What is your honest view about only children??

[Charley1988]

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

A lot of issues between siblings are imperceptible to the public eye. What may look like a big, happy family gathering may actually be a heap of underlying passive aggression.

I also can’t believe people plan how many kids they have around sharing the burden of caring for them.

I used to think that it was a pitt because I loved having a brother. Then I changed my mind when I met DH and his sister. They would both have been soooo much happier as only children. There is no preferable option here without knowing all the what ifs, but it isn't a computer game, it's life so we can only choose how many children we want to have, hope we have them and can realistically bring up.

Sotired thank you - just caught up with the thread. Not me who’s the only child but my poor Dh. I try and help but you know how difficult it is. It would be nice if someone else could be responsible too.

Honestly? Medical/financial etc. reasons aside I think its selfish and I feel sorry for only children.

I'm biased though. I had a dearly loved sibling who died tragically in his late twenties and from there I was the only one. All the responsibility for my elderly mum fell to me. Its very lonely being an only and I hate that my children dont get to have cousins or aunts/uncles.

I would have loved to be an only child, i think they're lucky.

They are lucky, 9 times out of 10.

I think it's a rare adult who has a close friendship with a sibling that's not marred with decades of sibling rivalry.

I'd be upset if my son turned around to me and said he wish he had a sibling. I would be lost without my sister so I hope to be able to give my son a sibling. If I can't then at least I can say I tried and it didn't happen! Friends can never replace family. I know a few only child's who wish they had siblings. As parents, we will most likely pass away before our kids so I would much rather leave this earth knowing he has a sibling...well a good sibling.

I think it's a rare adult who has a close friendship with a sibling that's not marred with decades of sibling rivalry.

I agree. When people who grew up only children say 'oh I wished I'd have had someone to play with' or 'having someone to confide in' they understandably have a rose tinted view of sibling relationships. I don't think my sister and I have ever confided in each other as adults or ever played with one another. We fought as children and ignored each other as teenagers and have profunctory phone calls every other month or so as adults. This is far more common than the close sibling relationship in my experience.

The siblings I tend to know who get on well are those with a bigger age gap so didn't have to fight for attention, favour and resources from the parents.

No. People are not selfish having just one child and it does not matter if it was deliberate. Anyone saying this has obviously had a wonderful family life or had bad parents and was an only. We get it! Lucky you.

And again, having siblings doesn’t guarantee any help to the person who does stand up and care for a parent. It will be just as lonely if the siblings don’t get on and only one takes responsibility. In fact, just watching a friend go through the death of a parent now. The in fighting between 5 siblings is horrendous to watch. If it was not for friends rather than siblings my friend would have no support or help.

I'd be upset if my son turned around to me and said he wish he had a sibling

My only child has turned around as a teen and told us they would have hated a sibling. Their personality is quite similar to mine and I spent a lot of my childhood alone in a family of 4. So it does depend on the child.

I though this was the era of western society got past thinking in stereotypes???

So, you have the number of children you want, can physically and emotionally and provide for.

My only child has turned around as a teen and told us they would have hated a sibling

This is absolutely my experience. My DD is very happy as an only. Her quote (having seen sibling issues of her friends) is “you can pick whoever you want as friends, you can’t pick your brother or sister.”

*this was the era Western Society had got past thinking in stereotypes.

I'm an only child and I wouldn't change a thing. I had a wonderful relationship with my mum and dad, we shared some great adventures! I did wish on occasions that I had a brother or sister but those moments soon past. I was never spoilt and was brought up to respect others and to share what I had. I didn't grow up to be shy or hold back. In fact I enjoyed it😊😊😊

I think that bratty and selfish kids are ten a penny, from what I’ve seen around at school and on play dates. None of the badly behaved ones that come to mind, that won’t share and are wholly self-centred, are only children.

I think that all children can fall victim to dreadful parenting. Only children are no exception to that of course.

I would have loved to be an only child, i think they're lucky.

Trust me, there was nothing lucky about being an only child in my house growing up. Sweeping statements like that help no one.

If I'd had a sibling all those times I came home from school to discover my mum had left us and the country, I wouldn't have been sat there alone and scared in case it was my fault waiting for my df to finish work.
I wouldn't have had to start 9 schools mostly mid term not knowing anyone.
I wouldn't have had to bear the burden of watching my df almost bleed to death after a fight with my mum, of cleaning up the blood alone. Of having to keep adult secrets with no one to share them with because I couldn't tell anyone outside the family.

