales of babies over 40. Reading the Daily Mail it actually appears to be quite prevalent for pregnant celebs to claim a long history of dreadful fertility even if their experiences are pretty average.