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Original poster

To have a child with husband 50+ (3rd child)

124 replies

Krisskrosskiss · 12/10/2019 23:52

I just want to ask for any experiences of this and how it panned out.
I've always wanted 3 children and my husband is on board with that but the issue is his age. It worries us as neither of us really know how that would be for the child or for us.
He is 48 right now and I am 32 but we would want to get our finances a bit more in order before trying for a 3rd child so realistically he would be coming up to 50 before our 3rd was born (if we are lucky enough to conceive)
So I'm not sure whether I'm being stupid and I should just let go of this idea and come to terms with only having two children now.
Our children are 4 years old and 1 year old.
We do own a 4 bed house so theres no issues with space etc

I'd like to hear from people who've had children later in life or have older than average parents... just to get some idea of how it is for people

Thanks!

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 13/10/2019 07:20

Ask ally what @AdoreTheBeach said

I was desperate for a third but three miscarriages means it hasn’t happened and DH doesn’t want to try again as it’s two years further on and it will impact on his retirement age

edgeofheaven · 13/10/2019 07:20

You can just as easily die in your 20s or 30s.

Is this serious? Have you ever heard of statistics? No people don’t die “just as easily” in their 20s or 30s outside of accidents or violence.

DartmoorDoughnut · 13/10/2019 07:20

Ask ally = exactly Hmm

dottiedodah · 13/10/2019 07:23

Judging by the ages of many Rock Stars Mick Jagger,Sir Rod Stewart etc 50 is positively young IMO! Many young fathers find parenting difficult, and the pressures of building their Career often eclipse family time .I would say go for it ! .You are comfortably off and settled and have much to offer a baby !

Boysey45 · 13/10/2019 07:26

I think 50 is way too old, My Dad was dead at 57.
My parents were 37 when they had me and that was thought of as old then.

MsTSwift · 13/10/2019 07:26

Anecdotally the oldest parents at dd school have a severely autistic son he’s just moved out of mainstream though. I would also worry about funding everything no retirement for him if paying a third set of university fees. Plus I would feel guilt about a third child in these times at any age. But that’s my reasoning yours may be different

Toastymash · 13/10/2019 07:26

If you want to do it and you can afford it then go for it. Nobody knows how long anyone is going to live for.

Waiting1987 · 13/10/2019 07:31

Personally, I wouldn't because my dad died in his 50s. I know there's no predicting these things and if he had lived longer my answer would probably be different.

highwindowsbluesky · 13/10/2019 07:35

It’s really sad to lose a parent but it’s not a reason not to be born at all!

Teacher22 · 13/10/2019 07:40

My husband’s father was 42 when he was born and our DSIL’s father was in his late forties when he was born. It is not ideal. The fathers are more like from a grandfather’s generation than a father’s and the fear of and the actual loss of a father when the child is young is awful. Our DSIL is 28 and his he worries a lot about his father’s health and about what will happen to his (younger) mother.

No one can stop you, OP, but consider the child’s point of view too.

Dollymixture22 · 13/10/2019 07:42

I have commented in these threads before. People making comments like your age at a child birth has no bearing on how long you will around are absolutely wrong,

It is a fact that a fifty year will, on average, have less years left that a thirty year old and to pretend otherwise is just silly.

There will of course be exceptions, but a fifty year old man will have around thirty years left and will have a higher probability of dying during the child’s younger years. They will also, on average, experience poorer health.

Pretending basic biology doesn’t apply is bonkers.

I’m not for a second say I g fifty year old men should becom fathers, but you need to consider the actual facts, not a handful of people’s personal experiences. These will never be reflective of true population norms.

highwindowsbluesky · 13/10/2019 07:43

He’s 28? And he’s worrying about his mother? Why, how old is she?

SprinkleDash · 13/10/2019 07:47

You already have two. Be thankful for them and enjoy your family. 50 is way to old to be producing another child!

6utter6ean · 13/10/2019 07:50

50 is too old.
Be content with what you have.