When I had my first child, I had a bunch of mental health issues including postpartum psychosis. The psychologist I ended up in front of told me I had attachment issues on top of the pstd, postpartum psychosis and pnd I'd already been diagnosed with so yes, really "lucky".

I think it's 100 percent parenting whether siblings get on or only children end up well and truly screwed up. All we can do is try and not repeat the mistakes our own parents made.

Dinoaauratemydaffodils what a traumatic family life you have survived. No person should have to had to endure that. I am glad that you are getting help.

And it is up to the parenting and family situation but then in a caring and stable environment, to a certain degree, the personality of each child comes into play. But first and foremost, the parents and family situation.

I also can’t believe people plan how many kids they have around sharing the burden of caring for them

My ex MIL told me to my face that she rang DDs father who has abandoned her, that he should get back in touch with her "because she may be useful to him one day when he's older", said with not one bit of shame.

I have a brother, we're both late 30's. Never speak or text unless it's a family birthday/anniversary etc.... See each other maybe once a year.
Never liked having a big brother, always picked on me.
Having said that, his relationship with our parents is much better than mine. I like that he fills that gap, so that I don't have to do it. I do call/speak to my parents, but we don't get on like my brother does.
I think if I was an only child, my parental relationship would be better now.
It is slightly reassuring that when the worst happens, he will be there too to help with it all. In fairness, he'll probably lead on it. But that's assuming we all get to live the lives we hope for.... Too many people are taken too soon.
Be grateful for the time you have now and don't assume that siblings get along. Most just don't.

All depends on how you bring up an only child. Some are great, others not so great. Mine was and still is I was and think I wasn't all that great but knew no better, I felt bad and almost bereaved which is probably just down to me but couldn't help how I felt as a child. My son had a wonderful social life and is an all-round person but I facilitated that in many ways.

Swings and roundabouts. Parents can only do their best. We can't generalise.

Honestly? Medical/financial etc. reasons aside I think its selfish and I feel sorry for only children

I said this way up but in what way is it selfish not to put yourself through unnecessary pregnancies? You can obviously "pop" kids out with no risk. Meanwhile, in the real world, many women suffer trauma from childbirth and may even die - even in the UK. And if you already have a child, you are risking making that child motherless. For what? So they have someone to fight with during their formative years?

I had a dearly loved sibling who died tragically in his late twenties and from there I was the only one. All the responsibility for my elderly mum fell to me

That is very sad. But he might have emigrated to the other side of the world and the responsibility would still have fallen to you. I don't think you should have kids to be future carers, either for yourself or older siblings with special needs.

I think it can be a bit pressurised if the parents are that way inclined because all that transferred parental ambition is heaped on one child.
I do think they look a bit lonely when you see them trapping after two parents whilst my 4 are chattering away together but I guess it has pros and cons.
I wouldn’t judge people on having one - I don’t think it’s really a ‘thing’ one way or the other.

I grew up in a large family, but chose to only have one child.
Shes grown up now, not spoilt, working in a good job, came out of uni with no debt, and is a caring kind and well rounded person, with a large circle of friends, so I dont see whether an only child or of large family makes the slightest difference, its down to parenting which come out as decent human beings.

I have what I believe is now called a 'single' child and ohmigod the amount of comments I got particularly when she was small (she's 13 now). Everyone wanting to know when we'd be having another and if not why not. Nobody asked DH needless to say. Then the weird 'oh, just the one' in a sad voice. TBH I had her when I was 41 and I was just thanking my lucky stars I managed to pop one out at all, didn't even contemplate more at that stage. Didn't meet my DH til 38 (he's 26) so we were on a ticking doomsday clock from the start on my side ;-)) Our little family works for us but me and my other single kiddy mum friends have all had to explain SO MANY TIMES why only the one and have that concerned sad face in response. I amused myself for a bit by saying because I was so old my entire womb had delivered itself and therefore no apparatus anymore sadly. Then laughed like a nutter. In hindsight not one of my finest ideas. But really, I felt the only response to such intrusive questions - I mean imagine if you REALLY wanted a second one and had secondary infertility. In all fairness though I do worry a bit about her having to look after both of us single handed. With any luck though my fella can look after me (I like to think of him as my pension) then after I pop off he can find a much younger woman and our DD won't have to worry too much about either of us ;-))

Think being an only child is a bit sad. No siblings either to love or hate. If it's a choice by the parents I don't really understand it. But everyone's different x