Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a child with husband 50+ (3rd child)

124 replies

Krisskrosskiss · 12/10/2019 23:52

I just want to ask for any experiences of this and how it panned out.
I've always wanted 3 children and my husband is on board with that but the issue is his age. It worries us as neither of us really know how that would be for the child or for us.
He is 48 right now and I am 32 but we would want to get our finances a bit more in order before trying for a 3rd child so realistically he would be coming up to 50 before our 3rd was born (if we are lucky enough to conceive)
So I'm not sure whether I'm being stupid and I should just let go of this idea and come to terms with only having two children now.
Our children are 4 years old and 1 year old.
We do own a 4 bed house so theres no issues with space etc

I'd like to hear from people who've had children later in life or have older than average parents... just to get some idea of how it is for people

Thanks!

OP posts:
bookwormsforever · 12/10/2019 23:55

Um. You need a lot of energy to bring up dc, as you know. Also, the risk of genetic disorders increases with the age of either parent. Do the checks.

50 imo is too old to be dad to a newborn.

Alfiesmom15 · 12/10/2019 23:59

Me and my partner have a age gap and he was 50 when we had our only child, (he already has a daughter) it's never affected him or our son sonif it feels right for the two of you go for it... my partner does all the dad duties just the same as someone twenty years younger.... I think if hes a healthy active 50 year old it wont be a issue.

Bluefargo · 13/10/2019 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Krisskrosskiss · 13/10/2019 00:03

Bluefargo thays very sad to hear I'm sorry you went through that. It is the big worry at the back of my mind. Hes completely fit and healthy now but you never know what the future holds do you.

OP posts:
Marriedwithchildren5 · 13/10/2019 00:04

Dh is 50. We have a 3 year old. I'm 36 this year. Plus this is our 3rd. We bumble along just fine.

Lozz22 · 13/10/2019 00:07

Not at all. My Fella is 52 I'm 34 we were having a Baby together sadly I miscarried last week but after Christmas we'll be trying again. We've lost all 4 of our Babies so we're just awaiting an appointment at the Leeds recurrent miscarriage clinic. I'm desperate to be a Mummy he's desperate to be a Daddy

Original poster
Krisskrosskiss · 13/10/2019 00:10

Lozz22 so sorry for your loss Flowers I hope it all goes well for you next time x

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 13/10/2019 00:14

Oh @Lozz22. I’m so sorry. Wishing both of you all the best xxxx

Interestedwoman · 13/10/2019 00:16

You already have one of 1 now, so it wouldn't be much difference in terms of his age. xx

littlepaddypaws · 13/10/2019 00:19

too old imo, sorry.

colouringinpro · 13/10/2019 00:21

yanbu sorry

WhatTiggersDoBest · 13/10/2019 00:33

I don't think it's too old. I'm 32 and my DH is in his forties but less of an age gap than you have. We've just had DC1 in August so by the time we're ready for DC3 (I want 3, too) he'll be quite a bit older.
The thing is, although some people lose their parents sooner from having older parents, other people lose their parents sooner for lifestyle factors (my parents both died when I was 27 and they were 26 and 27 respectively when they had me, so in their early 50s when they died). Youthfulness is no guarantee of keeping your parents forever, and a 50-year-old dad might live to be in his 90s (again depending on lifestyle etc) and might have tons of time/energy for DCs. There's no way of knowing what the future holds so all we can do is what feels right to us individually at the time. At least, that's my reasoning at the moment.

JaceLancs · 13/10/2019 00:50

In my day your parents were old if they were 40+ when born
I’m now 55 DF is nearly 94
I didn’t think he’d live to see my DC grow up but they are now 26 and 28
Go for it

Isadora2007 · 13/10/2019 00:54

My ex husband was 22 when our first child was born. My husband was 48 when our second child was born. My husband is a FAR more active and hands on dad to our children than my ex ever was. 7 years on and this is still very much the case- he does sports with them- biking, swimming etc. He has bundles of patience as well as energy. Age is just a number.

GrimDamnFanjo · 13/10/2019 01:13

Older dad here too. Life is different these days. No child is ever going to say they'd rather not have been born than have an older dad!

Bigregrets19 · 13/10/2019 01:19

My. Best mates DH was 54 when had their last. He's more active than her at 45.
Depends on the individual

trixiebelden77 · 13/10/2019 02:26

My dad was in his 50s when we were born.