Rachelover60 · 13/10/2019 07:50

No one can tell you what is the right thing for you and your partner, you have to weigh up the pros and cons and make up your own mind. You're still relatively young and it would be understandable for you to want a child.

However - you already have two, the youngest of which is a baby. Why can you not be content with them? Many people would be absolutely delighted to have two children or even one. Count your blessings.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 13/10/2019 07:58

Finances will sort themselves

How does that work then? Confused
As someone who works in a school and regularly pays out of my own pocket to buy food, basic equipment, sanitary towels etc for children I can assure you that people who decide to keep having children with no regard for the consequences don't generally find that their finances magically "sort themselves".

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 13/10/2019 07:59

You can just as easily die in your 20s or 30s

This is a wind up, surely? Hmm

swingofthings · 13/10/2019 08:05

The whole issue of dying early is pointless. All we know is that statistically, he has more chances to pass away when the youngest is still a child, but that's about it.

The key point to take into consideration is that once you hit the 50, most people see their energy go downwards, so this needs to be taken into consideration depending on your circumstances.

Things to consider are: Are you a sahm and can afford to remain so? If so, are you ok to accept that you might have to do a bigger lion share of looking after the child and maybe not expect has much help as you might have got with the first two. Is your husband's job secure? Does he have good cover if he was to become ill. Does he enjoy his job and come home with some energy left or is he showing some sign of needing evenings and week-ends to recover?

A colleague of mine had a child at 50, a second marriage. He was very happy when he was born but 4 years later, he has aged 10 years. He is so exhausted, and struggling at work. He has put on a lot of weight and looks a shell of what he was 5 years ago. He adores his ds of course, but he has hinted a few times that he just wished he'd met his -younger- partner years before as he is struggling and worries a lot about money, knowing that he has no choice but to work FT another 14 years at least, and I can tell that the prospect is really stressing him out.

Bumpitybumper · 13/10/2019 08:05

@highwindowsbluesky
It’s really sad to lose a parent but it’s not a reason not to be born at all
I hate arguments like this as they can so easily be used to justify children being born in all kinds of terrible circumstances on the basis that at least they have a chance at life. It's just not how responsible people choose to have children and it's a type of logic that ultimately leads to an ideology that believes that anyone that takes any steps to avoid conception is somehow depriving non-existent children of a life.

Besides, who is to say that everyone is happy to have been born? Lots of people don't feel like that way and won't be thankful for the life that they have.

SprinkleDash · 13/10/2019 08:06

I would crack on right now and try for a third. I have three and have never regretted it. Finances will sort themselves

What a ridiculous statement!! Why then are there are so many families in the U.K. in poverty and relying on foodbanks to survive? You’re spouting ‘breeder logic’!

Ginfordinner · 13/10/2019 08:07

I'm not going to comment on the age aspect, but the practicalities. Parenting 3 young children is a completely different kettle of fish to parenting 3 teenagers. GCSEs x 3, A levels x 3, UCAS applications x 3 and then the massive financial headache of topping up maintenance loans x 3.

Never underestimate the cost of teenagers - mental and financial.

Bumpitybumper · 13/10/2019 08:08

@SnozPoz
You can just as easily die in your 20s or 30s
If by "easily" you mean "likely" then that is simply untrue. Some people will die in their 20s and 30s but a lot more will die in their 50's and subsequent decades.

OneKeyAtATime · 13/10/2019 08:08

On the flip side, if the parents die young, your child won't be left alone and will have a sibling.

highlystrung · 13/10/2019 08:09

My dad had four children in his forties. I was the youngest and he was 49 when I was born. He lived to nearly 90 and was very fit and active and had a great attitude to life. However I was always very conscious of his age when I was young and as I got older I worried about him more than someone should have to. His age was always a factor in the decisions I made - should I move abroad, move to a different area, when to have my own children etc. I notice when people respond to these kind of posts they always post from the parent's perspective, not the child's.

FreshwaterBay · 13/10/2019 08:10

@Bluefargo
@Krisskrosskiss

The question posed is whether a hypothetical 'Bluefargo' is born or not I think.