What is your honest view about only children??

[Charley1988]

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

I read an excellent book on only children that blows all the stereotypes out of the water. However it did say that with only children they are the only ones 'told off' in that particular situation suggesting I suppose try and look at the matter objectively and from all angles if you can before telling them off . Not bad advice!

Some of my children’s friends are only children. Personally I find their parents quite pushy in thinking my kids are there to entertain theirs with play dates and outings

Wow. what a nasty comment GreenTulips

I think it’s harder as you get older and the feeling of being ‘alone’ intensifies. The weight of responsibility can be quite heavy emotionally I think and it would be good to have a sibling to share the load.

I have one DD and I cannot imagine loving another child as much as I do her but we intend to have another if we can so she doesn’t feel so alone.

Oh no. I just tell them very robustly that they’re incredibly rude, tell them exactly why I have one and watch them squirm.

To posters on this thread? They were asked for honest opinions or to strangers that give you unwanted opinions? They are rude to do that & good for you making them squirm but I'm not sure that equates to changing their minds. Anyway you do you, I don't care & I don't care how many kids you have either.

I’m an only child. I didn’t have a terrible childhood or anything and wasn’t a spoilt brat. But I did used to love going to friends houses that were busy with siblings and felt like our house was a bit boring and quiet. I didn’t even have any cousins so family get togethers were always all adults and me.

I always knew I wouldn’t ever just have one child, I have 3. What worries me now as the only grandchild, only niece, only child is that I have got some difficult times ahead when family gets ill etc and nobody to share that with. Thankfully I have a great husband and children so I’m sure I’ll be ok but it is a worry.

We only want one child. We've had the conversation "should we give DD a sibling?" and we're happy with our decision not to. MIL keeps telling us that we just HAVE to have at least one more and we are cruel for not giving her a sibling. We're not having more children just to keep someone else happy. We're not worried it will cause her to become some awful stereotype. She will be who she will be.

To posters on this thread? They were asked for honest opinions

To the posters on this thread? I think a number are fairly hard of the ability to think critically. I accept totally they were asked for their opinion.

or to strangers that give you unwanted opinions

Strangers and acquaintances. But yes - those are the ones I will respond to.

What worries me now as the only grandchild, only niece, only child is that I have got some difficult times ahead when family gets ill etc and nobody to share that with

I worry about that for DD. Our families are quite scattered and we don't live near any of them. DD is at university near some family members, so I hope she stays there after she graduates. I would hate to think that she felt isolated.

What worries me now as the only grandchild, only niece, only child is that I have got some difficult times ahead when family gets ill etc and nobody to share that with

A sibling isn’t a guarantee of anyone to share the load.

True Jacques. When my mum needed extra help my sister ended up with the load as I lived 250 miles away.

@Jinxed2 This is me too. I had a good childhood but I want something different for my own DD now I look back on it and consider where she might be in the future.

I was effectively brought up as an only, as my half sister is 15 years older than me and chose to live with my GPs when my somewhat martyrish DM married my narcissistic DF. I don't blame her.

I was a lonely child, I didn't have a huge number of friends (other than imaginary ones!) - I spent so much time alone, in my own little world, I was terrible at mixing and even relating to other kids who'd grown up with similar aged siblings. I envied them massively. I was crap at rough and tumble games, as I'd been wrapped in cotton wool by parents who hated me getting dirty etc. I also bore the brunt of my DM placing too much responsibility on me for her emotions. My DPs constantly reminded me how 'lucky' I was to have their undivided attention, time and finances, but honestly that was no compensation. I'd much rather have had fewer things, and a sibling close in age to share them with.

I now have 2 DCs, both boys, who are 3 years apart. I love their close bond and how they play together, and how they'll always have each other (fingers crossed). I always knew that if I had kids, I'd want at least 2, because for me the loneliness was absolutely punishing and it really set me back growing up.

I know that my experience isn't unique, and some only children loved being an only, but personally I hated it.

I am an only child and was also an only grandchild. I had a wonderful childhood. I was secure and loved. While I was the focus of four people I certainly wasn’t spoiled in the sense that I was obnoxious or selfish. I don’t remember ever being lonely as I lived in a close knit community with cousins and friends nearby. My recollection is of a golden childhood.

I grew up to be independent and confident, able to adapt to many different situations and circumstances. I maintained very close relationships, friendships even, with both parents who I loved dearly.

When my surviving parent was dying a couple of years ago there were times I wished I had a sibling to share the load but I have enough life experience to realise that this may not have been the case had I had siblings. So often, one child is left to do all the caring.

