What is your honest view about only children??

[Charley1988]

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

Honestly? The more I find out about large families the more I find out how lonely they can be. For example, one group of six now adult children of my acquaintance has: one suicide age 19, one who is NC with the whole family, the youngest one who still behaves like a spoilt child, one who basically never leaves the house, and two lovely, normal ones (although one with a totally awful husband she won't leave)

@Dinosauratemydaffodils

It sounds like you had a terrible childhood though. Yes you would have been able to share the pain with a sibling if you'd been close but you still would have been damaged and felt rejected by your mother. And so would your sibling/S.

I think what only children forget sometimes is that while it can been good to share the burden of things like ageing parents, it often does fall to one sibling anyway (it did in the case of my mum who had two elder sisters) and also that along with the good things about having siblings; there are also things that are a massive pain in the arse and sometimes the siblings themselves can cause problems. I have an issue with my brother at the moment and quite honestly I feel upset about it all the time. Not saying I wouldn't want him around and I hope we sort it out, but it is really upsetting.

In some ways being an only can be easier in terms of caring for parents and things because you can just make a decision yoh think is best.

I'm one of many and have an only and honestly there's benefits to both and I don't think you can make sweeping statements about family life.

A bit sad? Really? Suppose we could say we find it a bit sad that our only can go on nice holidays, have a deposit for a house and a decent inheritance in this difficult and uncertain world whereas most children with siblings will struggle. If I were also being a dick

I'm an only child. I had a lovely childhood and wasn't lovely at all. I suppose it would be nice to have a sibling I got on with now I'm an adult, but there's no guarantee they'd be a nice person. I now have one child and don't intend to have any more. I'm sure he'll be fine.

The only person I know who is really spolit has a sibling.

Well, I feel ‘a bit sad’ for people who are so lacking in imagination that they can’t grasp why others might make different decisions to them. But hey, it’s just my opinion! Don’t be so sensitive!

Potentially it can. I'm an only child, but there were drawbacks. I had to raise TWO parents all on my own.
One problem is that there is no way you can keep things to yourselves (or share with siblings). I felt my situation was compounded because I did NOT go to local primary and secondary schools. My parents took me to "better" schools some way away (they were also teachers). That meant I had no friends at school because I came from afar and none at home because I went to a different school. That is what I remember (okay, it was 60 years ago).

My son is an only - not by choice but because of infertility. The one thing I feel guilty about is that when DH and I die he will have the responsibility of sorting our affairs on his own and that will be really tough. I hope he is old enough by then to have an amazing partner who will support him through it.
I have recently witnessed my Dad losing his mum and the amount of admin (and my granny had all her affairs in order, a clear will etc) even shared between 3 siblings was shocking - before you add in the heartache and emotion of losing your parent/s.

I have 2 and sometimes they can’t abide each other. I have to carve out time for them separately which is hard. From a parents point of view it is comforting having more than one just because you realise it’s largely personality not your parenting that impacts on behaviour and that is an immense relief!

I am an only. My son is an only. I had a great childhood and I hope my son would say the same. The only downside I have experienced is that when my parents died it was all down to me, I had emotional support of course from my friends but not the practical support you would get from siblings. Having said that most of my friends seem to have dealt with their parents death alone while their siblings did nothing!

I am an only child. It was pretty lonely growing up, but may have been worse because I grew up in a small, very rural village. Things were much better when we moved into a town. I have 2 boys. I didn’t want to have an only child and they be lonely, but timing and circumstances are everything. My eldest lives with his dad and is nearly 18. My youngest is 5 and lives with me and my soon to be husband (who is his dad), so they’re both pretty much only children really.

Honestly see no problems with only child situation. Having had 3 siblings I can say I genuinely wished I was the only one. More time from parents, more money to enable more experiences in life. With our over population a single child makes sense these days.

Sometimes parents don’t get a choice about how many children they have, but I do feel that when dh and I have shuffled off this mortal coil, our three children will be there to support each other, they have a good relationship, regular contact even though they live far apart and are genuinely fond of each other. It is a comforting thought as we get older.

I'm an only and loved it as a child.

My friends all had younger siblings and my parents were always more than happy to host, so they would invariably escape to mine. But I also had plenty of peace and quiet when I needed it.

I was certainly never spoilt, my self confidence was basically non existant as an older child/teen so I definitely didn't think I was all that.

I do worry a bit about my parents aging but I have an amazing dp and fantastic friends who I know I can rely on (having had to bury a close friend with his wife a few years ago who had no older relatives).

