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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel off about this

126 replies

Sotiredofthislife · 13/10/2019 17:03

I was tutoring online this morning, quite early. Got a text message from one of my children saying ex and one of our other children were on there way to pick up a bike. I texted ex saying I am working, do not disturb. Youngest child uses one of his brother’s keys to open the front door, walk through the house to the back to get the bike, walks back through the house (had the sense to push the bike through the side gate) and relocks the front door.

I feel....off. The ex could have texted to ask if it was OK to pick up the bike. But he didn’t. Child let the self in - fine, he lives here too, but what if I’d been in bed or wandering about naked, or had a new partner present, or just anything really. I feel ex would have wandered in if I hadn’t texted him. AIBU to text ex and say the whole thing was unacceptable or am I making a fuss about nothing?

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 13/10/2019 17:07

Your kid should be able to come and go without asking your permission surely? And your ex didn’t come in so don’t see the issue.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 13/10/2019 17:15

If you don’t want your children entering their own home, don’t give them keys. 🤷🏻‍♀️

LonginesPrime · 13/10/2019 17:15

he lives here too

It doesn't sound like he disturbed you, and your ex didn't come in.

I thought you were going to say that DC came in and caused commotion (like in that wonderful news segment where the toddler, then the baby, then the panicked wife, comes in behind the man being interviewed in his home study), but it sounds like you've got them trained not to disturb you when you're working anyway..

Iamnotagoddess · 13/10/2019 17:17

I get why you are pissed off - ask your DC to text you first if they are at their dads and popping back.

Cherylshaw · 13/10/2019 17:17

it seems like a non issue, your kid came in there own home ?

TheQueef · 13/10/2019 17:17

Yeah yabu if he didn't come to the house and it was dc.

PinkiOcelot · 13/10/2019 17:17

I don’t see the problem tbh.

Iamnotagoddess · 13/10/2019 17:20

The DC are with their dad, the OP could have planned to have some “me” time and was not expecting her DC to turn up unannounced, OP could have been shagging new partner DC don’t know about yet etc. I totally get it.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 13/10/2019 17:22

OP could have been shagging new partner DC don’t know about yet etc. I totally get it.

But that’s not what contact time is. It’s not for one parent to have ‘me’ time, or for the other parent to see the children. It’s for the children to have contact with the other parent. I don’t think the house is any less her son’s home during that time, and don’t see why he shouldn’t be able to come and go if needed.

user1473878824 · 13/10/2019 17:24

OP I get what you mean but I think you are being U. EX didn’t come in. There’s no difference here to your child being with a mate and texting you to say getting my bike, coming in and getting it.

Iamnotagoddess · 13/10/2019 17:24

So it would be ok for the OP to turn up unannounced at her ex’s would it?

When does the OP have protected time in order to conduct her own personal life? As her ex does?

Absolutely ridiculous

Iamnotagoddess · 13/10/2019 17:26

@user1473878824

He didn’t text first though did he?

seaweedandmarchingbands · 13/10/2019 17:26

When does the OP have protected time in order to conduct her own personal life? As her ex does?

It should be fine for the children to turn up at their dad’s house, absolutely.

Original poster
Sotiredofthislife · 13/10/2019 17:26

f you don’t want your children entering their own home, don’t give them keys

Said child who came in the house today doesn’t have keys. He’s too young. They were borrowed from the eldest.

I don’t mind them coming in at all. However, I do expect to be able to do what I want in my own home when the children are somewhere else and would have expected some kind of fore-warning. Obviously that’s unreasonable.

OP posts:
Iamnotagoddess · 13/10/2019 17:26

And she would also be crucified for introducing a new partner too early too!!

MN never ceases to amaze me!

Original poster
Sotiredofthislife · 13/10/2019 17:27

It should be fine for the children to turn up at their dad’s house, absolutely

It wouldn’t be. He would go mad.

OP posts:
Iamnotagoddess · 13/10/2019 17:28

@seaweedandmarchingbands.

What if he’s having a threesome?

Iamnotagoddess · 13/10/2019 17:29

@seaweedandmarchingbands.

Have you actually ever been a single parent?

That time when the children are elsewhere is so so precious.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 13/10/2019 17:29

Iamnotagoddess

Then he needs to climb off and parent his kids. We’re not ‘not-parents’ just because we decided to have sex. Hmm

Iamnotagoddess · 13/10/2019 17:30

@seaweedandmarchingbands.

You are absolutely ridiculous.

Original poster
Sotiredofthislife · 13/10/2019 17:30

Yeah yabu if he didn't come to the house and it was dc

Long story short, I am sure if I hadn’t texted because the other child warned me, he would have walked right in.

OP posts:
seaweedandmarchingbands · 13/10/2019 17:30

Have you actually ever been a single parent?

No, I have been with my child every night of her life bar two nights out. I never get to have threesomes. But it’s not really the point. It’s still her child’s home, it’s still his bike, she’s still his parent. IMO anyway.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 13/10/2019 17:31

Sotiredofthislife

His double standard is obviously an issue. If he wouldn’t like the kids turning up at his, he shouldn’t do it to you during his contact time, I agree with that.

Iamnotagoddess · 13/10/2019 17:31

If the OP decides to responsibly see a new partner away from her kids then is it not damaging for the children to potentially enter a situation which is inappropriate for them to enter when she has done everything she can to protect them from just that?

seaweedandmarchingbands · 13/10/2019 17:32

If the OP decides to responsibly see a new partner away from her kids then is it not damaging for the children to potentially enter a situation which is inappropriate for them to enter when she has done everything she can to protect them from just that?

That’s one argument. The other is that they are never not her kids. It’s never not their home. I subscribe to that side of the argument.

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