What is your honest view about only children??

[Charley1988]

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

I said in my opinion that it’s a different experience being an only child and having siblings. This is based on my opinion / experience and mine only as was asked for.

Of course you want your children to learn how to share etc. Where have I ever implied that you don’t want what’s best for your children?

Im the only child ,My Mum had a stillborn and a MC before I was born .I was the only GC too! Mum had been an only and wanted more children but it wasnt to be sadly.I had a happy childhood with playmates.Although I lost my Dad at 8 . Mum remarried and I had a kind stepdad .I dont think I was spoilt but made a fuss of by older relatives ! Always wanted a Sister although close to my Cousin .As long as loved and cared for I dont think its a problem really.

Canuckduck

I think the day to day practice that you get compromising / sharing etc when you live with one or more siblings is different than when you are one child in household with adults. Of course they are other ways to learn these skills but it is different

Can you explain what you mean by 'different'. How did my only child learn to share/compromise/ lose at games without getting upset, in a different way from a child with siblings?

That reads that you weren't comfortable leaving your DC to sit at a table.

No it doesn't.

Is your child not capable of sitting at a table by herself without her brother?

Rude

Why didn't you just potter around in the kitchen as you usually do?

I sat with her because I think eating meals alone regularly seems a little solitary if you're a child.

I wondered if families with only children always eat together?

Because unless it's the weekend, our children sit together and eat and we eat separately later. If I had an only child I would feel bad if they ate their dinner alone every night.

My mum and I always sat down to dinner together. Why wouldn't you all eat together as a family? I find it weirder not having dinner with your parents!

Friday nights we always lit a candle too and pretended we were having a posh meal at a restaurant

Is your child not capable of sitting at a table by herself without her brother?

Rude

It's really not - stop throwing a tantrum because you don't like what you read.

Why didn't you just potter around in the kitchen as you usually do?

I sat with her because I think eating meals alone regularly seems a little solitary if you're a child

Regularly? I thought your son was only away for a week? Also, how is she alone if you're pottering around in the kitchen?

If I had an only child I would feel bad if they ate their dinner alone every night

FFS so now you're under the assumption that only children eat alone every night.

I was an only child. I didn’t notice it much as a child but now it’s become difficult to deal with my parents as they age.

^*
I wondered if families with only children always eat together*^

On a week day, unless one of is out for the meal, than pretty much yes we do and have done since Dd was very small. Or when dd was smaller and had friends to play, she'd eat earlier with them as they'd be going home before the time we normally eat.

I often wonder why people have two evening meal times and why some people feed their children earlier, though understand if one or more parent arrives home very late. We eat around 7pm, was about 6:30pm when Dd was small - basically when dh gets home from work.

Ok. My children are very close in age, they play together all day long if they are in the house together. They haven’t chosen each other as friends do and have very different interests. So they have many, many times per day compromising on what to play, which movie to watch, if they should ride bikes or scooters. That’s their life. That is the experience I’m referring to. Of course it is a different experience to being in the house as an only child. Likewise, being a single parent is different than being in a partnership.

I am not saying that only children can’t share / compromise / be polite. My preference was for two children and I see the benefit in it for my family. My choice is equally valid.

I often wonder why people have two evening meal times and why some people feed their children earlier

Oh gets home at 7 and doesn't want to eat straight away. Kids get home from school at 3.30 and are starving.

So they have many, many times per day compromising on what to play, which movie to watch, if they should ride bikes or scooters. That’s their life.

This is my experience of having siblings and I think what both of my DP's lacked. It made family life very difficult for them and impacts their relationships. I don't think that they see it all though.

FFS so now you're under the assumption that only children eat alone every night

No, that's why I asked what families with one DC do?

I just thought it must also be limiting for the parents if you always eat together, you can't have a childfree dinner once the kids are in bed.

We always eat together as a family, except on the nights when dd has to eat very early before dance. I see it as an important time for us to come together as a family, talk about our days etc. It was the same when my DSis and I were growing up, we always sat down together as a family.

I don't really understand "us and them" mealtimes, but each to their own, I guess.

I have two siblings, and yet I always wanted a younger sister or two older brothers or to be the youngest of five - as a child often want what you don’t have!

My experience of being a parent is of never having enough one on one time for both my two children and always feel I am letting one of them down.

My DH and I are both not especially close to our siblings (we like them but lead very separate lives) and we both have bugbears about being one of three. We stuck to the two for related reasons. The three people in my family who are/were onlies are/were the kindest people who just fitted in and were very sociable and had no lasting grudges to bear over Christmas dinner! I can see why people stick with one. Surely environmentally it will make more and more sense too!

They can be self centred, lacking in social skills and generally not so easy to get on with. They can be precocious and a bit me-me-me all the time. Or they can be lonely because they are ignored.

On a typical day my DS eats his tea on his own. He has school dinners so it usually something light at about 5 -5.30pm. DH gets home from work about 6.30 and doesn't want to eat straight away so I eat a proper dinner with him after DS is in bed at about 7.30 - 8. That's our time to chat and catch up on each others days. Unless DH is away or I am going out that evening, then I eat with DS.

However, DS isn't 'alone' we have a table in the kitchen and I'll sit at the table with a cup of tea, maybe read the mail. Or potter round the kitchen chatting to DS while doing washing up/ prepping for our dinner.

I'd imagine even if we had more than 1 child that's still how it would work as it fits our lifestyle. Weekends we tend to eat meals together as not waiting for DH to get home from work!

I just thought it must also be limiting for the parents if you always eat together, you can't have a childfree dinner once the kids are in bed.

I don't find it limiting at all. We really enjoy our dd's company and don't feel the need for "child-free" meals - there is plenty of time for DH and I to chat later in the evening.

Canuckduck

You're another one who's backtracking. I asked you to explain why my only child would be taught how to share/compromise etc 'a different way'. Are you assuming my child didn't go to nursery/ didn't mix with other children as a toddler to learn these things? What other way is there to learn?

They can be self centred, lacking in social skills and generally not so easy to get on with. They can be precocious and a bit me-me-me all the time. Or they can be lonely because they are ignored

Have you learned nothing from this thread? Why are people ignoring all the only adult children and parents of only children saying that this ^ is not true. This comment is hands down the most offensive and uneducated comment on this thread.

I should add, I would still prefer to eat together as a family even if we had more than one dc. I don't think that particular issue is about having an only child/mutiple children, more about your parenting style and how you see the relationship between adults and children.

Have you learned nothing from this thread? Why are people ignoring all the only adult children and parents of only children saying that this ^ is not true. This comment is hands down the most offensive and uneducated comment on this thread.

It's my experience as an only child so you saying that my message is offensive and uneducated is offensive and uneducated.

Research overwhelmingly shows that only children are just as happy and well-adjusted (perhaps even more so) than children with siblings. So basically people's opinions are just that, and not actually backed up by reality. Which is fine, opinions are like arseholes etc. But the reality is that only children are not disadvantaged and perhaps actually do better in some some areas, particularly when compared to children in large families. So we can debate it till the cows come home but it's all anecdata and stereotypes, really.

Yes with the dinner thing, what I mean is I think if I had an only child, I would feel much more pressure to be 'present'. So quite often on the weekend, the kids will be in the playroom watching kids TV and chilling out and me and oh will be watching something we want to in the living room. I would never do that if I had one child.

It's my experience as an only child

Fair play to you for posting about your character flaws - that can’t have been easy. Do you think you’d have had a different character with a sibling?