Ds is also an only and seems to be having a pretty good childhood so far. He is only six though so plenty of time to cock it up yet.

I’m an only child and had a happy childhood. I had cousins who lived very near so wasn’t as isolated as some only children, I suppose, but I did spend significant amounts of time playing by myself. As PPs have said, I think this fostered independence and imagination. I am generally a very gregarious person (nature or nurture?) and am seen professionally and personally as a good communicator and a very sociable person - I put this down to being an only child as, if I wanted playmates at the park, beach, on holiday etc I had to make the effort to introduce myself to other children and get along with them. I have 2 DCs who are extremely close and entirely happy just to play together. Whilst this is lovely, I do wish they would make more of an effort to make other friends at times.

Now, as an adult, I am an only child of a widowed mother and, whilst I get in wonderfully with my mum, I am fearful about the future - I am all she has, really, and DH and I will have to shoulder the responsibility of looking after her in her old age without support from siblings. That sounds awful, I suppose, but I know that when my grandmother was at the end of her life, my mum and her 3 siblings took great comfort from being able to discuss everything together, make shared decisions and then, eventually, grieve together. On the other hand, this is a grown up sibling relationship at its best and I know that it can also be hideous.

DH is one of 6 and is not close to his siblings at all - I am much closer to my cousins than he is to his brothers and sisters. There is quite a bit of resentment amongst his sisters particularly about who was shown favouritism.

Overall, I definitely think that being an only child made me who I am today, but if I could now magic up a couple of siblings for myself, I absolutely would.

I wasn't an only child but my sister died when I was 14 and she was 15 and I then lost my childhood and grew up with emotions I still to this day get overwhelmed by. I now have a ds (late in life) and feel some of the hole in my heart being filled. It's sad that he will never have an Auntie, or cousins as my partner is an only child and whilst I could think about having another , alot of that would be through the pressures of people believing that an only child could result in them being spoilt, and weird.. but way I look at it I would rather be a good mum to one child then someone who may struggle emotionally with more.

I think whatever your family situation is as a child is normal to you. It’s only now from middle age that I look back on my childhood and think that many aspects were very odd! I feel sad in many ways for my only child, but that is her reality and normal for her.

We have an only and I'm sure there are pros and cons. Know plenty of siblings who don't get on as kids or adults.

I never get the point of threads like these. If there is a real genuine need to figure out the multiple sides of these divisive issues OPs can do a search and find plenty of arguments on all sides. It’s like some of the breastfeeding and bottle feeding threads - they generate such justifiably strong emotional reactions on all parts, trigger people in numerous ways on all sides. Of course we should discuss a range of issues as we do here, but some threads in particular like this one seem to serve very very little purpose that isn’t served by a quick search on google with the words Mumsnet added to the search.

I'm an only child and honestly its up to everyone what they do BUT I wish I had brothers or sisters to share things with and swore I would not only have 1 child don't feel I missed too much but when I see sibling bonds it makes me a bit sad that I haven't got that support

and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH

Haha. Have you ever dated one? Most people who’ve dated one I know irl (& I’ve seen this on mumsnet too) have had issues which seem to stem from them being an only child.

I am an only child.

Not through choice, my parents lost two children before me, I was born by c-sec, mother then divorced and married again, and had another child who died before he reached his first birthday.

So, everyone I've spoken to expects me to say I was spoiled, that as the only child out of four, I was probably treated like a princess.

Nothing can be further from the truth. I was resented from the day my brother died.

I learned to create my own entertainment and am quite happy when I'm alone.

Anything I ever did, academically, physically, arty, whatever, was never good enough for mother and she ruled my life in small doses for a long time.

She made sure I was always held back and would have a dig at me every time I spoke.

I was a married mother myself before I finally managed to cut the ties. As a result I have not spoken to her for 12 years.

Do I think she'd have been any different if my brother had survived? Who knows.

Personally, I don't think it's anyone else's business if you have one child, two children, three, or 16. What's important is the child is brought up well and happy.

I sometimes felt like an only child as a very big age gap ..I would have loved a close sibling

I'm an only child. I have 2 children but all they do is fight so I wish I'd only had 1 as originally planned.

I am an only, of both only, separated parents, with an only. I feel lonely at times when it comes to supporting my mother with elderly grandparents and my dad with complicated health issues. However, I don't see it a reason to create another child if I'm happy with the choices myself and dh have made.