I never noticed any difference. He was fit, healthy and a devoted dad.

Maladicta · 13/10/2019 03:23

Dh was 55 when our #4 was born 11 years ago. He’s very fit, runs 30km per week, and has been more than able to do everything active with the kids. His father was older so it’s something he’s gone into with eyes open.

You know best what will work in your situation, it certainly hasn’t be a problem for us.

Mintjulia · 13/10/2019 04:23

ds dad was 56 when ds was born, I was 45.

The chances of problems caused by age of the father are tiny. My df was 55 when I was born, 57 when dsis was born. No problems.

More of an issue is your dh’s general health & attitude. If he is fit and well, exercises regularly, eats healthily and has high energy levels, then go for it.
If he’s a 70 units a week man with a passion for fry-ups then maybe think about persuading him to clean up his act before trying for another baby.

fallfallfall · 13/10/2019 04:29

increased risk of SEN with older fathers. are you okay with the possibility?

Dinosauraddict · 13/10/2019 04:32

I'm going to be completely blunt here. My previously healthy DM was diagnosed with early onset vascular dementia at 53. It's horrific. We couldn't have expected it and the rate of decline is scary. She had to give up her job, couldn't keep her driving license etc. I truly believe that people considering having DC in their 50s are only interested in their needs (or, more often, the desires of their younger DW) and not the needs and potential future for that unborn child.

trixiebelden77 · 13/10/2019 04:54

Bluntness and stupid generalisations are not the same.

Wider experience of life will sadly teach you that not one of us is guaranteed a second on this earth. The majority of children I’ve met caring for their parents were born when their parents were in their twenties and early thirties.

The vast majority of people in their 50s who take care of themselves have a good thirty years of life.

My own father - one of those dreadful people you so thoughtlessly and ignorantly deride - gave me a thoroughly happy and secure childhood.

Hesafriendfromwork · 13/10/2019 05:03

Theres no right answer here. We all give anecdotes.

I can say my best friends dad dies at 62 when she was 15m devstestaed her and changed her life in a bad way forever. But he was a drinker and her mum provided her with no support during this time. Had she had support I think it would be different.

My auntie was born when my nana and grandad were older and hated it.

But I also know people with older parents who are incredibly happy.

Unfortunately, no one knows what the next 10-20 years will bring. Dp would like another but feels too old at 40. I am not that fussed either way. Everyone is different.

I suppose you just need to make a decision and go with it.

Bumpitybumper · 13/10/2019 05:29

@trixiebelden77
Bluntness and stupid generalisations are not the same
Observation of a trend that has been statistical proven is not the same as a "stupid generalisation".

It is a fact that we become more prone to illness and death as as we age. Lots of diseases and health conditions are linked to aging, this is why one's chance of dying or living with poor health increases sometimes quite significantly as we get older. Lifestyle factors can play a part, but many many people are just unlucky and for reasons outside of their direct control will have health problems.

Of course this can happen to anyone at any stage of their lives but statistically a man over 50 is more susceptible to cancer, heart problems etc than a man a few decades younger. If you choose to have a child with a man that is 50+ then there is a significant risk that the father's health will fail before that child becomes an adult. Combine this risk with the increased risk of health conditions in the child themselves as a result of the older sperm and it becomes a big gamble made at the child's expense. I find it hard to convince myself that this isn't incredibly selfish.

MrsTeaspoon · 13/10/2019 05:35

My father was 55 when I was born, I was 32 when he died aged 87. My Mum was 30 when I was born, I was 34 when she died aged 64. My closest friend’s Mum had her at 28 and died two years later. Age at birth has no bearing on how long you’ll be around to parent or how good a parent you are.
My father was a lovely father to have, a brilliant role-model and I never felt I was losing out due to his age - he was beating me at badminton and tennis till I left home, taught me how to ride my bike, got up at 6am throughout my high school just to get me a hot chocolate to wake up with; he was a very caring man.
You never know what life will throw at you, there is no perfect age to do things, if you feel it’s right for your family go for it. I’ve had children in my late teens and my early forties...both have good points and bad but at end of the day my family love each other and that’s what’s important. Good luck.

Swipe left for the next trending thread