What is your honest view about only children??

[Charley1988]

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

I made it very clear that I was talking about choosing to have N only child. I assumed that was what this thread was about. Of course it would be unkind and pointless to be discussing the pros and cons of only children when someone had no choice in the matter

But the end result is the same. The child is still an only child so when you suggest negativity of an only child it clearly applies to everyone, whether you hide behind the "oh I'm not unkind shtick or not.

For fuck’s sake.

I do find the “good education and university debt free” reason for having one child unbearably sad

Oh well each to their own. I find having 4 kids and being totally frazzled and not being able to afford anything a sad state of affairs too. Of course, you do get the perfect family like the poster who started the thread about the 7 child-family on the beach (though maybe the "mum" was a childminder!) but in most cases, I think large families equal stress (as well as the eco-unfriendly "need" for an SUV).

As for when parents die, well I might not have a sibling to help, but i have a husband and son who isn't far off being an adult, who may also have a partner by the time my mum dies and perhaps (s)he will help. And when my father died, my mum and a friend came to help sort out his flat (she and my dad were separated).

“ But the end result is the same.”

So what’s the point of the thread, then?

I made it very clear that I was talking about choosing to have N only child

But it makes no difference to an only child whether their parents chose to stop after one, or whether the choice was made for them. They are still "stuck" in the hellhole of no siblings, according to lots of posters on here. How they got to that hellhole doesn't matter.

of course the idea that being an only child is a hellhole is a completely nonsense

The only negative aspect I have ever experienced about being an only is the absolute sanctimonious and downright nasty crap spouted by some people about us. Would those people think it acceptable to say "all brown eyed children are stubborn and unpleasant" - no, because they would see that for the prejudice it is. Onlies are no more homogenous than any other group of people. Quit your fucking prejudices.

I feel perfectly justified in expressing my opinion

Yes, you are perfectly entitled. I just don't see the need. Unnecessarily upsetting and combative. Perhaps its because you have siblings...just so used to arguing...

But how do you define ‘choose’? There is no physical reason (that I know of) why DH and I shouldn’t have another child. Should we therefore go ahead and have one simply to prevent our DD from being alone, regardless of finances, mental health, space, energy, actual desire for another child, and all the other reasons why having a second child wouldn’t be a great idea for us? Surely it’s responsible, not selfish, to have only as many children as you can cope with? As I’ve said upthread, for the vast majority there are shades of grey between being unable to have another child and not wanting one. People are not making this decision frivolously.

So what’s the point of the thread, then?

Do feel free to ask the OP.

I notice you’re not addressing the body of the point. Plus ca change.

I’m pregnant with #2 and it took me a long time to decide to have a second and even now I often find myself wondering if we are doing the right thing.

Our child is so happy without a sibling and we can afford to give him the time and the attention and the outings we like to.

I’m worried I won’t be able to do that split between two.

I certainly don’t judge an only child and possibly in the future I may be quite jealous of a 1 child family.

I’ve felt judged myself for only having one (before we decided to have another)

“ I’m pregnant with #2 and it took me a long time to decide to have a second and even now I often find myself wondering if we are doing the right thing.“
I was the same. I remember looking at dd and wondering how I could possibly love another one as much! But you do. And watching their relationship develop is wonderful. I still remember the first time dd said “we” and I realised she meant herself and her little brother, not her and me.

And watching their relationship develop is wonderful.

Oh, now you're being cruel. You full well know that this thread is full of posters who are or were unable to have more than one child, as well as those who chose that. Go and coo over your children elsewhere.

Is there a particular reason you’re taking exception to my comments, rather than the raft of “only children are selfish/entitled/lonely” posts this thread is full of? I think I’ve only posted substantively 3 times- one to say that my view is that if possible children shouldn’t be onlies, one to say I don’t think paying for education is a good reason for only having one child and once to try and reassure a poster who was having worries about a second child fitting into her family. Pretty mild compared to some posters, I’d say!

I don’t think paying for education is a good reason for only having one child

You are vehemently anti-private education anyway. It’s disingenuous of you to suggest you don’t agree with it as a reason not to have an only child.

Your comments are pretty upsetting to only children BertrandRussell, and I can't imagine they are that great for people who only have one but who wanted more.

So what’s the point of the thread, then?

NONE. Absolutely none.

I do find it quite ironic when people say that only children won't be lonely if they have extended family like aunts, uncles and cousins. Proving that having more than one child does have its benefits! If everyone was an only child there would be no aunt, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews...you'd never have any other family except for parents and grandparents.

Of course it would be unkind and pointless to be discussing the pros and cons of only children when someone had no choice in the matter.

But the nasty, judgemental, sterotypical and generally unpleasant comments people keep spouting on this thread refers to only children. It doesn't really matter on the reason why the child doesn't have a sibling - an only child is an only child.

So if what some people feel happy to state about an only child (negative nonsensical stereotypes) is applied to all only children, and to their parents. Despite many posters actually posting their real experience of their own or their child's life saying the opposite, some insist!

Surely it is obvious why some posters will find this thread rather unpleasant and, for some, quite upsetting.

Yet people keep on just doing it - nasty comments which they know can only cause upset or hurt to some posters.

So what’s the point of the thread, then?

It would seem, for some posters at least, to try and cause upset to others.
Or at the very least to be insensitive.

I know a lot of children, of a variety of ages, who are only children and who are perfectly fine and happy without a sibling.

I also know a lot of adults who were only children and they will say they loved it as a child because of all the attention they got and the materialistic benefits, but that as an adult with no siblings they feel quite lonely.

My sister is my best friend and our entire childhood was wrapped up in each other and we can talk for hours and hours and hours about our childhood and laugh until we cry about all the funny memories we can recall etc. I really can’t imagine what it would be like to not have someone to do that with.

Me and my DH had originally decided on just having one child but when I speak to adult “only children” I’m very glad we changed our mind and had a second.

The relationship my two children have with each other is incredibly special and I’m so glad they have got each other to grow up with.

I give up. You’re all right, and I’m wrong. Only children - ALL of them - lead blighted lives: spoilt, selfish and asocial as children, lonely and overburdened as adults. All your choices are right and mine are wrong. I have seen the error of my ways and will go and conceive my poor benighted DD a life-saving sibling immediately.

@bookworm14 don't worry, I'm on a train with my lonely only. We're heading into the west end to watch six the musical with her friend she's known since she was 4. They're not arguing or competing for my attention. Just making memories together and enjoying the moment.

The point of this thread I suppose was because there are so many only child threads on this board and my intention was to say that only children have an unfair negative stereotype which in my opinion is rubbish and a complete myth. When I mentioned rigid in my OP all I meant well,objectively speaking there's only one child in the family so in some cases perhaps there may be a risk of parents expecting children to be like them than seeing more than one different personality if you see what I mwN but I may be completely wrong. That's literally all I meant by rigid not a traditional outlook on life or anything like that. To a poster above who said she's sad about having an only I would say it's much better having an independently minded only than a child who feels 'hemmed in by a sibling' - at the risk of being flamed now by parents of 2+! My thread was jntended to be reassuring at what is an unfsir stereotype

See what I mean *

By my post above I don't mean that all siblings are hemmed in by each other but I have seen instances where a sibling relationship seems stifling