However, being an only in this situation had its benefits. My father wanted only palliative care and to die at home. I was able to facilitate this with no argument from anyone else. I was able to use a large part of my forthcoming inheritance to buy in good quality round the clock care for him. Maybe if I had had less caring siblings there may have been arguments around this, seeing the money dwindling. As it was, I could do as both my father and I wished with no opposition from anyone else.

On balance, I had a lovely life as an only child.

Personally I am terrified my DS will be an only, struggling to concieve no.2. I think only children can have some advantages growing up (money and time) but honestly, I think it is tough in adulthood once parents die. I can't imagine how lonely it must be to have no one to share the grief at the loss of a parent with. My cousin's wife went through it a few years ago and it was so tough for her.

Like with any other family set up - the experience of being an only child as a child and an adult, and the experience of having an only child, varies massively and can be good, bad and indifferent. Similarly having one or more siblings, and being a parent of more than one child, can be a good, bad or indifferent experience.

Of course the stereotype comments are nonsense!

Like all other children they are individuals and as such are often different to one another.

They don’t learn the same skills of compromise etc that you do with a sibling and it can be lonely and boring for both the the parent and the child

Oh my goodness, such utter bollocks. You don't think my DD learned how to compromise because she is an only child? How very narrow minded of you. It is my DD who is the peace-keeper and go-between in her group of friends - all who have siblings and DON'T know how to compromise which leads to fall outs.

As for being lonely and boring...I'm finding it hard to get one weekend with her without sleepovers, friends round etc. Today is the first day that we've been able to have a nice lazy Sunday morning together in about 5 weeks.

I'm an only child. Loved it. I wasn't spolit, my mum was a single parent so she couldn't afford to spoil me anyway. My mum never babied me or had too high expectations of me and as an adult she lets me live my own life.

I'm a strong believer that it's not being an only child that's the problem, it's the PARENTS that are the problem. If your parents raise you right then life isn't any different to people with siblings (apart from possible loneliness but that never bothered me as I like my own space).

Family getting ill doesn't worry me either to be honest. All my family live in the same city and we're all very close so the burden wouldn't all be on me. DM is still fighting fit right now, as is my 77 year old grandfather.

My DS is also an only child. Never heard him ask for a sibling. I won't be having any more DC.

think as an adult it would be a bit sad to have no siblings, and difficult when parents die or need care

Why do you assume that someone with siblings will have support during those times?
MIL has a sibling and he was totally useless when their father was elderly, ill and when he died. Never really came to visit. MIL did all the caring and visiting, organised everything, dealt with any issues, etc. Having a sibling made absolutely no difference to her. It was MIL's husband, children and friends who were there to support.

Dh is a solicitor and it is very very common for siblings to not support one another at difficult times. He deals with wills and private a lot and a lot of his time is spent dealing with squabbling siblings.

Don't assume siblings will get on and help one another. Even ones who are loving and caring of each other as children don't always stay that way as adults.

And to be honest this idea of it being "boring" for the parent shows a lack of imagination in my eyes.

I'd ask my 17y if she feels sad and lonely and bored all the time but she's too busy chatting to her friends online with her headphones on organising some nights out with friends this coming week after spending the weekend with us visiting grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousin. That's having spent Friday evening out with a bunch of friends all night partying.

Infact just the other night she chose to have a night doing absolutely nothing to catch some peace and quiet on her own, catching up on tv.

She spends so little time on her ow , through her choice. I can't see when she's being sad, lovely or bored to be honest.

Even on family holidays just the three of us she has never seemed bored or lonely, and has never complained about it. Infact times we have suggested having a friend come with us mostly she turns the option down to be just the three of us.

So yeah, must be dreadful

having lots of people to break bread with at the end of every day, the sing a longs and the budget camping holidays

Yeah, it's awful just having a dinner chatting with three people, the listening to music and watching films (we don't really go in for singalongs) and the holidays we spend exploring the world 3 or 4 times a year (as only have three flights to fork out for)

Tbh regardless of how many children o had, or how many siblings I had, the idea of singalongs and budget camping trips isn't my idea of fun. Each to their own.

Christ, the only thing worse than camping is 'budget' camping

Do I take from this thread that the posters with more than one child only ever spend time as a family and never interact with other people outside of their home? Never have friends? Never spend time with family outside parents and siblings? Never go to school, college, university or work? Never socialise with others?

Because that's what it would appear based on the comments from certain posters.

I'm an only child and my mum kept me in a box. I never met another person until I left home at 18

Budget camping holidays.

I'd rather die.